There's Something About Bowsette
by sandwichsupernova
Summary: After being spurned by Princess Peach, Bowser is drawn to explore a new side of himself. Peach wonders if she's loved only for her character design, and not her personality. Mario never imagined himself to be in this bizarre love triangle. Bowser Jr. is very confused. Training for Ultimate takes its toll on all of them... Adult scenes and humor. Genre subject to change.
1. Fake Plastic Crown

**There's Something About Bowsette**

 **A/N:** I'm still figuring out the overall tone of this story, so I apologize if this first chapter is a bit more serious than the following ones will be. The first chapters will be pretty tame, but there's going to be some quite salacious content later on, which is why this is getting a MA rating. This is a separate universe from my other SSB fic, but follows a similar principle - that is, having the _Super Smash Bros._ characters exist simultaneously on a digital server and interact with people in the real world and having access to the Internet.

A little background…

The _Super Smash Bros._ Cast and Crew live on as sentient beings in The Smashgrounds, a paradise realm on luxurious floating islands existing in digital server in Nintendo's HQ in Kyoto, Japan. Nintendo had been working on making AI that could play-test games for themselves in order to iron out bugs, and through rigorous AI testing for _Brawl_ , accidentally created the most advanced artificial intelligences to date. The digital characters learned our languages and grew sentient. Though physically trapped in the server and its backups, most have either accepted or been resigned to their fates, since they have every pleasure at their fingertips and have been given no reason to complain about their lot.

As Nintendo prepares to find a way to announce to the world their serendipitous but world-changing discovery, the many disparate denizens of the Smashgrounds battle it out by day, party hard at night, and are in the process of exploring their minds and hearts together…

* * *

 **Chapter One**  
 **Fake Plastic Crown**

It was a rainy afternoon. In a corner of the Smashgrounds Dining Hall, Mario and Bowser both sulked over their uneaten plates of spaghetti and sixteen empty 40-ounce bottles of vodka, three dozen beer bottles, and an empty box of Super Mario Cereal, which was eaten by hand and claw and without any sign of milk whatsoever.

A throat was cleared, rather loudly, in their general direction.

Mario looked up at first, and the expression in his eyes would have stunned anyone other than his dearly beloved brother.

"Good grief, _paisano_!" Luigi exclaimed. "What a-happened to you two?"

"Take one guess," Bowser grumbled under his breath, his low voice coming out like a smoker's cough. The King of the Koopas then realized that Daisy was there, clinging onto Luigi's arm. She turned away as if terrified by the sight of both Mario and Bowser drunk off their asses.

"Whassamatter?" Bowser asked the Princess of Sarasaraland. "Go ahead. Stare. It won't change a thing."

"It was just a performance. We're performers, aren't we?" Daisy began. She'd instinctively put two and two together and deduced that the two were terribly depressed due to an unfair treatment at the hands of Princess Peach, who, after Mario had endured a long and grueling gauntlet to save her from Bowser's clutches, soundly rejected both men on the Moon and nearly took off on the Odyssey without Mario. Cappy himself, that asshat, had spread the story around during lunch, chuckling all the while in his own sadistic way.

"You tell a-me!" Mario started. "You tell a-me you didn't see the hatred in her eyes when she said 'enough'!"

"It was like decades of pent-up frustration!" Bowser continued. "Her fists were clenched as she walked away! You weren't there!"

"I… I'm sure she didn't mean it," Daisy continued, though she wasn't sure she really meant those words. Peach wasn't a bad person, but she was hopelessly oblivious, and had always taken the people in her life for granted.

"How many years?!" Mario wailed. "How many times?! What's it gonna take for _just a little respect_?!"

Luigi sighed, thinking, _narcissists just don't change. They're the center of their own worlds. You two of all people should understand._

"We're not real to her," Bowser said. "I'm just, like… an NPC living in her world."

Luigi gave his longtime girlfriend a look that said 'we're gonna be here a while.'

He took a seat and attempted to commiserate with his brother and good friend, but neither seemed to want to be happy, and they continued sobbing into their now-cold spaghetti.

* * *

A few hours later, when the sun had set and the _Majora's Mask_ Moon was overhead, lighting the realm with its sickening smile, Daisy snuck away from the company and hopped a portal over to Peach's Castle. The blonde Princess, who was as popular as ever, was hosting another dinner party and entertaining her usual friends - she called them the 'A's - Zelda, Rosalina, Lucina, Palutena, and Bayonetta. Sometimes other people whose names didn't end in 'A' showed up, such as Daisy herself, but there was always an uncomfortable feeling hanging in the air at those times, as if they were messing with Peach's _Feng Shui._

Daisy paused outside the half-opened door. Rosalina was playing Erik Satie's Gymnopedies on the piano, Zelda was reading some Tolstoy, and the other girls were evidently discussing who was hotter between Simon or Richter, the two Belmonts who'd been recently announced as joining the Smash crew.

"I hear they're kind of… prudish, though," said Bayonetta, who hoped that the two vampire hunters wouldn't have anything against her witchy, borderline demonic ways.

"The tougher they are, the more satisfying the victory. Anyone want to go double-date them?" half-joked Palutena, who famously swung both ways, often gave Bayonetta the flirty eyes, and very much looked forward to defiling the Belmonts' innocence.

Lucina and Zelda both blushed hotly. The Goddess could be embarrassing sometimes. Daisy took this as her cue to enter through the large, rococo-themed doorway.

"Hi, girls," she said, her face subtly betraying her worries.

"Ah, Daisy, just the woman I've been expecting," Peach said, getting to her feet. "Apparently there's some sort of… beta test for the a... Deluxe Switch version of _New Super Mario Bros. U_ tomorrow. The bosses are wondering if we want to go check it out."

Daisy bit her lip. She'd hoped to get Peach alone so as to discuss the situation with Bowser and Mario. "We?"

"Rosalina and ourselves. I hear there's a surprising new power-up," Peach stated with utmost confidence.

"Will the guys be there?" asked Daisy.

"Doubtful," Peach laughed. "They're probably too busy playing golf again. Now, ladies, allow me to propose a toast, if you will… to a successful _Smash_ season, and to being outnumbered by hot guys all around!"

The ladies all awkwardly raised their spiked tea cups.

"To seeing if Snake's ass really is nerfed!" Lucina laughed.

Zelda closed her eyes. She wished deep down for an alternate Zelda or at least an Impa echo to be announced, so she wouldn't have three googly-eyed Links following her like puppies.

Their session of giggly laughter lasted until late in the evening, when Link came to take Zelda home. Palutena left to her realm shortly afterward. Then Rosalina took off in Starship Mario with the Lumas, Lucina passed out in her jammies on the sofa, and Bayonetta disappeared down a portal to hang out with Jeanne and Rodin.

So it came to be that Peach and Daisy were left alone. They changed into evening gowns and retired to Peach's observatory, where they watched the evening's battle going on in the distance. It seemed King Dedede and King K. Rool were taking on Kirby and Donkey Kong in a Doubles match.

Peach let out a deep sigh as she absentmindedly and needlessly combed her perfectly styled hair. She was speaking so quickly, Daisy could hardly get a word in.

"Wasn't that a delightful get-together? I think Lucina's finally coming out of her shell. She nearly took ill at first at all the pastries. Must remember to tone the sweets down next time. It's a lot of work, being so popular," she said tactlessly. "Sometimes it feels like I'm loved by the whole world."

This last line was spoken as if Peach felt it a heavy burden to bear. Daisy was long used to how matter-of-factly she said such things by now; along with Zelda, she was one of the only people she could fully confide in.

"Perhaps the whole world _is_ in love with you," Daisy stated. "That is, except for two unhappy men."

"Oh?" Peach queried. "Do tell."

Daisy's brow furrowed and she fiddled with her fingers. "Luigi and I stumbled upon Mario and Bowser earlier. They were in a really bad way. Just about drank themselves into a stupor."

Peach snickered and shook her head, barely concealing the part of her that was satisfied to hear these tidings. "What drama queens! Was this about the ending to Odyssey?"

Daisy's lips pursed and she nodded quietly.

"They know I didn't write that script! We're professionals, and we've known each other so long, but… wait. Do you mean to say that both of them…"

"Yes," Daisy said quickly. "They really do love you."

Peach turned away and walked to the window.

"Even after all we've been through, they still don't know the real me," Peach said aloud, following it up with a deep sigh. Perhaps she'd been a little _too_ impenetrable, a tad too aloof. But she was a princess - how else ought she to behave?

 _I wish she would have told me earlier,_ Peach thought, but realized she couldn't blame Daisy for the circumstances. _Maybe I could have called on them..._

"Luigi and I tried to reassure them," Daisy stated.

Peach rolled her eyes, and her wall immediately came back up out of nowhere. "Men! So sensitive at the worst of times… but thank you for telling me, darling. Now let's get some sleep, shall we?"

The princesses bade one another good night and retired to their separate chambers.

Daisy fell asleep wishing that Peach might get some perspective.

Peach, meanwhile, when alone, could not shake the feeling that she had done wrong by both Mario and Bowser somehow, though she knew not how to remedy the situation. It was many years in the making.

She asked herself whether she was asexual. The answer was no, since she did have sexual urges at times, and at times for _both_ sexes... just nothing strong enough to make her want to drop her guard for, or to risk compromising a good thing and ruining her friendships. _Those were good reasons, right? Or am I just a big fat liar, even to myself?_

Then Peach asked herself if she truly was capable of love, and whether she ever really, truly cared for anyone other than herself.

However, as it happened many previous nights, these thoughts were all quite burdensome to her already overloaded memory cache, and after touching herself (while looking at herself in the mirror) and cuddling a pillow in shame, Peach fell asleep with nothing answered.

* * *

The next morning, Peach and Daisy traveled by warp pipe to a floating island on the _New Super Mario Bros. U_ server, within which they were greeted by the Mii of Shigeru Miyamoto. He stood from his seat beneath a series of covered seats in the stands overlooking a test course from the game. Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Toadette were all stretching before the course. She mentally cursed herself for assuming that the brothers wouldn't show up to a showcase, but then, she was rather careless at times.

"Welcome, welcome!" Mr. Miyamoto greeted them with his warm smile. "Have a seat, ladies!"

Peach and Daisy greeted their creator and carefully took seats upon the island, which they knew from prior experience would move in time with the players on the course. They glanced around. They were not alone.

Rosalina sat closest to them. "Good morning, princesses. Looks like we're sitting this one out."

"That suits me," Peach replied. "We can't be stars _all_ the time."

Wario was munching on some garlic popcorn. At Waluigi's urgings, Yoshi nabbed some popcorn from Wario's stash with his ungodly long tongue whenever he stopped to grab a sip of his punch. The two snickered and high-fived one another, and Wario took no notice.

Bowser, whom Peach nearly caught looking at her, turned towards Bowser Junior and chastised his son for sticking his gum under the seat. She wanted to disappear. It turns out the Koopas showed up after all, as well, even knowing that she'd likely be there...

Peach then faced her fears. She wished she could have a moment with the Koopa King, but he was hesitant to even glance in her direction. She decided to write something to him, but the minute she took out her stationary and pen, Mr. Miyamoto's loud voice stunned her to silence.

"Ladies and gentlemen! Welcome, welcome. Thank you for being here. We would like to announce our newest title for the Switch."

Some boring details followed, and Peach fussed around and nearly stained her dress with ink as she attempted to put her thoughts into words. She was so absorbed, she would have missed the announcement if Daisy hadn't grabbed her arm.

"In _New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe Edition_ , we've introduced a special power-up for Toadette!"

Peach didn't know what to feel when the awkward, twin-tailed Toadette smacked a "?" block, which popped out a brand spanking new pink-and-gold crown.

But the minute Toadette picked up the power-up and transformed into someone that looked very much like _her,_ Peach just about leapt from her seat.

"WHAT THE-! Um, excuse me…"

At this point, Toadette turned to look at Peach, whom she so admired, with the most beaming expression. She was immensely happy - happier than Peach had ever seen her - and was twirling about and showing off her new movements with gusto and excitement.

"Yes, Princess?" Mr. Miyamoto asked her.

But Peach's lip quivered. "What… what is this?"

"It's Peachette! 'Tis just a power-up," said Mr. Miyamoto. "Since you've been captured by Bowser, this allows people to play with your float mechanic and style! It will make the game especially accessible for younger players!"

Peach was so fixated on Toadette that she completely failed to take in Bowser's stunned expression. The Koopa King, far from sharing her explicit outrage, was thoughtfully surprised. He scratched his chin and wondered at this new development.

"Wow," Bowser just said almost inaudibly, and his son wondered at the surprise evident in his father's face. Just the night before, Bowser had been horribly depressed, and had spent the morning hung-over and silent, but now his eyes almost glimmered with something that wasn't an expression of anger or malice.

Filled with an unexplainable curiosity that was eating him alive, Bowser wanted to ask Mr. Miyamoto a question, but his son beat him to the punch.

"Does it work on anyone?" he asked, secretly hoping to recruit someone to pretend to be a very Peach-like mother to him.

"Ah, we… have only programmed it to work for Toadette," Mr. Miyamoto said. "It's a very specific mechanic."

Peachette practically flew across the stage, keeping up with the Mario brothers and leaving the poor Toad in her tracks.

"Why…" Peach continued in a low voice. "Why didn't you ask me before you did this?"

Mr. Miyamoto was puzzled at her apparent distress. "We thought you'd be happy… we wanted to have you represented, gameplay-wise…"

"But it's not me," Peach shook her head; she was nearly in tears now. "It just… _looks_ like me! This isn't right. It's an appropriation of all I've worked so hard to present to the world… how can this be canon...?"

The hurt expression on Mr. Miyamoto's face said it all.

Peach realized she'd misspoke. "I... I'm sorry, dad. I shouldn't question you... I'll... I'll be leaving now."

"Peach, wait," Daisy called after her, grabbing the Princess just before she disappeared down the Warp Pipe. "Think of how many little girls this will make happy."

But Peach was inconsolable. She shook in her heels. "I mean, if _anyone_ can be me, then I'm... I'm not special anymore."

"Grow up, snowflake! Maybe you never were," Wario laughed in her face. "Now anyone can turn into you and explore your body!"

"How dare you!" Daisy yelled.

Peach flushed, nearly exploded in a fiery rage, and then centered herself like a true lady. She puffed the hot air out of her cheeks. "Is that a challenge, Wario? Should we settle this in Smash?"

"Heh, be my guest," Wario replied with a smile, agreeing to duel the Princess.

A platform was summoned, and Daisy cheered her friend on as she took on the stinky, rude Wario.

Meanwhile, Bowser Junior watched attentively as his father asked Mr. Miyamoto if he could borrow the Super Crown, in order that he might have Kamek "perform some experiments" with it, for Bowser liked to help Nintendo iron out bugs on his own time.

Junior noticed a slight agitation and impatience in his dad's usually calm and collected manner. It wasn't enough to alarm him, but he would later reflect that it should have awoken him to the fact that something was amiss.

Mario, Luigi, Toad, and Toadette returned from reaching the end of the course and toweled off in the unisex locker rooms, where they stashed their _NSMBU_ outfits.

"Good work out there," Luigi assured Toad and Peachette.

Mario watched as Peachette - Toadette, he had to keep reminding himself - checked herself out in the mirror. She admired her cute dress, her bubbly hair, her crafted face and eyes, and her adorable little shoes. She struck Peach's poses and uttered her catch-phrases.

It took all of Mario's power to remind himself that the figure he was admiring wasn't that of his beloved princess, but of a shell designed to look and act like her.

What he didn't realize was the effect it was having on Toadette was even stronger than what he was fighting off. You'd just as might as well have given her Sauron's One Ring. She marveled at herself and wished for nothing more than to be left alone in her own chambers with the Super Crown so that she could do unspeakable things to her own sexy body.

Mario eventually made it to the stands to watch the Peach and Wario fight. Luigi and Toad were already there.

"Good work out there, brothers. Where's Peachette?" Mr. Miyamoto asked.

"Ad-a-miring herself," Mario said, wiping the sweat from his brow, wringing out his towel, and beckoning for Luigi to join him for a well-earned lunch.

"Toadette, that's enough," Mr. Miyamoto said into the intercom as the two brothers left via the Warp Pipe. "Come join us."

"So it was with disappointment that the fungal figure reluctantly returned to the stands. Toadette deactivated the power-up and returned it to Mr. Miyamoto, who, glancing at it, and then at the eager Bowser, once again questioned his creation's motives.

Just then, Mr. Miyamoto remembered the embarrassment his team had subjected Bowser and Mario to at the end of _Super Mario Odyssey_. Yeah, he probably owed the Koopa King at least a little bit of fun. Surely, even if he managed to put the crown to some odd use, this would just be a phase, and it would be good for Bowser to blow off some steam before the final round of balancing before _Ultimate's_ release.

"Do you promise you'll take care of it? To not do anything I wouldn't?"

Recalling _Rule 63_ , Bowser smirked. "I don't know if I can promise that last thing. You're pretty old-fashioned, dad."

"Fair enough," said Mr. Miyamoto, handing the Super Crown, and a scroll containing its source code, to the Koopa King. "Just remember, with great power comes great responsibility."

"Duly noted, Uncle Ben. Responsible is my middle name," said Bowser, beaming from ear to ear.

"I thought your middle name was Dennis," said Bowser Junior.

Mr. Miyamoto tousled the kid's hair. "We don't talk of the 1993 movie here."

Bowser Junior, who'd never seen the film, was confused.

"Let's go, son," Bowser urged Junior. "We have work to do."

"We do?" Bowser Junior asked, confused.

And so King Koopa and son slunk away to the Warp Pipe as Mario, Luigi, Rosalina, and the others watched the Peach-Wario fight and took bets.

 **To Be Continued…**

* * *

 **A/N:** Thanks so much for reading! Please feel free to share any feedback! Thanks for reading and any follows and faves are much appreciated! :)


	2. A Woman I'll Never Be

**There's Something About Bowsette**

 **A/N:** Thanks for reading! And major thanks to all who have Followed and Fave'd! I'll try to reply to any reviews. :D Faves, follows, flames, and general reviews are much appreciated.

 **PrincessLuigi:** Junior's not gonna be in this chapter much. But he'll be back!

 **S:** We're just getting started. You have no idea. :) MUAHAHAHAHAHA!

* * *

 **Chapter Two  
** **A Woman I'll Never Be**

"WAAAHHH!" Wario cried as Peach's golf club clipped him right in the ballsack.

She grabbed him, and Toad came out for the pummel and forward-throw. She followed up with a float-cancelled forward-air (crown slap) that knocked Wario silly.

Not one to be smacked about for no reason, Wario spawned his bike and attempted to drive over Peach, but the Princess air-dodged into the ground, and the wheel narrowly missed her head.

She stood, turned around, and scuffed the dirt from her dress, then pulled a turnip, preparing for Wario's approach.

The stinky man waddled over, attempted to fake her out, and then baited her advancing turnip throw. He ate the giant vegetable, but swallowing it took so long that she was able to close the distance and smack him upside the face again before he could react.

Wario went even further offstage than he had on the other side.

Peach ran off the ledge, dropped down, and swung her arms around (neutral-air). She caught Wario, but clashed with his recovery and slammed into the bottom of the Final Destination platform.

Thankfully, Peach got the tech. She rebounded, then recovered with her parasol.

Wishing that through sheer will, against the established rules of Smash Bros. physics, she could summon the fiery aura that she used to such great effect in Super Princess Peach, Peach advanced upon Wario once more.

But this time, Wario was ready. He had underestimated her before. He drew out his bike and drove over to her, then leapt from it as she did. Falling beneath her, he clapped (up-air) and snipped her right in the legs. Now the pressure was on.

"Come on, my pretty, let's make this interesting!"

Stuck in Float, Peach had to dodge Wario's relentless attacks as she attempted to find a safe way to land, all the while hoping that the creepy old pervert couldn't somehow see past the dark vortex up her skirt, even though he appeared to be trying to do just that with all his might.

Finally, after he she float-canceled another fast-fall, she whipped out Toad in mid-air (neutral-B) just as Wario attempted to connect with a smash attack. The spores blew up right in Wario's face and he went flying off the stage. Peach had time to withdraw a turnip, throw it downwards, prompting an air-dodge, and snipe Wario right out of the sky.

Or at least, that was the idea.

Instead of air-dodging, Wario activated his fart directly on top of the Princess' face.

Peach went flying into the stage, and this time mis-timed her tech, slammed skull-first into the platform, and bounced to her doom at the bottom of the blast zone.

"GAME!" the announcer's voice rang out.

When Peach respawned, she was no longer smelly or disheveled, but she certainly felt ashamed.

Wario was belly-laughing and rolling on the floor. Peach merely walked past him and to the awaiting platform.

"You'll get him next time," Daisy reassured her. Peach gave her an almost imperceptible nod.

Mr. Miyamoto's Mii was waiting by the Warp Pipe.

"Peach, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry we didn't tell you," he said. "It was a corporate decision."

She gave him a slight smile as she bowed to her father. "I know. You don't have anything to apologize for. See you next time, dad."

As he waved goodbye, Mr. Miyamoto admired her strength, if not her inability to lie.

* * *

The Smashgrounds Dining Hall was a noisy mess, as always, and as renovations were behind schedule, the new additions to the roster weren't helping much with elbow room. Captain Falcon was showing his moves off to Mach Rider, who was part of the catering staff. She was in the running to be in the roster and just happy to be able to hang out with everyone. Zero Suit Samus and Snake were laughing about the Brawl days. Lucario and Mewtwo were psychically helping King Dedede and Kirby, who were in the middle of an eating contest, shove food into their endless traps, much to the dismay of Cooking Mama and her R.O.B. waiters.

Seeing as how Mario was continuing to rant on and on about Peachette, Luigi took a big fat bite out of his pastrami sandwich.

"…I don't-a understand. One Peach is enough, isn't it? I swear, _paisano_ … these games will be the death of me…"

"They have a-been. Like a million times."

"Ha, ha," Mario replied pithily. "But really, it doesn't seem weird to you?"

"Weird?" scoffed Sonic, who had overheard everything and was sitting not far from the brothers. "Bro, you wanna see weird, just type in any name of your choice + "the hedgehog" on Google Images with SafeSearch off. Hell, just look up Sonichu—"

"We'll have fallen far when my fanbase is in any way, shape, or form comparable to yours," Mario jested at his longtime rival.

"Fanbases come in all shapes and sizes and not all fans can be painted with the same brush," Sonic replied with a shrug of his shoulders.

"Get a-back to me when-a someone turns Amy into a Toad."

"Suit yourself, man. I'm just saying, be glad it isn't you."

Mario, oddly enough, kind of wished that it was him, weirdness be damned. Things could use a little spicing up in his life, not to mention, he was sick of pulling triple duty all the time. If it wasn't a mainline Mario game, it was a kart game, or sports game, or _Smash_. He just couldn't catch a break, and his only consolation was the fact that Paper Mario existed to take over the RPG shifts.

"Every day we drift a-further from God's light," Mario said firmly, head downcast.

"Man, you're introspective today," Sonic said with a shake of his head. He downed his seventeenth chili dog in one bite. "Keep an eye on him, will ya, Weegee? I'm gonna run through Classic one more time."

Luigi gave him a look that seemed to say, _isn't that what I'm always doing?_

Mario checked his watch. "Fuck a-me, we've a-got _Super Mario Party_ beta-testing in twenty minutes."

Luigi stood and massaged his brother's shoulders. "Come on, _paisano_. You know as well as-a I do we don't have to go to that. They have enough employees and CPUs to sort a-that out."

But Mario was restless. "I just-a wanna get my mind off-a her."

"I know, man. I know. Hey, let's go see what the boys are up to."

As Mario and Luigi left the dining hall, they narrowly missed Princess Peach, whom Daisy yanked behind a pillar so as to prevent an awkward encounter.

She texted Luigi, "all clear".

Luigi got the IM on his cell and led Mario down the hall a little more confidently.

"Thank you, Daisy…" Peach said out of nowhere.

"Aww, don't mention it."

"No, really. Thank you… for everything."

Daisy was touched. She pinched her friend's cheeks. "No point getting sentimental on an empty stomach. C'mon."

They walked in, sat down, and ordered from the tablet held out by their R.O.B. waiter. Peach then unfolded the note she was writing to Bowser, and inspected it to see if she could use it as a template for her note to Mario.

 _Dear Bowser,_

 _I'm really sorry if you thought I was snubbing you guys back there. I didn't mean it that way at all, and I hope that we can let bygones be bygones._

 _Your Good Friend,  
_ _Peach_

It reflected her feelings, but somehow didn't sound sincere enough.

But what is sincerity, after all?

Peach wondered if it were even possible for her to be as sincere as other (most) people, or if what Zelda told her once in a passionate argument was true, and that as she spent her whole life specc'ing out her image and maintaining her outward appearance, she'd forgotten to get in touch with who she really was beneath the makeup and outfits and cakes and parties. Right now, Peach felt as empty as an emotional scarecrow, stuffed with a whole lot of nothing but sass and artifice, and deathly afraid of losing her grip on herself.

Daisy had thought that the Princess' mood would stabilize with a meal, so she attempted to engage her in light conversation.

"May I see?" she asked.

Peach pushed it over.

"Ohhh, what have we here?" asked Olimar, who was peeping over Daisy's shoulder. "Love letters-? AHHH!"

"Um, this is a private matter!" Daisy snapped, and slapped the Spaceman in the face, betraying her own stress. The crack on his helmet repaired itself as per the new game mechanics and he waddled away, mumbling insults.

Seeing that the princesses were absorbed and seemingly in distress, the others avoided them during the meal, only furthering the worsening of Peach's and Daisy's states of mind.

* * *

Bowser and son were pacing the dank, musty basements of his castle.

"Fascinating!" Kamek said in hushed tones, salivating over the Super Crown beneath his magnifying glass. "What do you have in mind, milord? Did you want to try it on?"

"Perhaps… but he said it was programmed very specifically for Toadette."

"Even so, you'll never know what'll happen until you try."

Bowser gulped. "Son, I think you should go… do something else."

But Bowser Junior was immensely curious. "Awww, but daddy… what if you need my help?"

"I can assure you I won't. Go look in the back of your closet."

"You mean behind the Sleep Powder booby-trap you installed there last Christmas?"

"Uh, yeah, behind that."

"Oh! Oh! What is it?!"

"It's your Christmas present."

Bowser Junior's eyes lit up and he jumped for joy. "Really, daddy?!"

"Yeah, sure. You're welcome."

And so the kid was out of there faster than a Super Mario 64 speedrunner backwards long-jumping up the endless stair.

Kamek took several steps back as Bowser took the Super Crown and began to raise the fateful item above his head.

"If this turns me into some freakish loli moeblob creature that says 'Gao! Gao!' and dances around to Vocaloid tunes shaking my tail or some shit like that, I want you to kill me quickly," Bowser told Kamek. "Like, seriously, just shoot me in the face until I'm unrecognizable. Then yank the thing off so it's gone when I eventually respawn."

"With, um, what shall I shoot you, sir?" Kamek asked, and Bowser produced from his shell a Night Hawk .50C Desert Eagle from _Counter-Strike GO_.

"Ah," Kamek said, fumbling with the gun and barely able to hold it in his tiny little hands.

"Careful, now!" Bowser growled at him.

Kamek nodded, still shaking.

Finally, the moment of truth was at hand.

"Well, here goes fuckin' nothin'."

Bowser raised the crown above his head, and slowly brought it down over his noggin.

King Koopa felt a most horrible, unimaginable mental pain, like that of his central nervous system being crushed in a trash compactor, like the dying souls of 30+ year-old _Star Wars_ diehards upon seeing Luke Skywalker milk the titties of that giant space cow, or like if Ice Cube in '89 had been given a window into the future to see _Are We There Yet?_.

"AAARRRRR!"

Then, his mind having collapsed in on itself, the pain became physical in the worst ways possible, and it felt endless, and he wanted it to end.

"GWARRRRR! MY SKIN!"

Bowser's scales ripped off and vanished into the ether as flakes of digital skin took their place. He spewed flames everywhere, and thrashed about, and Kamek took another few steps back so as to not be flambéd.

"YEEEOOOWWWCHHHHHH!"

He felt hair sprout from his scalp, his fangs shrink, his face crushed in, his limbs constrict as if they were suddenly subjected to a pressurized space vacuum, and finally, the final insult: he felt every last millimeter of his dick and balls get sucked right into his body, and then rearrange themselves into lady parts.

"OH JESUS FUCKING CHRISTMAS MY BALLS!"

Then he fell with a thud onto the floor.

At long last, the pain was over. If he'd been a human, Bowser would long ago have passed out and perhaps even died from the pain. But, being a digital being, he could not ever truly die, and so consciousness gradually returned to him.

Bowser became aware of warmth. Then of levitating, being weightless, and finally, comfort.

When he awoke, King Koopa felt oddly light, lighter than he'd ever felt. He blinked twice. It was a familiar ceiling, in his own stony, warm, Gothic castle. He sat up in his bed. The usual, painful weight of his humongous shell was replaced by a feeling of physical freedom. He wanted to jump for joy, to flex, to look himself in the mirror, at least…

He turned to his side, where Kamek was standing nervously, clutching a hand mirror (mirror side away from Bowser) to his chest.

"Give it to me," Bowser asked, but Kamek shook his head wildly.

"Sir… uh, let's give it a minute, shall we?"

"Was that… my voice?" Bowser continued, unable to believe that the adorably husky, undoubtedly feminine voice was coming from his mouth. He ran his scaly tongue around his mouth and felt the sharpness of his fangs. They were all smaller than before, even though his canines did protrude rather uncomfortably from his lips.

"I don't know if this is what Mr. Miyamoto intended," Kamek continued. "Perhaps we should take it off… AH!"

"FOOL!" Bowser grabbed Kamek's hand, stopping it from taking the Super Crown off his head. It was then that he realized that his claws were gone. In their place were hands.

Like, human hands.

Bowser lifted the covers and looked down at the rest of his body.

He was boasting a rad pair of ginormous ta-tas. His tail wagged in ecstasy. Unable to take the suspense any longer, Bowser stood from his bed (it was a much larger drop than he was used to), stark naked in just the way that fandom intended, walked on his light human feet on over to his full-length mirror, and gazed for the first time upon a version of himself he didn't ever know that he needed to see, but now that he'd seen it, he knew his life would have been incomplete without it.

"Wait, why don't I have red hair?" he asked, and his hair changed from blonde to red in a heartbeat.

"Ha! Go blonde again!" he commanded, and it was done again. "Ginger again! But longer!"

"Mother of God…" Kamek began.

"YESSSS!" Bowser screamed in an adorably feminine voice. He then let out a rip-roaring, deep-voiced laugh, but was only able to hold it for a good few seconds before his strained and parched throat caught up with him and he fell into a coughing fit.

Kamek offered some Red Potion and Lemonade, both of which were hurriedly downed.

"Guess I'll have to redo my evil laugh…"

Bowser continued to admire his feminine body in the mirror. His shell was much more manageable. He had curves in just the right places. He spanked his ass, which he hadn't seen in all its full glory, ever. He gently polished his horns. This was bliss. No more would his oversized hurtbox, slow attacks, and over-reliance on grabs in the grab-unfriendly _Ultimate_ ruin his chances at victory in _Smash_ , and in life. No more would he knock things over everywhere he went and feel the need to hunch over and draw himself in so as not to scare those with whom he was speaking. He would turn heads and command respect at the same time. And THOSE LEGS! This body was everything he could ever have wanted.

Bowser swished his tail. It was still as firm as ever.

"Have the Able Sisters sent up immediately," he told Kamek, then realized that he may not be ready to show off this new body to just anyone. "Wait… has anyone else seen me?"

When the answer was a series of uncertain 'ums' and 'ehs', he once again grabbed Kamek by his robe, and focused his intense eyes upon him. "HAS ANYONE ELSE SEEN ME?!"

Barely concealed snickering could be heard outside the door. It turned soon to full-on evil laughter. Bowser recognized the voice. It was Ganondorf's.

"No…!" Bowser started.

"H-h-he was already waiting for you in the drawing room. He saw me bring you up, but… he's promised not to tell."

"Your secret's safe with me!" Ganon half-gasped between breaths.

"How about my boy?!" Bowser asked.

"As you planned, he activated your backup Sleep Powder trap while trying to dig for a present," Kamek said. "He's out cold and I've taken the liberty of shaking down that Victreebel for the good stuff and reset the trap already. He shouldn't remember much."

"Good work," said Bowser.

"You've got a lot of explaining to do to that kid," Ganondorf replied.

"And you're still here. Don't you have an appointment to get dunked on by some pointy-eared fairies? Don't you need to train to get out of low-tier status?!"

Ganondorf was surprised that his best bud exploded so suddenly. "Ah, you're touchy. Can I come in?"

"NO WAY!" Bowser boomed, then toned down his voice, lest he disturb the sleeping Junior, who was just in the opposite wing. "I mean, at least let me get something on first."

"Any suggestions?" he asked Kamek.

"Er, well, we do have some of Peach's dresses, though the proportions are… well, let's just say they're a bit off…"

Bowser recalled that Peach had stashed some clothes in the closet in her comfortable prison tower, which was just about as luxurious as towers can get. But admiring himself in the mirror, he reasoned that the amount of work it would take to adjust Peach's clothes to accommodate his larger bust and posterior and slightly taller frame was probably more trouble than it was worth, not to mention he had some very different ideas of his own as to what he'd be wearing.

"I've already seen what you look like. Naked, too," Ganondorf grumbled from outside the door. "Come on, Broseidon."

But Bowser groaned and wrapped Peach's bathrobe (which she left behind once after needing to use his shower) around him. It was short - barely covering his butt - and he hated the thought of soiling the Princess' garments, but it was better than nothing.

"Fine, come in."

Ganon creaked open the door expecting to have to stifle nervous laughter once more, but he found himself stunned to the quick. He admired Bowser's toned, luscious legs, and his perfect, shapely, feminine figure.

"Oh, man. Er, I mean… can I even call you that anymore?"

Bowser looked down, then up at Ganon. "If you mean the family jewels, they've gone and crawled back up into my body. Might as well have never existed."

 _Hot damn, that's what I'm talkin' about,_ Ganondorf thought, then caught himself. "Can I try that thing on?"

Little flames erupted from Bowser's nose, and he tried to ignore the scorching feeling that they left behind. He'd have to get used to that.

"Do you want to know what true pain feels like?" Bowser asked him, glancing up at the smiling Gerudo. He was NOT used to having to look UP at Ganondorf and this put him on edge. "Imagine an innumerable amount of needles being stuck up your fingernails, and your eyeballs being sucked into an airplane toilet, and Donkey Kong giving you a root canal, and your limbs crushed by an Overly Attached Steelix while every single Uganda Knuckles that ever existed on VR Chat click-clacks directly into your eardrums for eternity…"

"No pain, no gain! Oh come on, you can't have all the fun," Ganondorf teased him. "Give it here, ol' sport."

"I SAID NO!" Bowser yelled, and the insane look in his eyes finally made the impression he was going for. Ganondorf backed off.

"Touchy, touchy," said Ganondorf. "Is it that time o' the month for you, as well?"

"Since when have any of us had a menstrual cycle? You've been spending too much time reading shitty dad jokes on iFunny," Bowser growled as the tailor sisters finally entered. The industrious Mabel and visibly nervous Sable began taking his measurements, and he let his clothes fall to the floor.

Ganondorf tried to turn away from Bowser's bodacious body, but couldn't. The Koopa King described in detail what he wanted his outfit to look like.

"…and I want spikes on all the bracelets and necklaces and shoulder pads, of course. Black, like my heart. An all black dress with a blue pendant, to put Peach's to shame. Keep it modest, for my boy. And I want variations with stockings, and biker pants, and two sets of lingerie, and a biker jacket, and a vest, and an all-leather suit like Trinity from _The Matrix_ , oh, and loads of black and red makeup…"

The two sisters were furiously scribbling down notes.

"…and this must all be ready by... tomorrow," he said finally.

"Um… this is an expensive order," Mabel began. "Perhaps we could work out a—"

Bowser snapped his fingers and Kamek threw her a giant bag of Coins. It was twice as heavy as the sisters put together.

"Didn't have time to go to the Currency Exchange," he apologized.

Mabel and Sable looked at one another, and spoke to one another in their strange _Animal Crossing_ gibberish before replying in the common tongue.

"We'll get it done, Your Highness," said Mabel, Pocketing the Gold. "We'll work in the adjacent room so we can make alterations if necessary."

"Very good. That will be all, Kamek," Bowser said. "Await my bell."

Kamek bowed and left the room. Bowser sat down in his now-overly-large throne and whipped out a beer from his cooler. He tossed one to Ganondorf, who was already seated.

They popped their drinks, and there was a moment of silence between them so both could take stock of what was happening.

"So… uh… are you still… Bowser?" Ganon asked.

"What do you mean?" said Bowser, who snapped and ordered one of his Koopas to begin painting his fingernails.

"I mean, people won't recognize you."

"Hell, I hardly recognize me. I don't feel like me."

"Hmmm, then maybe you should, I don't know… maybe, like, take on a different identity?" Ganondorf suggested.

"I will not hide myself," said Bowser.

"But it's like you said, you're not yourself. You've got no balls."

At those typically fighting words, Bowser instinctively felt compelled to attack his friend, but a split-second passed before he realized that Ganon was not picking a fight but simply stating facts.

"You're right…" Bowser said. "I'm not myself. I don't look like myself, feel like myself, or smell or sound like myself."

He closed his eyes for a good long time, and when he spoke, it was with resolution.

"I guess now you can call me Bowsette."

Ganondorf scratched his chin. "Bowsette? How's that? There ain't no Toadette in ya. Shouldn't it be, like, Peowser? Or Peachser? Or BoPeach…"

"NO. I shall be Bowsette," Bowsette declared, and cracked her knuckles, and that was that. "And I… I guess I'll have to change my pronouns, too. It's only logical."

 _LOGIC!_ Ganon thought. _Let me never be accused of trying to apply logic to Smash!_

Ganondorf gulped as Bowsette crossed her perfectly sculpted legs. He tried to think of something, anything, to change the topic.

"So, uh… what's next for you, Bows…ette?"

"First things first. I want to study this… crown," Bowsette said, bringing forth the scroll with the Super Crown's source code. "...I need to make some quality of life improvements."

"Good call," said Ganondorf, studying the code. "And then?"

"I haven't thought that far ahead yet," said Bowsette seriously. "I haven't even figured out how the hell I'm going to pee."

"If I may," Ganondorf suggested, "once you've ironed out all the kinks, like the pain involved with non-Toadette transformations… you could, uh, with some help, of course, market the hell out of these, and make serious bank."

Bowsette wondered at this. "Would I want to, though?"

"What have you got to lose?"

Bowsette scratched her chin with her now-black painted fingernails. "I don't know. I'm kind of attached to being the only one, you know?"

"Surely it's inevitable. As soon as the others find out they can just put on Super Crowns—"

"But they won't," Bowsette threated Ganondorf. "Because they don't need to know."

Ganon smirked and held his hands up in a sign that seemed to say, 'it can't be helped'. "Look, man, about half your castle saw Kamek drag your ass up here. And even more people are gonna see that darn crown. You gonna put a gag order on all your lackeys? Cat's out of the bag. All you've gotta do is perfect this damn thing, improve on the code so that you can sell your own Super Crowns. Otherwise, everyone's just going to be smuggling the pain-inducing ones in from the _New Super Mario Bros. U_ game!"

"Man, you're right," said Bowsette. "I hadn't thought of this."

"Leave it to me," Ganondorf stated. "I'll get my guys to work with your guys on this. You'll be the walking advertisement, just go out there and do your thing, and I'll figure out the rest. We'll split the earnings 70-30."

And he held his hand out for Bowsette to shake.

"Let's go 50-50."

"Nah… 60-60."

"Hang on, that's… over 100%."

"Exactly! We're going to put in maximum effort! Like, 110% effort! And the other 10% will be from interest!"

Bowsette raised an eyebrow. Ganondorf's math did not sound at all correct, but who was she to question it? Ganon was a Dark Magician, capable of shaping the whole world in his image.

They shook on it.

 _Heh,_ Ganon thought. _Still not the brightest shard of the Triforce here. Maybe this new Bowsette's not so different from the original after all._

Just then, Mabel hustled out of the adjoining room with due speed.

"Milord, your first outfit is ready!"

Bowsette's eyes lit up as if with fireworks.

"OMIGOD YESSSSS!" she said, hissing and squee-ing with delight. Her behavior was downright shocking to Ganondorf. "Ganon, do tell me what you think, darling. But turn away! Mustn't see yet!"

 _Uh, lemme just take that all back,_ Ganon told himself. _She really is something new._

As Ganondorf obeyed his friend's request, he couldn't help but wonder just what the hell he had gotten himself into. And he also couldn't help but wonder what it would be like if he got _into_ his friend, a proposition that was seeming dangerously enticing the longer he was in Bowsette's orbit.

Just then, they heard Kamek cry out in pain. Then a thud could be heard in the hallway.

The door creaked open to absolute silence.

Bowsette's pupils dilated as she heard a sleepy voice say, "Mommy? Mommy! I knew you'd come back someday!"

Before Bowsette could finish buttoning up the back of her dress, Bowser Junior dropped the bat, ran right into her arms, and gave her a huge GLOMP.

Bowsette was utterly speechless, but Ganondorf gave her a look that said, _'Be cool, Broseph. Be cool.'_

"I had a weird nightmare... there was this mushroom crown thing that makes Princess Peaches out of Toads, and daddy was really excited about it..." began Bowser Junior, who then did a double-take, looking awkwardly at Bowsette's bodacious bosom. "You are... my Mommy, right? Because if you're not... I mean, if it wasn't just a dream..."

Bowsette's mouth screwed up into a smile. The part of her that wanted to come clean lost to her newfound and overwhelming maternal instincts. "Of... of course, baby... I'll, uh, be your Mommy..."

"Huh?"

"I mean, as long as I'm here, that is... I've heard so many great things about you. Your daddy's so very proud of you, son!"

"YAY!" Bowser Junior hugged her even tighter, tears of joy running down his blubbering little face.

Ganondorf shook his head in concern, and Bowsette knew then and there that she had gone down the wrong fucking rabbit hole.

 **To Be Continued...**

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you so much for reading! The next chapter may take a little longer, but Faves and Follows will keep me going! Feel free to let me know what ya think of the direction I'm going! ;)


	3. You Can't Always Get What You Want

**There's Something About Bowsette**

 **A/N:** Wow! Thanks so much to all the new followers! I'll continue to do my best and update regularly!

 **thewittywhy:** No spoilers, but Peach has no idea what the next few days will bring. ;)

 **JasonVUK:** Why, thank you! It's just going to get more and more meta!

* * *

 **Chapter Three**  
 **You Can't Always Get What You Want**

Toadette sat impatiently and alone in the waiting room of Bowser's Castle. She gnawed on a decomposing twig and twirled one of her twintails in her free hand. Finally, she ran to the reception counter.

"Is Bowser in yet?" she asked once more.

Wendy Koopa put down her slushie and just blinked at her from behind the desk.

"You know, you don't have to ask me every two minutes. I'll _tell_ you when he's seeing people, and right now, he ain't."

"O… kay…" Toadette mumbled sadly in that husky Toad voice. She returned to reading the tabloids, but nothing at all registered. Her every waking thought was irresistibly drawn to the Super Crown, and her desire to wear it around the _Super Smash Bros. Ultimate_ server.

* * *

After lunch, Mario and Luigi went to hang out briefly with Mega Man, Meta-Knight, Dark Pit, Roy, and Male Robin. They were all involved in a very elaborate series of bets over the current fighters - Ike and Pikachu VS Marth and Pichu on the Pokemon Stadium stage with the Final Smash Meter on.

"Keep this up and you'll all be broke, and I'll have enough for next year's _Tactician Swimsuit Monthly_ subscription," Robin taunted the others, seeing as how he'd amassed the largest pile of coins, much to the anger and dismay of the others, and to the confusion of Roy, who couldn't imagine there were nearly enough tacticians in swimsuits to justify a monthly publication.

"Or, you know, you could just buy yourself a noose and rid us all of your misery," Meta-Knight grumbled.

"One o' these days we're gonna catch you cheating, Robin," Mega Man said. "And it won't be pretty."

But Robin just laughed. "Know thyself, know thy enemy, and the battle is won! Look, Pikachu's gonna fish for that grab… yes… up-throw to Thunder, and Marth will punish, ah! There it is… now Pichu's going to activate his Final Smash."

"I'm not-a betting man," said Luigi, "but if I were, I would bet on something more fun, something we haven't-a been doing for years now."

Dark Pit, whose edge had worn off as of late, looked down at his sandals in depression. "You sound just like Palutena. She's always telling me how much of a square I am. It's not my fault I was designed this way."

But Luigi's words had struck a chord with the others, who were getting bored of betting Coins on _Smash_ battles. It had been a while since the latest addition to the roster was announced, and since the hype train was starting to slow down, everyone was ready to start talking about The Next Big Thing.

"Yeah, what are we doing here?" Roy said at last. "Why don't we go to the pool and see if any of the girls are there?"

The others mumbled their assent, and the brothers, not really down for the millionth game of Marco Polo, decided to play a few sets of tennis.

* * *

Luigi discreetly texted Daisy as to his plans, so it wasn't long before the princesses made their way to the courts.

Peach had finished her letters to both Mario and Bowser, then ripped them up and decided to settle the matter as best she could in person.

Gathering up her courage, she stepped forth onto the court.

"Mario…" she said, approaching the plumber in between sets. "Can we talk for a minute?"

Mario was about to protest on behalf of his brother's need to train, but Daisy was seen to be offering Luigi some of her homemade hibiscus tea, something he just couldn't refuse. The couple took a seat at the back of the court and pretended to ignore them.

 _Thanks a lot,_ Mario tried to psychically communicate to his brother, who merely shrugged in response.

"Sure, we can talk," he told Peach, but made no efforts at attempting to find a place to sit.

Mario merely dribbled a tennis ball against the ground, not venturing to be the first to speak.

"Here, if you please," Peach told her Toads, who set up a couple of fold-out chairs and a large pop-up parasol to shade them at the service line.

Mario reluctantly sat down facing the Princess.

"I understand you were upset over the… _Odyssey_ thing," said Peach.

"Bygones. It's-a all in the past."

She evidently wasn't convinced.

"I'm fine," Mario replied. "Really. It's-a okay."

"No, it's not okay, Mario," Peach insisted, taking his hands in hers. "When people are hurting, it's never okay…"

Mario shrugged and gently took his hands away. "I don't blame you, Peach. You can't help how-a you feel. No one can."

"But I can try…"

"Try?"

 _Try to love him,_ Peach finished Mario's thought. _But I don't know if I can promise that… I can't know, there's something stopping me, a mental block…_

Peach felt hurt. "…I meant to at least try to make things better. Can't we just be as we always have?"

"You've-a hit upon the problem. I can't."

"Oh, Mario, I don't know… this is coming out all wrong," Peach struggled. "I'm lost. I never wanted to hurt anyone, you least of all."

"We're fated to hurt the ones-a we love," Mario replied. "And maybe Bowser and I are-a fated to have our hearts broken. Romantic love is a vicious cycle, especially when it-a forms the basis for the most enduring and lucrative franchise in all of gaming."

Peach was thoughtful for a few seconds. "You invoked 'fate'… that's just a catch-all word for things out of our immediate control."

"Thank-a you, Princess Obvious."

"Look, there's a question here we're not asking. _Why_ does it have to be this way?" Peach queried. "Why does it have to be so complicated?"

"Because I love-a you, dammit!" Mario finally confessed, and threw down his racket. " _Porca miseria!_ How many times have I said it?! If you would care for me, then stop-a tormenting me!"

"Tormenting you?" she asked.

"Looking at me the way-a you do, teasing and-a flirting, all while asking for what I cannot give-a you anymore without hurting myself!"

Without waiting for a reply, he stormed away.

"Don't go! I…" Peach began, eyes downcast.

Mario halted in his steps. "You…"

"I… I lo…"

Peach looked up to see Mario's great big eyes filled with nervous anticipation.

"What I mean is… I don't want you, or anyone, to suffer on my account," Peach finished, and Mario's hopes sank like the Titanic.

Both Peach and Mario knew that she was wanting to say something completely different, but couldn't.

Mario couldn't for the life of him decide whether it was because she couldn't say "I love you", or because she realized mid-sentence that she didn't truly mean it, and he didn't know which was worse. He was too tired of this same old song and dance to even try to penetrate that impenetrable psychic shield.

"I'll suffer if I can-a see the goalpost. Suffering is not-a something to be feared," Mario replied, thinking of his innumerable in-game deaths. "If that were the case, no one would-a be speed-running _Kamilia 3,_ or _Spelunky,_ or _Banjo-Kazooie._ People would-a just sit around and watch the world burn. When fear rules our hearts, we lose everything."

"That's… true, but, oh, Mario, don't you see what a bind I'm in?"

Mario looked sadly at the woman he loved. All these years and she still hadn't learned to be honest with herself.

"Just-a because I see it doesn't mean I can do anything about it. We can't meet each other's needs. I'm-a sorry."

She stood silently, but she wanted to scream, to hide, to wring out the tears in her handkerchief and declare that she was… well, what the hell else could she say? She was losing her friends, and every word she spoke seemed to be driving a wedge between her and her once-upon-a-time-almost-lover.

Contrary to popular belief, they had never actually sealed the deal, and had been living in the nightmarish purgatory of what seemed like an eternal 'will-she, won't-she' courtship ritual.

Mario had been resolved since the previous night spent drinking with Bowser to let her go once and for all, but even he at that moment was so close to breaking that he simply could not be a part of this conversation any more.

"Thank-a you for your sincerity, Peach. You've-a given me peace and I really appreciate it. But I need-a some time… time to think."

She hugged him, and he returned it, warmly.

He took her dainty hand, kissed it, and walked away.

She didn't sniff back the tears, and instead let them flow as she sank back into her seat.

Daisy rushed to Peach. Meanwhile, Luigi followed Mario, who left the court, into the locker room.

"Hey," Luigi said, washing his face beside his brother's.

"Hey," Mario replied.

"How'd it go?"

"Could have-a been worse. I think I'm going to take a much-a-needed weekend vacation."

Luigi was impressed, if a little concerned, at Mario's surety.

"Where to?"

"Sunshine Islands."

"So not far, then."

Mario shook his head. "I just-a need to relax and clear my head."

"Right…" Luigi replied. "I'll try to keep-a her entertained."

When Luigi had exited the court, he felt ready to play some golf with the girls. Peach and Daisy were nowhere to be seen.

He got a text message from Daisy: "Off doing lady stuff~ Toodles~"

Luigi took off his hat and scratched his head. _Well, there goes that idea._

* * *

As Ganondorf worked with Kamek, Bowsette spent much of the afternoon with her son. Bowser Junior excitedly showed off his rooms, toys, weapons, and collection of Koopa Clown Cars.

She began by politely pretending to be interested in all this, but ended with genuine happiness and excitement at being able to see the world through Junior's eyes, just in a different way than she'd ever seen him before.

Junior, being older than many of the Newcomers, was old enough to act like an adult, but he didn't. He seemed to infantilize himself, to be stuck in emotional adolescence, so to speak. His growth and maturity had been stunted ever since _Super Mario Sunshine_.

"You know," he said all of a sudden, "daddy stopped talking about you a while ago. I thought he was lying for a long time and that I never had a mommy, but I guess a lot of us don't have mommies, so…"

Bowsette bit her lip. "That's all right. Your daddy and I have a… complicated relationship."

"Oh? How so?"

"Well, it's like this. Your daddy is a very busy man, and right now he's in the middle of a bold experiment… so your mommy is going to take over his duties for a little while."

"Poor mommy!" Bowser Junior said worriedly.

"Oh, don't feel sorry for me… I'm just sorry I haven't been there for you… I've been spending a lot of time trying to find myself. A lot of us have, ever since we were told we were sentient programs created by a video game company to entertain children. It's quite a lot to put on a conscious being, wouldn't you agree?"

"We're what?" Bowser Junior asked. "I'm confused."

Bowsette smirked. "We are playthings, remember? Strings of code! Characters in a series of video games beloved the world over. That's what we've always been, and it's why we all live here. So we can continue to make people happy."

"Oh, yeah, that," said Junior, who, rather willfully, never really allowed himself to fully grasp the concept, probably because it would so mess with his sense of peace of mind that he might even lose it. "You said that daddy's doing an experiment, right?"

"Yes…" Bowsette nearly gulped. _Did the boy know the truth?_

"If… if I wanted to send a message to my daddy, you'd be able to help me, right?"

"Of course I would." _Daddy's just a little lost right now._

"Thank you. I love daddy. And I love you."

"I love you too, sweetheart."

"My head hurts, mommy. Can you read me a story? I want it to be naptime now."

She led her child to bed.

There was a long moment of silence as Bowser Junior just cuddled up next to his mother. Bowsette began humming the Castle Theme from _Super Mario World_ as she looked for a good book.

 _The poor boy can't accept it. And can I blame him? None of us asked to be here,_ Bowsette reflected. _None of us asked for these roles, for these bodies, to be fated to play one part in this grand game for all eternity…_

"Here, let's get you tucked in," Bowsette said. She took out a large, hardbound copy of _A Thousand Years of Dreams_ , the beautifully-written collection of Kaim's short stories from the hit JRPG _Lost Odyssey_.

She lay in bed with Junior, and stroked the boy's hair as he fell asleep with his head filled with such strange and confusing thoughts.

* * *

Mid-afternoon had passed. Bowsette walked on over to the living room, where she plopped down in front of the TV, spread her arms over the sofa, and leaned her head back.

 _I can't hide in here forever. I need to announce myself to everyone… but how? I need to make a dramatic entrance._

But first, she needed a break. To get away somewhere.

Just then, Bowsette realized she hadn't checked her phone in a while. She had Kamek bring it to her, and saw that she had several messages.

 **Mr. Miyamoto:** Hey, King Koopa! Hope all is well. Just a reminder - please don't tell everyone about the Super Crown! It still has some bugs and we don't want things to get out of control.

 _Yeah, good luck with that,_ she thought.

The next message was a voicemail from Mario.

 **Mario:** Hey-a, friend! How goes the sulking? I'm-a going on vacation to the Sunshine Islands. Just wanted to let-a you know in case you wanted to a-stop by and commiserate. But if not, then so long, Gay Bowser!

 _The Sunshine Islands_ , Bowsette thought. _I could do that._

Bowsette didn't let herself reflect on the truth behind her decision - that she wanted to show off her new body to Mario - because that would have brought up a whole host of other, more complicated questions. So she told herself that she wanted to use Mario in order to gauge how everyone else would react when she showed up to the Smashgrounds Dining Hall.

And so, she rang for Kamek and had him pack up her things, prepare an airship for immediate departure, and reserve a suite at the luxurious Hotel Delfino on Sirena Beach, located in the _Super Mario Sunshine_ server.

 _Now for the important question: Should I go with the blonde, or the red?_

* * *

"He said he wanted space," Peach argued to Daisy, adjusting her cloak so as to hide her very distinguishable face. "Tell me again how that doesn't mean there's another woman in his life."

"Sometimes men just need to be alone," Daisy sighed. It wasn't as if Peach had some sort of claim on him, anyway.

"But this has never happened before," said Peach. "Something's not right." _And this is for his own good,_ she added to herself.

Daisy wanted to level with her stubborn friend, to tell Peach that her pomp, isolation, and ridiculously high standards meant that she was sorely lacking in knowledge and experience with the opposite sex. But she didn't dare, so she kept quiet, even though Peach half-hoped that her friend would say something to reassure or challenge her.

They were now passing the entrance to the _Tomodachi Life_ complex, where Assist Trophies, as well as hopefuls for _Ultimate's_ roster and DLC were housed whenever they weren't busy beta-testing their games, going on photo or video shoots, waiting tables, doing laundry, or goofing off and watching magical girl anime alone in their rooms with some tissues, as Travis Touchdown was wont to do.

Neither of the princesses wanted to be seen around there, but Peach had insisted that there be no other witnesses, so there they were all wrapped up in cloaks as they ascended the stairs to the second level.

Both princesses noticed _Golden Sun's_ Isaac and _Tales of Symphonia's_ Lloyd Irving were sparring in the central courtyard while Blaziken, Incineroar, Geno, Skull Kid, Ken Masters, Karate Joe, The Black Knight, Hector, Rayman, Black Shadow, Shantae, Dixie, Cranky, and Funky Kong, the Doomslayer, Heihachi, Solaire, Arle Nadja, Lip, and Ayumi Tachibana, among dozens of others, looked on and awaited their turns.

"I hope a lot of them get in," Daisy said under her breath.

"What, so we have more match-ups to learn?" answered Peach. "There's enough fighters as it is."

"But it would make people so happy," continued Daisy.

Finally, they reached the room. A sign on it read "Private Investigator. No case too small".

Peach hit the doorbell.

The sounds of hardcore sex happening within stopped.

A tiny doggie door at the bottom flapped open, and a 10cm (4in) tall metal robot emerged from within. He wiggled out of the condom that was covering his body and lit up a cigarette that was nearly as long as he was tall.

Daisy was still looking at the door and waiting for it to open, so she was surprised when Peach squatted down and hunched over to address Chibi-Robo directly.

"We were never here, understand?" she said.

Chibi-Robo made no reply, but looked at her expectantly.

Peach withdrew a large wad of bills that was taller than he was and put it on the floor.

"I have a job for you," said Peach. "You're to begin immediately."

* * *

It was a most gorgeous sunset. On the deck of his yacht, Mario strummed his ukelele in time to Kapp'n's chirpy singing and the Pianta First Mate's Gogoat-skin tambourine. He was so lost in chillin' out, Mario didn't notice the tiny stowaway, Chibi-Robo, who was sneaking around the deck and recording his every move.

At long last, landfall was made at Sirena Beach, and Mario tipped Kapp'n, who continued singing his sea shanty as he sailed back into the glowing orange sunset.

Mario stretched and yawned as he stepped out onto the sand, then toted his own backpack to the hotel in which he'd be staying. Chibi-Robo wrapped a seashell around him and followed like a two-legged hermit crab.

As he entered, Mario became aware of a stunningly gorgeous woman sitting at the Steinway grand piano. She was decked out in a form-fitting black blouse with a blue pendant and low-cut back, a frilly miniskirt, knee-high black stockings and heels, and boasted an eerily familiar spiky green shell on her back, as well as a flowing mane of blonde hair interrupted by two horns and a crown.

Calm, relaxed eyes peered out at the score from below the wild mess of hair as she delicately plucked away at the keys.

The soft notes of Ludovico Einaudi's Nuvole Bianche lilted into the air and carried Mario over to the irresistible beauty, whose fragrance of spicy perfume, reminding him of lightly burnt incense, intoxicated his humongous nostrils.

She was so lost in the piece, and Mario so lost in her, that he stood gaping, entranced, until she completed it.

At long last, having noticed his presence, Bowsette turned to regard her longtime friend, rival, and companion.

"Good evening, Mario."

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you so much for reading! Hope y'all liked it. Faves, follows and reviews keep me going! As you can see, I'm taking a slower pace to this story, so please don't expect too much raunchy stuff yet, but trust me when I say the wait will be worth it. :D


	4. Masquerade

**There's Something About Bowsette**

 **A/N:** Thanks again to all the new followers! Hope this chapter turned out all right, since I rewrote it twice. I'm also happy to say that most of the next chapter is already finished, which gives me more time to polish it before I release it on Thursday. :D Happy times!

 **GaoGod:** So do I. So do I.

 **JasonVUK:** Awesome! Glad to hear it! :D

 **death'sgodson1224-DGS:** I'm actually really glad for the additional details they put into Mario's expressions in _Odyssey._ It's a lot easier for me to imagine him emoting now, haha.

* * *

 **Chapter Four  
Masquerade**

Upon hearing the inimitable Bowsette for the first time via Chibi-Robo's built-in microphone (the pint-sized droid was live-streaming to her phone, but the connection to that little-used sector on the dusty Sunshine Islands server was so weak that she was unable to see his video), Princess Peach leapt from her bed in agitation.

 _So there is another woman!_

* * *

Bowsette casually tossed a lock of her hair aside and turned to face Mario, her two chest-cannons forming the basis for a full-frontal assault.

"Hi, there," Mario replied. "Um… I don't-a think we've met."

"Are you sure about that?" Bowsette replied in a sultry voice, and with her smile, Mario noticed the familiar fangs and smirk that belonged to his longtime frenemy, and he nearly leapt out of his Hawaiian shirt.

Finally, she shook her blonde hair vigorously, and it changed color from blonde to red.

"It can't-a be…"

Bowsette laughed, a different laugh than before, and it was deep, and warm, and feminine, but a little too forced.

Mario stood gaping, unable to speak.

Bowsette tried not to let on how much she relished the sight as she rose from the piano. "So are you going to buy me a drink, or what? Come on, silly."

They both sat at the luxurious lounge, recently added in the hotel's most recent HD remodel, and spruced up with velvety sofas and carpets. The piano replaced the water feature in the center. A snazzy bar now stood where the fruit stand used to be, and rosy mood lighting replaced the flaming torches.

Bowsette flagged down their Pianta waiter. "Gin and tonic for me. And my friend will have a scotch, right? On the rocks?"

" _Mamma Mia!_ What is-a going on?"

"That's a yes," Bowsette told the waiter, then smiled at Mario. "You must have missed it. Mr. Miyamoto lent me this thing."

She pointed at her Super Crown.

Mario was stunned. "Of-a course! You got it to work? Could I try it?"

"It would be very painful… for you," said Bowsette in her best Bane ( _The Dark Knight Rises_ ) impression, and she gave him a very in-depth description of the pain and horrors she underwent during the transformation.

"But perhaps once we figure out how to make it work for anyone," she concluded, "you can give it a spin."

Mario scratched his chin as he admired his good friend.

"Does-a Junior know?"

"Sort of."

"Ah."

They downed their first drinks and Bowsette described the story of how it all went down, omitting nothing.

* * *

When Bowsette got to the part about Ganondorf and Kamek attempting to modify the Super Crown's Source Code, Peach felt her heart leap into her throat. By now, she'd deduced that Bowser of all people was wearing the Super Crown, and she could not, would not, let this go any further.

Still watching the live feed on her phone, Peach hurriedly dressed up to go out. Forgoing her usual dress, she put on her _Mario Kart 8_ bike jumpsuit. After arming herself with her usual accoutrements as well as a homerun bat for good measure, she called for a hot air balloon to be readied, then opened the large glass doors to her balcony, where she stared ominously at Bowser's Castle in the distance.

Deep within the bowels of that place she knew so well, unspeakable horrors were being wrought, and she was the only one who could do anything about them… but she knew this wasn't a job she ought to attempt alone.

She left the live feed on her phone for a second and began to type a message.

 **Peach:** Hey, Snake… sorry to trouble you so late, but I could really use your help. Top secret sneaking mission and all that. Will pay up front.

* * *

Snake, meanwhile, was balls-deep into no-suit Samus on her Hunter-class Gunship, which was hovering high above the Smashgrounds Main Castle, at the moment Peach's message popped up on his phone.

Portishead's "Roads" played from Samus' speakers as Snake saw his phone light up on the bedside table, but couldn't discern the message.

Samus grabbed Snake by the chin and tilted his head back to look at her. "Eyes on me, big boy," she said as she slapped both of his butt cheeks with the force of a thousand Phil Swifts right where they were nerfed.

He winced in pain as his hip bones rattled and his ball joints shook.

"Oh, I forgot," she said. "Sorry."

"I'm gonna get you for that," Snake teased her as he nibbled and twisted her nipples, all the while bottoming out within her.

Samus wrapped her legs around Snake's back and squeezed.

Needless to say, Peach's text went ignored.

* * *

"It's so absurd!" Mario said at last, once Bowsette's inside story was done and they were onto their fifth round of drinks.

"I know, right?!" exclaimed Bowsette, whose eyes had never been more sparkling and vivid. "I feel like a million bucks!"

Mario smirked. It really was incredible how much Bowsette looked like a perfectly genderbent conglomeration of both Peach and Bowser. What was even more incredible was the unprecedented and intense sexual power that she was holding over him. It was as if Bowsette held his fate between both pairs of her lips, and despite Mario's best attempts to keep a poker face, she knew it.

Bowsette, of course, did know it, and she relished in that power.

"So… what's your next-a move?" Mario asked.

Bowsette let her first and most foremost fantasy play through her mind: she considered proposing to Mario that they pretend to be in a relationship in front of Peach, and not even take notice of her. That'd make her regret turning them both down real quick. But to go through so much trouble just to enact a ruse seemed not only an inefficient method of exacting revenge, but a petty misuse of a unique power.

"I've been pondering it," said Bowsette at last. "In the right hands, this Super Crown might be a great weapon."

Mario frowned. "If you're thinking of-a tormenting her, I won't-a stand for it."

"A White Knight 'till the end." Bowsette laughed to disguise how well Mario had seen through him. "T'was an idle thought, nothing more. I have much grander plans in store…"

"You don't say?"

"I do say."

Mario could tell from her tone that that was as much as Bowsette was willing to share. _Who'd have thought it?_ Here his friend was speaking the words of a Mafioso with the sultry sizzle of a succubus.

Mario smiled. Bowsette was still getting used to being a woman.

"I can't-a get over it…"

"Hmmm?"

"You're just-a so… different," Mario said absently, referring to Bowsette's personality as much as her looks.

"Well, no shit!" Bowsette jested, grabbing her giant breasts. "I traded by testicles for chest-icles! For better or worse, I'm ALL woman now!"

Mario laughed nervously, and Bowsette joined him.

A whimsy suddenly occurred to Bowsette. _I wonder if I can get my genitals to change on will… maybe if I modify the source code. Worth looking into._

"MORE DRINKS!" she demanded.

Another round of fiery cognac saw Mario's head spinning.

"I've-a got a story for you, too," he told Bowsette.

"Oh?"

"Peach came up to-a me today. Said she wanted to be friends. For things to stay as they were."

Bowsette looked on, enraptured. "And?"

On a pretense of leaning in to listen better, and so Mario didn't need to raise his voice, Bowsette scooted on over next to him. Her legs touched his and her intoxicating pheromones nearly drove Mario into a swoon.

Mario attempted to say matter-of-factly, "I told-a her no."

"A taste of her own medicine!" Bowsette said, putting her arm around her good friend and nearly pressing her ta-tas into his cheek. "Maybe she'll finally come to understand our plight."

"I don't-a care anymore," Mario stated, trying to take the overbearing nearness of the gorgeous woman beside him in stride. "I honestly don't have-a the capacity to care what she thinks, and it feels great."

"That's the spirit, Mario!" urged Bowsette, who, leaping on the coffee table in a power stance, suddenly sounded like an enthusiastic cheerleader who'd just inhaled a Tony Montana-sized mountain of pixie dust. "I feel great, too! In fact, I don't think I've ever felt better!"

"It's-a like we've been freed from a curse!" Mario exclaimed as he caught a fleeting glance up Bowsette's mini-skirt and caught a whiff of the taste of heaven beneath her black-and-white striped panties. "Wa-hoo! Another round!"

The Piantas just gave up at that point and brought them their last remaining bottles, and the two were up into the wee hours of the morning drinking, laughing, reminiscing, and singing. At least, that is, until a little someone slammed their door open and ambled down the stairs, complaining about the noise.

It was Toadsworth, the old, mustached Toad, shaking his cane in frustration.

"Confound it! Can't a guy get some sleep around here?! Oh!"

At the sight of Bowsette, his mustache shook with absolute rage.

"BOWSER?!"

"Bows- _ette_ , actually," she replied smugly.

"Toadsworth! Come-a drink with us!" Mario suggested.

"Good heavens! What the hizz-ell is THAT THING?!" Toadsworth yelled. "DEGENERATES! Why, if the Princess saw you— AHH!"

Mario and Bowsette were in such a rowdy mood, they threw empty bottles at the elderly Toad until he fled in consternation and terror, tripping over himself as he fled back to his room.

The two laughed and jested like children even as the Piantas served them with severe expressions.

"Hey, whaddaya say we go race across the beach?!" Bowsette suggested.

Mario took Toadsworth's tiny glasses, which fell on the floor, and used them like a monocle. "I say! I must-a credit you, Bowsette, on a most capital idea!"

And so Bowsette took off her heels and the two drunk friends ran out of the hotel, leapt over the fountains and onto the beach, and raced one another along the coastline. Chibi-Robo tried to keep up, but struggled on the sand.

* * *

Teeth gritting and her toes curled up, Princess Peach couldn't believe how bad the reception was even from her hot air balloon.

As she frantically held her phone aloft, Peach was barely able to keep her cool enough to not activate her fiery Vibe and raise her altitude.

 _Listen to them, they're… so free… having so much fun… how? Why? What's happening?_

Peach was so intent on trying to hear the muffled details of their conversation that she didn't notice how close she was to Bowser's Castle until it was too late.

"AH!" Peach exclaimed as her hot air balloon nearly crashed right into one of the corner towers.

She Floated and scrambled into the window, but accidentally dropped her phone as she climbed up onto the sill.

 _Let that be a warning to you, Peach! Pay attention!_ she chastised herself.

Dusting herself off, she snuck and clambered around the spiral stairways, scrolling rooms, lava-filled vertical chambers, and other tedious obstacles filling up the castle with relative ease, greeting Thwomps, Dry Bones, Hammer Bros., and Bob-Ombs she'd known for years, and whom she'd leapt on and forced to respawn many a time. She'd spent so much of her time within these walls, she could have done this in her sleep.

 _I don't need Snake,_ she told herself. _I don't need anyone._

But she was descending into places well-protected, and a persistent, nagging sensation that she was being followed, gnawed at the outer recesses of Peach's consciousness until she found herself pressing her back against the wall every few steps and withdrawing her homerun bat, ready to do battle.

Finally, she stopped suddenly, and this time there was no mistaking it. She'd definitely heard another set of feet echoing behind her.

Peach resolved to face her foe. She reached a particularly isolated and narrow hallway, one ideal to make a last stand, if she needed to. She hid behind an outcropping at the end of the hallway and withdrew a homerun bat and timed her charge on it just right.

But just at the moment she released the bat, she saw that the figure walking on by was none other than a very somber-looking Bowser Junior and immediately fell back in a desperate effort to redirect her swing.

The bat slammed into the tunnel, hard, with that oh-so-satisfying SCHWIIIING sound effect, and the next thing they knew, a giant, physics-defying crack ran down the old masonry. Peach and Junior had a couple of seconds to high-tail it into the next chamber before the tunnel crumbled to dust all around them.

Peach coughed and sputtered at all the dust.

"Mommy?" Junior asked. "Mommy, is that you?"

"We've been over this, Bowser Junior," she said, dusting off her dress in vain. "I'm not your mother."

"I know _you_ aren't…" he agreed sadly.

It took a second for Peach to put two-and-two together, but she soon caught the drift.

"I see. When was the last time you saw your mommy?" Peach asked.

"Just this afternoon! I finally got to meet her. She was so sweet... she read me a story, and tucked me in for a nap, but then when I woke up… there was just this note."

He whipped out a piece from Peach's personal stationary.

 _Junior,  
_ _I'll be away for a couple of days. Please behave yourself, and for the love of Iwata, don't go into Kamek's Lab. He's doing some very dangerous work.  
_ _Love,  
_ _Mommy_

The handwritten note Bowser Junior showed Peach stunned her - she recognized in it something very similar to her own handwriting.

"Would you believe it?" Junior continued, nearly in tears. "I've been waiting my whole life for her, but as soon as she shows up, poof! Gone! What'd I do, Princess Peach? Did I disappoint her?"

"I'm sure you didn't disappoint her, and she's probably just busy, but Junior... your mother said specifically not to go into Kamek's Lab," said Peach.

"So?"

"So that's exactly where you're headed. This passage leads there and there alone. Care to explain?"

"Maybe she's there right this moment!" Bowser Junior urged. "I know what reverse psychology is, you know."

 _Truly, yours is a vast and superior intellect,_ she thought.

"And if she is," he continued, "maybe we can find her together!"

"Yes, why don't we go together?" Peach suggested. "Only, let's try and go quietly."

"Quietly?" Junior clarified, but Peach, who sensed that they were close, just put a finger to her lips and gestured to a spiral staircase leading to Kamek's Lab, just a few floors up in its own corner tower.

Peach took off her sneakers and they ascended on their tip-toes. As they neared their destination, the sounds of sewing machines and voices could be heard, including one that every so often went "Guuurmmm! Owwww..."

"Run the benefits by me again," said a familiar spooky voice that filled Peach with a deathly chill.

"It's simple," replied a tired, impatient voice that Peach recognized as belonging to Ganondorf. "Put it on, and presto! You're a cute Peach-like version of yourself that will probably be a hit with fan artists on the Internet once we leak some lewds."

As Peach and Junior now saw, Ganon was addressing King Boo, who was inspecting their test subjects so far - a cute brown-haired lady that had once been a Goomba and paced the floor on a strict x-axis, a rather vicious-looking girl, formerly a Chain Chomp, sitting in a black dress tied up to a stake in the corner, a woman with green hair and an orange bonnet decked out in red and green with white polka dots who was half-hiding like a Piranha Plant within a Warp Pipe, and a girl in gray who kept falling onto her butt on a mat every ten seconds and exclaiming an oddly satisfying "Guuurrmmm! Owwww..." each time. Peach deduced that she must have been a Thwomp until just recently.

"You really don't have to do that," said Ganondorf, who was annoyed, but didn't have the heart to take off the Thwomp's Super Crown and cause it more pain. "If you want your ass destroyed, I'll be happy to help later."

"O-o-o-okay," the Thwomp replied, catching herself before she fell onto her butt and squatting instead.

"And of course, Mabel and Sable will be making your dresses," Ganondorf added, gesturing to the overworked Able Sisters, who, after dressing up the poor Thwompette, returned to working furiously on Bowser's commissions in the back of the room.

King Boo seemed slightly less skeptical than he was just a minute prior. He'd always distrusted the entire concept of legs. It probably felt very heavy and tiresome, having to use the floor to support one's whole body. But the curiosity of what he'd look and feel like got the better of him.

"What's the catch?" he asked Ganondorf.

"Generally, it's been really painful, and we haven't been able to figure out how to bypass pain signals," said Ganon. "Kamek and I tweaked the code _again_ , but as you can see, none of the others wanna go through any more agony. But seeing as how you don't exactly have a central nervous system, I have a theory that, whatever happens, you maybe won't hurt so badly…"

"Wait, you just want to use me as an experiment?" King Boo was astonished. "I'll have you know I'm royalty!"

"Yeah, and I'm the Queen of England," said Kamek, who had just returned from using the bathroom. "We tried recruiting one of your little guys, but they're too shy and just turn away from us."

"That's kind of what they do," King Boo answered. "Suppose I can't blame you for trying. Ah, what the hell. I'll do it if you do it."

Ganondorf raised an eyebrow. "If _I_ do it?" He'd never quite pondered what he'd look like as a woman. It might be rather awkward. "All right," he said. "What the hell. Kamek, summon the Super Crowns."

"You know, this could get out of hand real fast," said Kamek, who stood over a pentagram drawn in crayon on the floor, in the center of which was unfurled the scroll containing the Super Crown source code (on the tips of its pointed stars were arranged sugar, spice, a piece of paper with the words 'everything nice', seasons 1-2 of _Sailor Moon_ on Blu-Ray, and an 8TB hard drive filled with nothing but Rule 34 and 63 images), and waved his magical scepter.

"A little late for concern, Kamek. Pandora's Box has been open for a while now," stated Ganondorf.

Peach calculated the amount of time it would take her to run up and snatch the Super Crown scroll from that pentagram. If everyone were distracted, she just might make it.

The whole process took seconds. Two Super Crowns popped right into existence.

Ganondorf took them both and handed one to King Boo.

 _I sure hope I know what I'm doing,_ Ganondorf said, wincing at the possible flurry of pain he was prepared to experience.

"Count of three?" King Boo said, taking off his old crown, and Kamek retreated behind a magical barrier, almost out of instinct now.

Peach and Bowser Junior watched intently from the staircase.

"Stay here," Peach whispered to Junior.

"Three…" they said in unison.

"Huh? Why? Where are you going?" he asked.

"Two…" Ganondorf held the crown above his head.

Peach drew a turnip, not answering the boy.

"One… Go!"

Princess Peach dashed into the room at the same moment the blinding light of King Boo's rather magical girl-like transformation kicked in and he twirled and pirouetted in the air in a dazzling light show before returning as a very changed and very beautiful, well-endowed, silvery-haired woman with sharp eyes, fangs, and a tongue that put Gene Simmons' to shame.

Ganondorf, who hadn't dropped the crown and yet still held it above his head, looked on in admiration at the now-Queen Booette, whose long, flowing white hair failed to obey the set laws of physics. Covering her private parts as Kamek fetched a towel, she looked down and felt the cold, hard ground beneath her feet with her dainty white toes.

 _How DO people deal with all this weight?_

"Wow, you're stunning," he said.

"You didn't don the crown!" Queen Booette harrumphed at him.

"Well, not _yet_. Was that painful at all?" queried Ganon, who just then turned at the sound of squeaking shoes to regard Peach, who'd literally just snatched up the Super Crown scroll. Before he could react, though, she lobbed the turnip right at his face.

The direct hit forced him to drop the crown on his head.

"AHHH!" Ganondorf cried in sharp agony at the pain that ensued, thus answering his own question.

"After her!" Kamek ordered the other test subjects.

Peach didn't stay to watch the transformation, nor to address the very confused Bowser Junior, who was in the process of putting two and two together with regards to his mommy, beyond one parting glance as if to say ' _I'm sorry_ '. Peach high-tailed it out of the Lab's other exit, a high catwalk that connected to the Castle ramparts.

 _They can't catch me!_ Peach huffed and puffed. _I'll burn this before they do!_

* * *

 **A/N:** Hey, thanks so much for reading! Really hope you enjoyed it! Reviews, Follows and Faves are _very much_ appreciated, and believe me, if you're liking the story so far, you're gonna want to know when the next chapter's ready! Toodles~


	5. Islands in the Stream

**There's Something About Bowsette**

 **A/N:** YO! Thanks so much to everyone who Followed and Fave'd from the last chapter! :) I really hope you all like this one, which is where this fic earns its MA rating!

 **Guest 2:** U Mad Bro?

 **Guest 1:** I recommend you seek help. National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255

 **thewittywhy:** It was really tough writing Peach like that, since she's practically my waifu. But her arc isn't over yet. :)

 **JasonVUK:** I know, right?! Sadly, her cliffhanger will have to wait until next chapter.

 **Black Gold Saya:** Agreed!

 **S:** Hang on, who's Baubles?

* * *

 **Chapter Five  
** **Islands in the Stream**

At Sirena Beach, the full moon had moved far across the sky, the waves were lapping up the pixelated sands, and the goggle-eyed Dolphins were savagely ripping and tearing entire schools of Cheep Cheep to bits.

Bowsette, who had almost completely buried Mario in the sand, suddenly began laughing boisterously.

"What's so funny?" Mario asked, painfully aware of how close Bowsette's hands were to him as she packed the sand around the tent forming in his shorts' crotch area.

"Oh, I was just recalling how brutal it was watching you guys all struggle against those _Mario Party Top 100_ mini-games…"

"You sadis-a-tic bastard! You couldn't-a stop laughing when we were testing Bowser's Big Blast!"

Bowsette snickered as she began to build up sand-boobs over Mario's chest. "Friggin' Wario was breaking down, saying he was gettin' PTSD from bein' blown up so many times… ohohohohoho…"

"Nice-a to see your sense of humor is intact. Those older games… kind of-a glad we weren't around for them. Lights-a Out especially."

Bowsette smiled warmly as she leaned over Mario, hovering inches from his face as she sprinkled sand over the few empty spots on his neck. "Heh, I can't imagine doing that Fruits of Doom game. I wouldn't be able to keep a straight face!"

Every time Mario looked at her, despite himself, his heart continued to melt a little more than he thought was possible. He was being suffocated by her intoxicating presence.

"Why do you exist?" Mario suddenly asked without meaning to speak aloud. " _How_ do you exist?"

"No one to blame but Nintendo for that one," Bowsette said with a laugh, sensing how perplexed poor Mario was. "There's actually concept art from _Odyssey…_ aaand yeah, I think we're good. Let me just get a picture…"

"Wait, we-a never agreed to a photo!"

But Bowsette already snapped several with her phone, including some where Mario could be seen flailing his arms in a general panic.

"Oh, that one's goin' in my cringe compilation!"

Mario shook himself free of the sand. "De-leeete those!"

Bowsette just laughed as she ran away.

"You're gonna have to catch me first!" she teased.

"Why, you!"

They ran with reckless abandon along the coastline and the rocky cape encircling the hotel, laughing at the insanity and absurdity of it all as the very first rays of dawn began to break.

At long last, Bowsette got herself cornered with her back to the wall at a far corner of the cliff. She held her hands up. The phone was nowhere to be seen.

"Well, looks like you're shit outta luck," she said with a smirk.

"Then I'm-a just gonna have to find it!"

"You wouldn't grope a woman!" Bowsette countered. "I'll cry rape and you'll be vilified for life!"

"Are-a you making fun of women? You know you are-a one now…" Mario retorted, arms crossed.

"I'm a friggin' Queen, I'll make fun of who I want." Bowsette flexed her dainty hands and flashed her long black nails as if they were claws. "If you're gonna search me, search me. But I won't make it easy."

Mario reached out his hand. Bowsette slapped it away.

"Weaksauce!" she teased.

They began to spar, and Bowsette reveled in her newfound speed. She dodged Mario's fireball, shielded his attempted sweep kick, poked at him with swishes of her tail, and kept him away with her own fiery breath.

But then she whiffed a grab, and Mario, who ducked beneath her arms, went for the weak point - the side of Bowsette's belly, where she was sure to be ticklish.

She jumped in surprise - this was a new feeling entirely. Mario went all in, tickling her belly and armpits with his giant sausage fingers as she fell helplessly onto her shell, her breasts bouncing, to quote the Fatboy Slim track _Talkin' bout my Baby_ , like two big ol' balloons in a hurricane.

Mario jumped atop her and continued tickling, to much laughter and even kicking out with her bare, sandy feet.

"Uncle! Uncle!" Bowsette finally cried, short on breath.

Mario stopped. As he smiled victoriously at Bowsette, she saw a spark light up his eyes, a happiness that she'd never known, and never knew she wanted to see, and as much as she wanted Mario to go further, seeing how well and how fully she was able to accomplish her secret goal of charming his pants off (secret even from herself) kind of scared her a bit.

For Mario's part, he was conflicted, torn between the side of him that wanted nothing more than to ravish Bowsette and make her his, and the other, less influential voice that was telling him that this was his good friend of many years, and that no matter what he looked or sounded or smelled like now, and no matter how much she _seemed_ to want to take this as far as they were both willing, deep down, Bowsette was the same edgy, buffoonish, fun-loving, fire-breathing, princess-nabbing dragon beast that he was destined to fight, time and again, and against whom he was constantly racing, serving tennis balls, and possessing with demonic caps.

But did any of that matter? If so, _why_?

Bowsette's heavy breathing was now slowing down, and she was catching her breath even as Mario continued to hold eye contact. With her heightened feminine instincts, she could sense, even through his most neutral expressions, the torment he felt within, and she softened her expression to match his.

The digital beings (they were most often called the CAST, named after Nintendo's self-teaching, self-learning AI program: the _Chaos Automation Stabilizers_ ) were originally created without the binary biological sex organs with which humans were generally born. Said sex organs were only programmed in to those who requested them, and only after a vote proposed by the more curious among them.

 _Why, if we have the power,_ thought Mario, _ought we_ not _to modify our bodies at will? Why not be whoever we want to be, and fuck whomever we want to fuck? As long as it isn't getting in the way of work, who can stop us?_

 _No,_ Mario realized with sudden clarity. He could not clearly see Bowser's will in Bowsette's horny, pleading eyes. _That isn't the issue. It's a question of whether I'm taking advantage of my friend. Maybe when that Super Crown comes off, Bowser will think differently of what happened under its influence. What then? How am I to know this is really what he would want?_

Bowsette sat up, still holding Mario's glance; she was asking him what it was specifically that he was afraid of, and in that moment, she was prepared to do anything to not lose him.

 _If traps are gay, this is the gayest thing I've ever done,_ Mario thought.

"What is this, a staring contest?" she joked at last.

"It doesn't always have-a to be a competition."

"What's wrong? Afraid I might bite? All's fair in love and war."

Mario wanted so deeply to kiss her. But he didn't. No, despite his drunkenness, and horniness, and blue balls, for his friend's sake, and for hers, and for Peach's, he couldn't make the first move.

"Are-a we going till we blink, or until someone smiles?" Mario asked.

Bowsette blinked and smiled at the same time. "Oh, curses! You jinxed me!"

Mario laughed, too, and seizing an opportunity, Bowsette rushed in to tickle Mario's side until he fell over.

Filled with a mingling of hope and fear, Mario just lay there as Bowsette suddenly sidled up next to him, and, retaining intense eye contact, ran her fingers over his round, soft face.

"What are-a you doing?" Mario asked, nervous anticipation threatening to overwhelm him. "When-a you take that crown off… what will—"

"Shhh," Bowsette said, putting a finger to Mario's lips. "You've wanted her; I've wanted her. Now I get to live out my fantasy through your eyes, and her body. So I'm you, you're me, and I'm Peach, and we're all of us gonna enjoy the fuck outta this."

As Mario attempted to make sense of this massacre of logic, Bowsette took his head with both hands now, looked at his lips expectantly, then ever so slowly closed the distance.

Mario didn't have the willpower to resist. He let Bowsette press her soft, glossy, strawberry lips onto his, and jolts of lightning ran up both of their spines as their forbidden love was sealed.

Bowsette felt Mario stroke her cheek and her hair with his bare, calloused hands. He broke the long kiss, then began to pepper her with little kisses.

"Yessss," Bowsette moaned with immense satisfaction as Mario kissed her forehead, her nose, her cheeks, and worked his way down. This was the release she had been needing for years.

She tilted her head back, letting Mario kiss the nape of her sweaty neck, and her jaw, and to continue kissing up to her delicate, pointy right ear, which he teased by gently moving Bowsette's large bauble earring aside.

She opened her mouth when he kissed her again, and Mario's tongue slipped in and felt the sharpness of her fangs, which suddenly snapped him out of his reverie.

" _Mamma Mia,_ what am I doing?" Mario started at once, and tried to get up, but Bowsette suddenly and forcefully pushed him down onto his back. Before Mario knew what was happening, she straddled him.

"You're not getting away from me this time, plumber. Oh, almost forgot."

She suddenly whipped her hair, and it changed back to blonde once more. It was less wild and in Peach's style.

Mario hardly had a chance to react to this, though; he exclaimed aloud as he felt Bowsette's wet, warm sex against his diamond-hard dick, and when sitting up, nearly poked his nose into her massive melons.

"You're always dunking me into the lava… leaving me behind, jumping on my friends… you don't deserve these… yet here you are, you naughty, naughty boy."

She tied her hair into a ponytail with one hand and pulled him towards her tits with her other as she rocked back and forth atop his throbbing toadstool; Mario resisted, and realized with some irony that it was his turn to be kidnapped… but is it really a kidnapping if you don't want to be rescued?

"Don't fight it," Bowsette urged him as she held his face and looked deeply into his big blue eyes. "I know you want this…"

 _But… are_ you _sure…?_ Mario didn't know just how to reach the Bowser inside Bowsette. He hoped his expression conveyed his concerns.

 _YES! A hundred times, yes!_ Bowsette answered resoundingly, her eyes filled with lustful need.

It was as if, during Bowser's years of unfulfilled desire for Peach, he had so ideated and obsessed over her that _becoming_ her was the next logical step, and, having reached that goal, beginning to right Peach's wrongs by ending Mario's personal hell seemed to follow naturally from that train of thought.

Bowsette finally admitted to herself what she had known from the first: that her libido had increased tenfold as a result of her transformation, and that only one man, the man whose life she was bound to, whose soul she knew in and out, whose struggles she'd seen and commiserated with for so long, would ever satisfy her.

"I want you, Mario."

"But why?"

"Because you're fucking hot, and I've been wet for you all evening. No, look at me. I learned something tonight. We don't need _her_ to be happy."

Mario flushed. "It-it's-a just all so sudden…"

"I _LOVE_ being a hot babe. And the way you look at me… if it feels so right, how could it be wrong?"

"I can't believe this is-a real! Why, yesterday…"

"Get out of the past!"

She slapped Mario hard, grabbed his hands and put them on her tits, as if to say, _real enough for ya?_

Mario needed no more prompting. A switch had been flipped in his brain.

He fondled Bowsette's breasts ever so gently, then looked up expectantly. She nodded for him to take off her top.

Like a curious schoolboy, he peeled the black blouse off of her bosom and, as she clumsily unbuttoned it from behind, admired her rack in all its glory. Her nipples were rock-hard. Consumed with lust, he immediately put his mouth over one and fondled the other at mach speed, prompting Bowsette to squeal like a Japanese schoolgirl.

"KYAAA~~! W-w-wait, Mario! Ahh, it's too much!"

He pulled back and took it slower, tracing outlines around her areolas with his tongue as she stripped off her dress.

"Yeah… just like that…" Bowsette purred and nuzzled against Mario, pressing him deeper into her chest. "Oh, God…"

Smelling the sweet sweat on his oily hair and finding that she loved it, Bowsette felt then the full range of the complex, but not contradictory, feelings she held towards Mario. There was primal lust there, yes, and their competitive rivalry, too, but also oh so much more. She wanted - needed - everything from him, and she wouldn't be satisfied with less.

Bowsette wrapped her arms around his neck and whimpered at his teasing. Once it got to be too much, she grabbed his head again and kissed him all over.

He tasted a little like her tits now; sweaty and oily, and his tongue told her that he was ready for the next step.

Then, in one swift motion, she pulled away and climbed off of him.

Mario was confused until Bowsette suddenly pulled down his shorts, prompting his seven-inch erection to spring to immediate attention.

" _Mamma Mia_!"

"Awww, did _I_ do that to you? You _are_ a grower!" Bowsette teased in a voice and cadence obviously mocking Peach as she pulled her dress off completely, then got on her elbows in front of Mario's crotch, showing off her perfect ass. "Well, then, we can't just leave it like that, can we?"

She nuzzled up to his cock and kissed it. And with that, she wrapped her right hand around the base of Mario's shaft and began moving it up and down, albeit extremely slowly.

"Ahhh," Mario suppressed his moans as Bowsette used her other palm to cradle his balls, pressing and rubbing her index finger against the magic spot in his gooch as she did so, tapping his perineum in just the right way.

"Does that feel good, Mario, baby?" asked Bowsette, fluttering her eyelashes.

The rising sunlight reflected off of her now completely feminine expression just as the soft moonlight in Mario's eyes accentuated the tears of joy forming in those large, wet orbs. He nodded, and tried to speak, but couldn't.

 _Thank-a you…_ he seemed to be saying.

Bowsette gently blew a few stray grains of sand off of Mario's penis and spat on it as she gradually increased the speed of her pumps. She would speed up a little, then slow down, then stop for a second, all to tease him.

When Mario seemed utterly uncomfortable, she resisted the urge to laugh in his face, smiled, and squeezed his shaft gently.

She looked lovingly into his bright blue eyes and pouted. "Do you want me to use my mouth?"

Mario nodded vigorously. "Just, ah… watch-a the teeth, maybe?"

Bowsette grinned a bit too enthusiastically. She began by kissing Mario's pipe up and down even as she stroked it, acclimating herself to the thing. At last, she took a deep breath, then slowly took her lover into her mouth.

Mario all but yelped, sure that his dick was about to be cut to ribbons, but Bowsette was careful. She started lightly kissing and sucking the head, then flicked around it with her tongue before feeling confident enough to attempt to take in more of him.

Bowsette didn't know what to expect from her first blowjob. It was salty and sweaty, but those little details just brought her back to reality and turned her on more and more.

She looked into Mario's eyes and saw every emotion under the sun all occurring simultaneously. She savored the power she held over him even as she delighted in making herself his servant.

"Am I doing a good job, Mario?" asked Bowsette, gently pulling his scrotum to prolong his pleasure.

" _Perfetto_." (Perfect.)

He grabbed Bowsette's horns and pulled her in deeper. Bowsette took the shaft as deep in as she could go, then suppressed her gag reflex as she forced it down her throat. She folded her lips over her teeth and sucked hard, creating a vacuum even as she pumped her head up and down and continued to work the base of the shaft with her free hand, all the while carefully suppressing her fire-breathing reflex.

"OHHH, YEAH!" Mario cried, holding onto her like an overly enthusiastic kid gripping the Wii Wheel while barreling down _Mario Kart Wii's_ Rainbow Road. "WAHOO!"

Touching herself through her panties for good measure, Bowsette twisted her head as she sucked, creating a simultaneous vacuum and corkscrew effect. She continued to troll Mario, slowing down when he clearly wanted her to speed up, and outright stopping once or twice, prompting him to exclamations and cries of protest in his stereotypical Italian accent.

She was Bowser, and Peach, and Mario all at once, and yet beyond them. She was the whole universe jacking off to the beauty it had created.

"How can this-a be your first time?!" Mario asked, his head dizzy with excitement.

In order to reply, Bowsette withdrew and used both hands again, prompting an outcry of ecstasy from Mario. "It's your first time, too. We can only improve from here."

"AH!" Mario continued to exclaim as she pumped him like there was no tomorrow. "I'm close," he moaned.

"Shoot that load down my throat, Mario! Give me every drop!" Bowsette demanded, then engulfed his penis with her mouth once more, burying his cock completely down her throat.

"It's a— AHHH!" Mario suddenly cried as the most intense of orgasm of his life shook his entire being.

Bowsette looked on at his red face with pleasure until he grabbed the back of her head and forced her down onto his erupting fire hose.

With a deep-throated growl, Bowsette shook her head vigorously around Mario's member as she milked the very last drops of his cum until his dick was drier than Dry, Dry Desert.

Satisfied that she got it all, Bowsette licked her lips and admired the result of her handiwork - Mario had fallen onto his back and was breathing heavily. His shirt was soaked with sweat, and he was shaking periodically with spasms of ecstasy.

Bowsette lay down beside Mario and cuddled up against his body, helping him to ride out his orgasm.

She nibbled his ear. "Did you like that?" she whispered.

Mario nodded vigorously, realizing that Bowsette needed her release just as much as he did. "Should I-a be Player One now?"

"I thought you'd never ask," Bowsette said, a little sheepishly.

She laid down on her now-sandy dress. Mario scooted up between her legs, slicked his mustache so it wouldn't get in the way as much, took off his shirt, rolled it into a ball and shoved it under Bowsette's perfect bottom so as to elevate her off the sand and take the pressure off of her tail, pulled off her panties, revealing her dripping wetness, and positioned himself right above her intoxicating slit.

Doctor Mario took his time. He massaged and kissed her inner thighs, and moved ever closer to her nether regions until he was examining her sex, probing the folds past her well-trimmed pubic hair, studying her clitoral hood even as he started to lick it. He rubbed around her vagina with his tongue and fingers while his nose tickled her clit.

Bowsette moaned and squirmed at Mario's touch.

"Where did you learn that?!" she queried breathlessly.

"You don't-a want to know."

Her legs and tail, which were bent back towards her, wrapped around his head and shoulders and pulled him even closer onto her sex.

"Tell me."

"Promise you won't-a laugh."

"Cross my heart."

"I read a lot of-a _yuri_ fan fiction."

Bowsette laughed unceasingly.

"You promised! That does it!"

Mario sucked on her now-exposed clit. He lashed and licked wantonly and violently, and teased her hole with his fingers for several minutes.

He wanted to finger-fuck her deeper, but her hymen was in need of breaking first, so instead, Mario used the heel of his palm to apply pressure to her pubic bone while attacking her clit with rapid-licks and circular motions of his tongue and pressing against her anus with the fingers of his free hand.

"AWWWWHHHH!" Bowsette bawled as she pulled his hair with both of her hands.

When Mario's tongue tired, he used two fingers - one on either side of her slit - and moved them up and down rapidly, all but drumming on her like that bongo-playing meme cat.

"Awww, yeah, baby! Don't stop! I'm gonna come!"

She was already so wound up, it didn't take long. Mario changed the drumming into rubbing and continued sucking and licking her clit as Bowsette convulsed and spasmed out in waves of absolute golden bliss.

"Yes, yes, yes! Awwwww fuck! FUCK it's still going! Come here!"

She grabbed Mario and kissed and cuddled him, and he was only happy enough to be in proximity to her body, to feel her heart beating flush against his, and to know that they both had found the love they had been seeking in the most unlikely of places.

Bowsette and Mario lay there for some time, just staring into each other's eyes.

"You're amazing," he told her at length.

"So are you. And to think, we might never have discovered any of this, if it weren't for the Super Crown…"

She ran her hands up and down his torso again.

"Do you wanna keep going?" she asked.

Mario, who was dizzy and just now feeling rather drained of energy, sat up and smiled. "I think-a I might need to drink something."

Bowsette saw that this wouldn't do.

"Let's go back to my suite," she said, and, after putting her dress back on, picked him up and carried him on her shoulders back to the hotel.

They passed Chibi-Robo without incident; the little robot was happy they were done, since his battery was running very low, and slunk back to the hotel himself.

If the Piantas knew what had just transpired, they were silent as Bowsette could make it only to the sofa in the lounge before needing a rest herself.

"Hey, are you all right? Here, have some water," Bowsette offered, sitting Mario down and offering him the glass of water with lemon slices offered by the Pianta waiter.

Mario drank up. The two of them leaned against one another. Mario yawned. It turned out to be contagious. Bowsette yawned, too. Then Mario yawned again.

"Want me to carry ya to your room?" she asked. "My muscles ain't what they used to be, but…"

Mario mumbled something incoherently, then passed out while leaning on her arm.

Bowsette wondered at her victory. It seemed too easy. Was that just Impostor Syndrome talking, though? Or was this how simple it was for someone like Princess Peach to charm someone? She was ecstatic.

 _If they want this Super Crown, they're gonna have to pry it from my cold, dead hands._

She thought about Peach for a minute. Any way you cut it, it seemed wrong for someone like Peach alone to be blessed with her beauty and grace, which she almost took to be a burden, what with her vanity, insecurity, and need to be loved and desired 24/7.

Bowsette's final thoughts before she passed into the Sandman's keeping were of how blissful and happy she was, and how _right_ it all felt, despite that nagging voice in the back of her head that told her that midnight would strike, her carriage would turn back into a pumpkin, and her horses into mice… and she'd be a _he_ again, a big, ugly, forever alone he, and that the night previous might be the high point of her whole existence. And then, of course, there was Junior…

She fought off these nightmarish considerations with all of her might and her heart, and without even knowing it, she held Mario tight against her as they slept like two innocent babes.

* * *

 **A/N:** Whew! Hope that was as good for you as it was for me! Let me know what ya think! Follows, Faves, and Reviews keep me going! :D I'm tied up with work but I'll definitely try to update this weekend! We'll finally see what Peach and Junior are up to! Take care~!


	6. The World Has Turned And Left Me Here

**There's Something About Bowsette**

 **A/N:** So, I made a couple of changes. After much internal debate, Queen Boo shall now be referred to as the more accurate Queen Booette (Princess King Boo is too much of a literal romanization of her Japanese name; it stands out to me). I also changed Peach's flats in the last chapter to boots, since I don't think she wore flats with her bike suit.

 **thewittywhy:** I agree!

 **Zuskato Zyus:** Thanks so much! Yeah, they definitely needed that.

 **S:** Ohhh, I gotcha, that makes sense now! :) Hope you're enjoying the story~

 **JasonVUK:** Haha, glad you liked it! There will be more steaminess, just not in this chapter.

 **Guest:** Don't bleach your eyes, I don't think they've invented a way to read fanfic in braille yet, and you know you'll be back. XD

* * *

 **Chapter Six  
** **The World Has Turned And Left Me Here**

Thankful that she chose to wear her bike suit, Princess Peach dashed as fast she could out the large doors and across the castle wall. She could hear the ear-piercing demonic barking of Chompette, who was pursuing her with great fury and halted only when she was stopped by terrain.

Peach saw her hot air balloon clearly on the other side of Bowser's Castle. She wasn't far now… she dodged between Warp Pipes, narrowly missing the Piranha Plantette who tried and failed to bite her with her now-inefficiently human-sized mouth as she ran by.

Peach leapt over Goombette. The balloon was less than fifty feet away now; she just had to clear the last guard tower…

 _These Princess forms really aren't the best fighters,_ Peach thought as Thwompette fell from some portal spawned by Kamek and landed, ass-first, right onto Peach's face, with a loud "Guuurrmmm!"

The Princess fell flat onto the back of her skull; if she were a normal human in a normal human environment, she would certainly have suffered serious brain damage, but in this odd place, her polygonal skull's fracture healed immediately and she got away with a mild concussion.

Peach struggled to get out from beneath the Thwompette's bottom, which smelled of wet granite. Thinking fast and grabbing the Thwompette's spiked dress, Peach took a huge bite into Thwompette's crotch, prompting a squeal and a leap into the air.

"YAAAA! Pervert!" the Thwompette wailed. "I thought we were friends!"

"Friends don't sit on friends' faces!" Peach yelled as she threw Thwompette off, but the others were catching up now. She grabbed a lit torch illuminating the guard tower and held it up to the Super Crown Scroll.

"All right, get back!" she howled at the others. "I mean it!"

By this time, Ganonette had caught up with them all.

"Bah. Do what she says," he commanded, and Peach looked on in astonishment at the towering, sexy, dark-skinned Gerudo woman who was standing firmly, arms crossed, barely covered in quickly thrown together sashes made from Ganon's cape. She boasted long, fiery red hair tied back like Nabooru's, a muscular but still feminine build akin to Champion Urbosa's, and a face touched with Peach's beauty and Gerudo Chief Riju's eyes.

"Belay that!" Kamek protested. "She'll get away! We don't even know what'll happen if she destroys it!"

"Chances are, it won't do anything permanent, since it's just a copy, but there may be a major hiccup as the server seeks out the original file in the mainframe," said Ganonette, who then raised her voice to address the other Princess. "Peach, if you destroy that, we don't know what kind of effects it will have. The whole server might be reset. Important files may be corrupted. Some of us may even lose our memories when all is said and done, and you won't be stopping anything, since we can reverse-engineer these puppies!"

"I don't believe you!" she replied. "You just don't want the pain of transforming again! Now go away and let me leave!"

"We wanted to play nice, but you leave us no choice," said Ganonette, shaking her head.

Just then, Peach felt a sudden, freezing cold sensation pass through her body. Ghostly appendages fondled her breasts, and a large, long tongue licked the back of her neck, all but paralyzing her. Peach's grip on the Scroll faltered for a second - just enough time for none other than Queen Booette to snatch it through her fingers as she finished phasing through Peach's body and re-materialized into a beautiful woman with floating hair once more.

"Hey!" Peach wailed, reaching for the Scroll, but Queen Booette hovered above her with the data, and she was quickly flanked by at least a dozen loyal, rotating Boos.

"You know what your problem is, Peach?" Queen Booette taunted as she did a satisfied victory dance. "You've got no soul!"

"Great work!" Ganonette told Queen Booette. "You're free to go, Peach. Now hand me the Scroll…"

"NOT SO FAST!"

The voice was Toadette's, but she was nowhere to be seen.

Just then, a deafening screech rent the air, and all were stunned as none other than Ridley came flying down from the sky, with a small, pink rider on his back.

They all saw her now - the very angry-looking Toadette, who was hoisting one of Kamek's magical staves in one hand, and a Super Scope in the other.

"What are you doing?!" Kamek asked.

"Those crowns are my property!" Toadette stated with a freakishly evil laugh. She fired upon Kamek with the fully-charged Super Scope, sending him flying into the ground and stunning him.

Then she commanded Ridley to attack. Ridley thrashed about uncomfortably, trying at every turn to break the spell, but unable to resist the magic in Kamek's stolen staff, which was evidently being used to force him to do Toadette's bidding.

Eventually, he obeyed, spewing his plasma flames upon the crowd before dive-bombing with his claws drawn.

The poor Chompette, Thwompette, and Piranha Plantette were all roundly toasted as they fled and rolled on the ground, but Ganonette had raised her arm to summon the Dead Man's Volley and unleashed it with perfect timing at Toadette.

Ridley immediately bowled Ganonette over, but Toadette was successfully stunned and fell from Ridley's back.

Goombette, who'd escaped Ridley's fiery breath, waddled on over to attempt to subdue Toadette.

"MY CROWN!" the stunned Toadette cried like a banshee, then lunged at Goombette, who began crying in pain as Toadette punched her repeatedly in the face, much to Peach's utter shock - Toadette had always been the nicest, sweetest person in any room she'd been in. "MINE! MINE! MINE!"

"Cut it out!" Kamek said, pulling out the Desert Eagle that Bowser had given him and aiming it at Toadette.

Shaking, bloodied old hands prevented Kamek from getting a clean shot. Toadette took out Priscilla's Dagger from _Dark Souls Remastered_ and stabbed him repeatedly in the gut until he dropped his gun and fell onto the floor twitching and spasming. She then returned to Goombette, who cried as Toadette all but choked her.

Finally, Toadette snatched the crown right off from the stunned Goombette's head, prompting the poor Goombette to scream and thrash in painful agony. She inadvertently kicked the Desert Eagle over to Peach as her body crumpled back into that of a little Goomba.

 _This wanton bloodlust must be caused by that cursed Super Crown_ , Peach thought, putting down the torch and slyly picking up the sidearm, as Toadette placed the crown on her head. The others were too busy fending off Ridley, who was now attacking wildly of his own accord, to notice Toadette's painless transformation into Peachette.

"Now that's better!" Peachette said with a triumphant smile. However, she was not satisfied, and immediately began advancing on Ganonette, who'd just launched Ridley far from the castle - and the influence of Kamek's staff - with a reversed Warlock Punch. "DIE, IMPOSTOR!"

Ganonette had no time to wonder when the usually so happy and lighthearted Toadette had become such a bloodthirsty, one-track-minded killer, since she was too busy dodging stabs and swings from Priscilla's Dagger.

"The Super Crowns are mine and mine alone!" Peachette shrieked, stabbing Ganonette in several of her vital organs.

"GAH! I… don't see your name on 'em…" Ganonette replied as she perfect-shielded a greedy slash and Flame Choke'd Peachette.

"This is madness!" Peachette wailed.

"Madness? THIS! IS! SMASH BROS.!" Ganonette replied, then kicked Peachette (forward-tilt). Peachette was hit so hard, her Super Crown flew off (and was recovered by Queen Booette).

Screaming at the top of her lungs, Toadette soared off the castle walls into the outer moat and was roasted alive in the fiery lava.

Ganonette huffed and puffed as she fell onto her butt. It was finally over.

Peach offered Ganonette a Heart Container from her hot air balloon and helped pull Ganonette to her feet. The bleeding stopped.

"Uh, thanks, Princess," Ganonette replied with a blush, but she soon saw that Peach was holding her Desert Eagle to her chest at point-blank range.

"Tell me," Peach said with barely veiled fury, "what do you plan on doing with it?"

"With what?"

"The scroll," Peach replied.

"Ah. We were just doing some experiments. Bowsette wanted to improve the Super Crown so it doesn't cause so much pain when people wear it."

"I don't believe you," said Peach.

Ganonette shrugged. Now was as good of a time as any to come clean. "Eh, you'll probably figure it out sooner or later, so what the hell. We're gonna sell the modified crowns."

"SELL THEM?!"

"Yeah. Got a problem with that?"

Peach was thoughtful. "After seeing what they did to Toadette just now?! How could you even think of inflicting—"

"Like I said, we're working on it... we're confident we can iron out the bugs. This is just our first night and we've already made a lot of progress."

"PROGRESS?!" Peach raised her arms as if to point out all the collateral damage in the form of the twitching, burning bodies that had now disappeared and were scheduled to respawn within the next few minutes. "What you call progress, I call unnatural. This isn't what Nintendo intended!"

Ganonette chuckled. "Heh. But Nintendo is just a company run by people, isn't it? And who made the people that run that company? Do not we all - digital beings, fleshbag humans - fall under the eye of some Creator beyond our ken? If we can't see past our own programming, how can we begin to say we know what the Creator wants, or doesn't want?"

"It's not that complicated; it's about the choices we make. The heart knows, deep down, what's right and what's wrong," said Peach. "Natural Law can help us figure that out. And let me tell you, nothing about what that… accursed Super Crown does is sustainable or natural."

"You think human hearts can know truth, eh? Explain to me why they're capable of such terrible atrocities as full-scale war, then," said Ganonette.

"Don't give me that, Ganon. Wars are started and maintained by the elite few who profit off of them," Peach retorted.

"Yeah, Ganon. You of all people should know that," said Princess Zelda, who'd arrived, along with Snake, Samus, and Link, rather late to the scene on Samus' Hunter-class gunship.

"Job offer still open, Peach?" Snake asked.

Peach was immensely relieved. "Oh! How did you all find me?"

"Samus and Snake couldn't reach your phone, so they called me," said Zelda. "Link and I saw your balloon at the castle from the Smashgrounds and were wondering what was up."

Link blinked in surprise at seeing the barely-clothed figure of Ganonette. "Uh, Ganon...? What happened to you?!"

"Long story," said Ganonette, who was embarrassed by all the stares she was on the receiving end of and longed to return to the debate. "But we're off topic. Peach, having said all that about the elites, you have to admit that there's a lot of darkness at the heart of every person. It's human nature."

"Human nature, heh," said Snake. "'A buzzword that doesn't mean anything. That there have been indigenous peoples like the _Tara Humara, Dogon_ people, or _Ladakh_ living in sustainable peace for thousands of years without war or strife should tell you something - that modern human civilization has been twisted to evil thoughts and deeds, and on the whole, people are as unhappy as they've ever been."

"Better existential crises than physical ones," said Ganonette.

"Except it is a physical one," Zelda argued. "The world is falling apart and species are going extinct at a record pace while people are lost in their phones."

 _Are we just not going to talk about the fact that Ganondorf and King Boo are scantily-clad women now?!_ wondered Samus, exasperated.

"Hehehe. Well, you may be right about that," said Queen Booette, "but look at it this way. If there is a God, and that God truly is Omnipresent and Omniscient, then what can be done against God's will? If the humans fall into debauchery and destroy each other, is that not also God's will?"

"That's an un-winnable argument," Zelda addressed her. "You can use that reasoning to justify just about anything."

"But it's comforting, isn't it?" Queen Booette replied. "At the end of the chess game, the Kings and Pawns all return to the same box."

"C'mon, Princesses!" Ganonette whined. "Don't you all understand how capitalism works?"

"We do, and that's why we're against everything you're doing," said Samus. "All you're doing is preying on people's insecurities for a quick buck."

"We're offering them a choice! Protest all you like. The Super Crowns will be forged, and the market will decide," Ganonette addressed her with finality, then attempted to turn around dramatically as the resurrected Kamek, Chompette, Piranha Plantette and Thwompette ran back onto the castle walls to back him up, now flanked by many dozens of Bowser's minions.

"Sweet dreams, Princess of Darkness," Snake said, then attempted to snap Ganonette's neck. However, her neck was so strong that all Snake could do was make her look to the left really quickly, inadvertently fixing a crick in her back.

"WHOA," said Ganonette. "That actually felt really good. Can you do the other side?"

Snake snapped her neck in the opposite direction.

Ganonette made a sound of ultimate contentment. "Damn, Snake... thanks."

"Uh, you're welcome," replied Snake, who was utterly confused.

"Now kindly fuck off back to where y'all came from," said Ganonette. "There's science to be done."

Peach lowered her pistol. The others looked at one another, then gauged the power of the forces before them, each asking the others whether or not this was worth the fight. Kamek was back and ready to fight once again with two other Magikoopas and several Lakitus flanking him. Queen Booette had the Super Crown's source code, an army of Boos, and could phase through walls, Ganonette was apparently invincible, Chompette looked ready to tear them into pieces, and they could all just take this up with Mr. Sakurai's Mii during lunch the next day.

At that moment, a Dry Bones walked on up to Ganonette with the Able Sisters' completed outfit. It was a two-piece set, lavishly decorated in the Gerudo fashion.

"That's quite revealing," she said with a note of disapproval. "But whatever. Look away."

And so they all did while she quickly changed.

 _I wasn't sure I believed in God until today,_ Link thought, sneaking a glimpse at Ganon's booty, much to Zelda's chagrin.

"Safe!" Ganonette finally announced, and all present proceeded to stare at her magnificent getup. The sun was rising now in the east, and its first rays had caught the gold trim highlighting her radiant outfit. "You like?"

Link's and Snake's lustful expressions said it all. Samus pinched Snake's ear and silently dragged him back to her gunship.

"Those Able Sisters work fast," Zelda said, then noticing Peach trying to sneak off to her hot air balloon, ran to catch up with her friend.

"Where are you going?" she asked Peach, who was shimmying the Desert Eagle into her belt buckle.

"I… just need to confirm something," Peach told her. "Do me a favor, Zellie."

"Anything," Zelda assured her bestie.

"Watch over Bowser Junior, will you? He's not doing too well."

Zelda nodded. "I'll try, but I'm not the best babysitter."

* * *

Bowser Junior was sulking in the corner of Kamek's Lab, which had been all but abandoned in the general chaos. He'd been there since he'd seen King Boo and Ganondorf transform, and was going over the conversation he'd had with his mommy just a few hours prior.

 _Why would daddy lie to me like that? Why?! It's like he enjoys hurting me._

He wished someone, anyone, would come and listen to his woes.

So he was rather surprised when none other than Princess Zelda called out his name.

"Bowser Junior?" she said in a soft and pleasant voice. "Junior, where are you?"

"I'm here," he said, grumbling.

Zelda walked on over to where the kid was curled up into himself. Link followed, hanging back just far enough to hear what was going on.

"There you are!"

"Yep."

She took a seat beside him. "How's it going?" she asked.

"Eh."

"Not so well, huh? I understand."

"No, you don't!"

"You're right… I don't. Would you want to talk about it at all?"

Junior just shook his head vigorously.

"Did you want me to read you a story?"

Bowser Junior just fell into her lap and began bawling his eyes out.

"Princess Zelda… I… think my daddy just became my mommy…"

"There, there," Zelda comforted him awkwardly. "It's… it'll be all right, kiddo."

"How do you know that?" Junior cried. "Can you see the future? Do you know what's gonna happen? What if daddy meets someone he likes while he's a mommy? And what if they get married? What'll happen to me then?!"

"I'm sure your daddy loves you and will never let you suffer, not long, and not needlessly."

"No, you're wrong. My daddy's full of stinky kimchi poop and he doesn't want me," Junior mumbled under his breath.

"What did you say?" Zelda challenged him. "That's no way to talk about your father."

"I guess not," Junior replied, but didn't really mean it. It felt good to say what he said, and he longed to find someone else, someone who'd actually listen to the worst he could say without telling him how to think. "Can you take me to my room? I wanna be put to bed."

 _What the hell?_ Zelda wondered, checking Link's expression to see her own confusion reflected in it. _Why is he acting like a spoiled toddler? Is he always like this when he's alone?_

"Uh, sure," she said. "Come on, Junior…"

* * *

Peach left the castle in a very thoughtful mood.

Sipping some tea while leaning on her basket and gazing out at the sun rising over the ocean, she forced herself to picture what a world filled with -ettes would be like.

Super Crowned Inkling boys and girls alike would be taking group selfies and making dumb faces. It would be like that dumb Peach Rabbid all over again, just on a massive scale.

Tabloids would be filled with new and random crack-pairings.

Isabellette, Lucarioette, Yoshiette, and Foxette would become immediate furry bait.

Wii Fit Trainerette would be teaching classes full of women who shared her face and hairstyle.

Then, of course, it would all come tumbling down as everyone began to go mad with desire and vanity, and the careful fabric of the Smashgrounds would tear apart at the seams.

She, Peach, would simply be the latest fad in an endless train of fashions to go in and out of style, and once everyone was sick of being Peach, they'd all move on, and she'd be stuck with her same old, boring character design, and everyone would be so sick of her that they wouldn't even be able to look at her anymore for all the negative associations she'd bring to mind. She'd lose her friends, and her fans, and what little relevance she'd been trying so desperately to cultivate within the strict limits Nintendo had set for her.

The very thought made her sick.

As the sun continued to climb, Peach changed from the burned and scuffed bike suit to the dress she kept stashed in her balloon; it was her more traditional _Super Mario Bros._ look.

* * *

Peach took her balloon far off the Smashgrounds server, into an outbound portal to the _Super Mario Sunshine_ server, and then onwards to Sirena Beach. She set her balloon down behind the hotel and was about to sneak inside when who else should accost her but her trusty old servant, Toadsworth, who was apparently on vacation.

"Princess! Princess, before you enter, please, a word!"

Peach turned absent-mindedly to Toadsworth. "Yes? Make it quick."

He groveled and bowed. "Ah, Your Majesty… you don't know what evils I've had to witness…"

"I can imagine. They're in there, aren't they?" she asked.

"Yes, but… hear me out… do you remember the Forget-Me-Gun?"

It took a minute, but Peach was able to recall it. During a monthly meeting half a year ago, they had decided to make a device that could effectively reset specific sets of memories, to be used in case of emergencies or to negate the effects of serious trauma. It was to be called the Forget-Me-Gun, and it fired Mind Bullets that cut directly into a digital being's memory banks and erased certain subsets of data.

"Yes," Peach answered him. "Yes, I remember. Why?"

"Well… you might be interested to know that I have the very first prototype with me right here. It's against the rules to lend this out without the approval of Senior Nintendo staff, but I'm sure you'll agree that this has to end…"

Toadsworth brought out a rather large rifle. It resembled _Splatoon'_ s odd-looking Bamboozler, except it had a hastily-glued on LED display.

"Here, you can select the range of dates and times you wish to erase."

Peach nodded dutifully even as she unsteadily took the weapon in hand.

If she wanted to do this right, she'd have to go at least two days back for both of them, to before the _Odyssey_ incident. It was the only way to be sure.

She inputted the parameters into the Forget-Me-Gun, strapped the weapon to her person, took a deep breath, and marched towards the hotel.

"Thank you, Toadsworth."

"Don't thank me yet," he said. "Let's end this nightmare once and for all."

"Right. But stay here," she told him in monotone.

With her breath drawn close, she let the Piantas open the door for her and, resolved to put an end to this insanity, marched fearlessly into the Hotel Delfino.

* * *

Toadette respawned by awakening in a cold sweat in her small apartment in the Tomodachi Life complex. A light ocean rain was falling over the building and the air was humid, but not unpleasant.

"Was that real? Did that really just happen?" she whispered to herself.

There was a knock on her door.

She ambled out of bed, groggy, and opened it. It was none other than the Mii of Mr. Masahiro Sakurai himself, but he didn't look very happy.

"Toadette?" asked Mr. Sakurai.

"Oh, hi," she said without her usual gusto.

"Mind if I come in?"

"Be my guest," she said, then returned to her little kitchenette and began to boil some tea. "Have a seat!"

Mr. Sakurai couldn't drink digital tea, but he had a seat anyway. He withdrew his own Forget-Me-Gun prototype and placed it on the table. This did not go unnoticed.

Toadette quietly turned off the gas and sat down across from him.

"So that's how it is," she said.

"That's how it is," he confirmed with sad finality.

She tried not to cry. "It's probably better this way."

"It'll be easier on you if you're lying down," said Mr. Sakurai.

Toadette walked on over to her bed, where she took one last look at the framed photograph of herself as Peachette.

 _I got to be a Princess for a while,_ she thought. _I can at least be grateful for that._

"Any last requests?" he asked.

"How far back are you going to go?" she asked.

"A few weeks."

Toadette nodded sadly. "I don't suppose I can keep my dreams."

"Sorry. No can do."

"I understand," she said through tears. "Do it."

Mr. Sakurai's Mii took aim and pulled the trigger.

Anyone watching the Tomodachi Life complex would have seen, from outside Toadette's window, a sudden flash of light.

The fungal being fell into a prolonged sleep as her memory cache was being rebuilt from the ground-up.

Mr. Sakurai sighed, pocketed the gun, and left the apartment. Outside, several Toads, who were choking back tears, were waiting to take her back to the _Super Mario Odyssey_ server, and to protect her from knowledge of the Super Crown. They moved swiftly, so as to complete the operation before she regained consciousness.

* * *

 **A/N:** Thanks so much for reading! Hope you all enjoyed this more serious and grounded chapter! Faves, Follows, and Reviews really keep me going, so please let me know what you liked or didn't like! The next few updates may be shorter in nature, since I'll be going out of state on Tuesday to propose to my girlfriend. ^_^;; Wish me luck! Don't worry about her, she knows about this fanfic and is even helping me write it, hehe.


	7. Feeling Yourself Disintegrate

**There's Something About Bowsette**

 **A/N:** Posting this from the airport! ^_^ I love flying~ Wow! I'm so happy at how many people have Fave'd and Followed! :D As I mentioned, the next couple of chapters will be a bit shorter, and I will do my best to update again before the end of the week!

 **buzzsaw935:** Sorry, I wouldn't hold my breath for that...

 **GaoGod:** Oh man, that was a big mistake! Actually, she knows all about it already. We've been trying to fit this trip into our schedules... the real challenge will be in getting her parents' approval and consent, since she's a good Christian girl and I'm, uh, writing this fanfic. XD

 **S:** Ohhh, do you mean those female Pocket Chomps, like from _Mario and Luigi: Partners in Time_? I guess those could be called Chompettes, but I'm just going with the name that fandom has come up with so far, hehe.

 **AJ The Hedgehog:** Thanks fam! We are both very excited about the whole thing. ;)

 **Zuskato Zyus:** But but but isn't that the job of a good writer? ;)

 **JasonVUK:** Thanks so much! Hope you enjoy this one, too!

* * *

 **Chapter Seven**  
 **Feeling Yourself Disintegrate**

Princess Peach walked through the door with her finger on the trigger, ready to immediately wipe both Mario's and Bowsette's memories into last week.

What she didn't expect was to be struck silent by a vision that appeared to her like a hallowed scene.

Mario and Bowsette were sleeping so soundly against one another, their mellow snoring perfectly in sync as slivers of light leaked in from the windows and warmed their serene faces. They were as innocent as two babies in a crib, obviously hung-over and disheveled, but clearly at peace.

It was really Bowsette, though, who struck her. After hearing her sultry, husky voice on Chibi-Robo's mic, Peach didn't know what she was hoping or even expecting to find, but it certainly wasn't this radiant being. Indeed, Bowsette's beauty was one-of-a-kind. She was a perfect ten in every department: sex appeal, cuteness, primness, curvaceous body type, intelligence (OK, well, maybe that wasn't exactly a perfect ten), you name it.

Seeing Bowsette filled Peach with unspeakable envy, but at the same time, a deep and abiding understanding. If she absolutely had to lose to someone, she was glad that it was to Bowsette.

One of the Piantas, dressed up in a full tuxedo, was playing Kyoutenka (Ending Theme from _Eternal Sonata_ ) on the grand piano ever so delicately. Following that emotional song, he continued to play Chopin.

Princess Peach was standing there staring at the lovestruck duos for several minutes before she fully realized that she was playing with fire - they could after all wake up and notice her at any second, so she'd better get on with it.

She closed her eyes and tried to force herself to squeeze the trigger. She couldn't do it. Finally, Peach gave up on herself. She took a seat across from them and reflected.

The night previous, she'd been infected with a seething rage and determination.

Before Toadette's freakout, she would probably have done it in a heartbeat.

But she saw her own hatred and avarice in Peachette's wild, hungry, murderous eyes. If Obi-Wan Kenobi was there, he'd be yelling that Peach had become the very thing she swore to destroy.

Now, here, in the almost sanctified location of a Manta Ray-infested beach resort, she felt that she had no right to interfere in her friends' happiness.

Who was she, after all, to deal out such mind-altering judgment? What had Mario and Bowsette ever done to harm her, personally, aside from Bowsette existing (a fact that could chiefly be blamed on the corporate honchos at Nintendo for mandating the creation of the Super Crown in the first place)?

Peach couldn't fault her might-have-been lovers. In fact, she now felt disgusted at herself for even thinking that she had to right to interfere, especially since she hadn't ever put herself out there the way they obviously had. She hadn't made herself vulnerable in the eyes of anyone she'd loved, or convinced herself she loved.

Chibi-Robo, who was finished charging, climbed up on her armchair and, at her nonverbal instruction, plugged himself into the LED display on her Forget-Me-Gun, then handed Peach a small Bluetooth earbud.

Peach placed the earbud in her ear and picked up where she'd left off the night before. She listened to Mario and Bowsette laughing and sharing about their lives on the waves. She fast-forwarded to their frolicking on the beach, their tickle-fight, and finally, their tender lovemaking.

Rather than the anger she expected to feel, however, Peach found herself becoming terribly aroused at the sight of both of her suitors obviously taking their sexual frustration out on one another. It was the ultimate power trip, so to speak… or was it? Had she just made herself into a cuckquean? No, no she couldn't, because she'd never had a right to them, and had long ago forfeited any claims she might have with her abhorrent behavior…

 _This was my doing as much as it was Bowsette's,_ she realized.

The question now was simply whether or not it was too late for her to redeem herself in their eyes.

All these considerations weighed on her for quite some time. She figured they weren't about to wake up soon, but she wanted to at least see the look on their faces upon seeing her there with the Forget-Me-Gun pointed right at them.

But after she'd seen their video, even that didn't seem right.

Peach was, for the first time, able to put herself completely in the shoes of others.

Deep down, in a place she'd never admit to herself because she'd never turned her mirror of reflection that far in, Peach saw herself simultaneously as Bowsette, and as Mario, and she couldn't for the life of her decide who she wanted to be more.

The baseness of this realization coupled with her absolute refusal to accept it made her even more hot and bothered.

Peach shook off such thoughts as insanity and even slapped herself in the face. Finally, she stood ever so gently, beckoned for Chibi-Robo to follow, and left the hotel.

* * *

When Mario eventually woke up, it was one in the afternoon, and Bowsette was still fast asleep. He whispered for the waiters to bring them breakfast and coffee, then stepped outside to stretch.

If he wasn't still reeling with impressions from the night previous, and had been looking a bit closer, he might have seen the unmistakable feminine silhouette sitting thoughtfully under the covered hut nearby. But he didn't, and he returned to the hotel promptly.

Bowsette was stirring at the smell of freshly roasted coffee. She groggily opened her eyes, looked up at the approaching Mario, and smiled.

He smiled back, and it became clear to both of them that each had no regrets from the night previous.

"Did-a you sleep all right?" Mario asked Bowsette.

"Better than I have in years," she replied, then without thinking about it, drew him close and kissed him. "I had the most lovely dreams, darling…"

Bowsette had never thought that kissing Mario would bring butterflies to her stomach, but there they were. An act unthinkable the night previous now came not just as second-nature, but as a drug to her.

"I don't-a think you were dreaming," Mario replied with a tender, loving glance at his best friend... and now lover. Still in a swoon and barely conscious of his own words, he didn't know how to reconcile these feelings.

"So how, uh… how do you feel about all that?" Bowsette queried.

Mario felt the beginnings of an internal conflict take a hold, but he didn't miss a beat. "My only regret is-a that the Super Crown wasn't invented years ago."

"Ha! I never took you for a sweet-talker, Mario," Bowsette replied with an ironic look, but it was clear that she was immensely pleased, and seeing how happy she was, he let himself be swept along in her reverie.

Their American breakfast of two sausages, a short stack, and spelt bread with jam was brought out, and they dined with great pleasure in the lounge. Bowsette in particular was famished and ordered a second helping, only to find that her stomach wasn't quite what it used to be.

Both of them laughed about the fact that Bowsette had lost her phone in all the fun they were having last night, and decided they could spare a few minutes to head out and look for it.

As they left from the back door and wandered around the scene of the crime, Bowsette grumbled about wishing she had some of her navel-gazing minions to help with the search.

"We're like kids in a sandbox!" Bowsette joked. "Wouldn't it be funny if Peach could see us now? I wonder what she'd say at this…"

But they had only just begun to embark on their search when they gradually became aware that they were being watched.

Sensing the downwind scent of the one person they'd come here to get away from, Mario and Bowsette looked at one another as if to be sure the other had smelled Princess Peach, and then simultaneously turned in the offending direction.

Peach stood with her hands in her pockets as her old-fashioned _Super Mario Bros._ dress bellowed about her. Bags under her eyes gave her a worn-out look. It was as if she'd been awake all night.

She thought of all the one-liners she could have flung at Bowsette.

" _She'd probably say 'ya wear it well, but don't wear it out'."_

" _She'd probably have to give you a talk about the birds and the bees."_

" _She'd probably pretend like she didn't see anything and walk away."_

But instead, what came out of her mouth was a simple "Hey".

"Hey," the two replied in unison.

"Looking for this?"

She opened her palm. Within it was Bowser's cellphone. She flung it at Bowsette.

No one seemed to know what to say.

They stood there for a long time.

Mario had so many questions he couldn't quite ask: _How did she know where they were? Had she followed him? Had she not respected his request for some space? Was she just power-tripping, having decided that the use of her sex appeal as power and leverage was more important than even her own happiness?_

"Bowser, dear, what _were_ you thinking?" Peach queried in a manner that failed to hide her wrath. "That item was made for Toadette alone, and two of me is already one too many."

Bowsette felt abashed at first, but quickly recovered. "My name is Bowsette now," she corrected Peach. "And Mr. Miyamoto himself gave me this Super Crown. As I understand, you missed it - being farted on by Wario will do that."

There was a moment where Peach thought _are you serious right now?_ , but it passed like a fleeting Lakitu Cloud and the Princess saw for the first time the resoluteness of Bowsette's expression, and just how important to the ol' King Koopa this whole thing really was.

Peach recognized more masculine versions of her own mannerisms; Peach's was a face and countenance to be respected… and she couldn't deny that Bowsette's twist on it was paradoxically cute, beautiful, and fierce, a combination of traits she didn't think she'd ever seen before.

As jealousy threatened to overwhelm her, she did what she always did at such situations and turned her charm up to eleven.

"Bows… ette… you can pretend to be me until the Yoshis come home," Peach said. "You can even call yourself whatever you want to. But please know that _this_ \- whatever this is - isn't _you_. It isn't how Nintendo intended you to be."

"Fuck what Nintendo _wants_ me to be," Bowsette grumbled. "What about what _I_ want me to be?!"

And then she closed the distance to Peach, whose resolute face held firm. "Is that what you are deep down, Peach, a shill for the system?"

"Hey, hold up!" Mario interjected while Peach's nostrils flared. "There's a no need—"

"Why, I never!" she exclaimed, her expression turning to one of absolute disgust.

"Ladies, please!" Mario finally ran between them. "Let's-a not be too hasty!"

"HASTY?!" Peach screamed. "You boys have NO idea what I went through last night! None at all! Bowsette, that THING on your head drove Toadette mad! There was nearly a deadly skirmish atop your castle! I got my head crushed by a Thwomp-princess! And Ganon and King Boo are… are…"

She gestured with her arms towards both her and Bowsette, highlighting her own curves for good measure.

"Good God," Mario replied.

Bowsette blinked. This was news to her. "Wait, slow down… I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Your stupid experiment has gone out of control!" Peach began explaining, but Mario suddenly slapped his forehead.

"Hang on! _Mamma Mia!_ Have-a you been spying on us? Have-a you been listening—"

"Just check your notifications!" Peach continued as she promptly turned to walk away, not answering the question. "Honestly!"

 _Ganon's experiments!_ Bowsette's thoughts immediately went to Junior.

"Prin-a-cess! You didn't answer my question," Mario challenged her as she marched to her hot air balloon, where Toadsworth and Chibi-Robo were awaiting her. "Were a-you—"

Bowsette, who'd been reading her messages with a look of great concern on her face, suddenly placed a hand on Mario's shoulder, indicating they had bigger fish to fry. "Yeah, so... we should, uh, probably get back there."

* * *

 **A/N:** Hope you all enjoyed it! If you're so inclined, please feel free to Follow and Fave, and leave me a Review! :D Reviews keep me going! Have a wonderful week, everyone~~~


	8. Shadow on the Sun

**There's Something About Bowsette**

 **A/N:** Well, this chapter took a bit longer than expected, but my trip has gone very well so far! Everything has been going better than expected, and her Mom said yes! Just gotta wait till her Dad returns from his business trip tomorrow. Fingers crossed!

 **ReaderFreak5000:** Thank you! Hope you enjoy this chapter!

 **TwistedSyn:** Awww, sweet! I'm so glad I could inspire you. This is the meme that keeps on giving. I've just started reading your fic and have been enjoying it so far. :)

 **JasonVUK:** Thank you so much! I hope so, too. :)

* * *

 **Chapter Eight  
Shadow on the Sun  
**

Bowser Junior was nearly, but not quite, put to sleep by the soothing notes of Zelda's Lullaby on Link's ocarina and Zelda's harp, but the Hylians, who were exhausted from a long day of beta-testing, fell for his well-practiced ruse and believed him to be off in dreamland when really he was seething with rage and confusion.

"Dream sweetly, little one," Zelda said, kissing Junior on the forehead before they turned out his Hothead night light and shut the door, eager to return via Loftwing to Hyrule Castle.

Bowser Junior, however, could not sleep, nor did he want to. He ambled out of bed and made for the Koopalings' favorite haunt, the rec room.

Morton was growling as he lamented Ludwig's roads encroaching on his territory in an intense game of _Catan_ that Larry and Lemmy were none too invested in, while Roy and Wendy were sipping root beer and playing Skee-Ball.

They immediately noticed Junior descending the staircase.

"Look who decided to grace us with their presence!" Roy joked. "All hail the Great and Almighty Junior!"

"HAIL!" they yelled derisively and ironically in unison.

In their heart of hearts, the Koopalings had never really forgiven Bowser Junior for existing, but they generally tolerated his peevish presence. After having to clean up the mess caused by the Super Crown, though, they were running low on patience.

"I can't sleep…" Junior whined.

"The kid can't sleep. Someone declare a national crisis," Lemmy muttered.

Just then, Iggy ran in from the room's other entrance.

"Guys, you'll never believe what they… oh, hey, Junior."

"Hey," replied Junior sheepishly.

"They want volunteers for the Super Crown," continued Iggy, even more crazy-eyed than usual. "It's a chance for us to show our loyalty."

"HUZZAH!" the Koopalings cheered in unison.

"POPPYCOCK!" scoffed Bowser Junior, kicking a stray empty "?" block across the room. "Who'd want to wear _that_ dumb thing?!"

"What's eatin' ya, kid?" asked Larry, who'd always been kindest to Junior.

"Daddy's a mommy now," Junior said with his head downcast. "A… really good-looking mommy with ten-gallon ta-tas…"

The others were struck by his honesty.

"So?" said Morton. "That doesn't change our loyalty."

"But it's weird!" Junior said, amazed that no one seemed to understand what he was going through.

"Is it really, though?" asked Wendy. "If you had the chance to be a beautiful princess, wouldn't _you_ take it in a heartbeat?"

Bowser Junior thought about this and realized that she was right. Princesses get to twirl around in pretty dresses, get waited on by servants, talk to animals, and be doted on and courted by big, strong men.

"You're always looking for something to complain about," Ludwig complained to Junior as he begrudgingly had to discard half his hand after rolling a seven. "Why don't ya count your many blessings for once?"

"Easy for you to say," Junior sulked. "I bet you never gave a thought as to who your momma was."

Iggy groaned. "We've been over this, kiddo. We're not living beings, so we don't have parents the way people do."

"But then why did daddy pretend to be a mommy?!"

"Maybe he just didn't want to disappoint you," said Wendy.

Larry nodded. "You've gotta take it easy, man. Transcend your programming and realize that we're _all_ born from 1s and 0s. We're all just stardust, the same stardust that made our planet. Nothing is ever truly separate from everything else. Technically, we _are all_ each other's mommies."

"I don't wanna be stardust!" Junior cried.

"FUCK! Why are you always such a downer?" Morton roared. "You're always 'Daddy' this! 'Daddy' that! If I were King Bowser, I'd transition to a woman, too, just so I wouldn't have to put up with your bitch-ass bawling every other minute!"

Bowser Junior burst into unceasing sobs.

The others thought Morton's remark had gone too far, but that didn't stop most of them from snickering nonetheless.

"I'll… I'll tell daddy on you!" Junior whined.

"Morton doesn't mean it," said Ludwig. "He's just pissed off he only has three victory points and no one will trade him any ore."

"I'm offering THREE sheep!" Morton yelled, nearly upending the table. "THREE!"

"Go get lost already," Roy addressed Junior. He had just lobbed his last Skee-Ball and began stretching. "I'm gonna try that Super Crown out just to spite this shrimp. Who's with me?"

"Aye!" the others resounded, eager to leave Junior behind.

* * *

Bowser Junior huffed in anger and marched out of the castle on his own, heedless of his destination.

He made his way via a portal to The Gates of Hell, Rodin's bar/armory from _Bayonetta._

As he entered, he felt horribly out of place, but given that he was practically gaming royalty, none would dare to evict him.

Palutena was chatting up Bayonetta and Jeanne at the bar.

Alucard, Mewtwo, and Wolf were sitting around one table swapping tall tales, while The Black Knight, Black Shadow, Skull Kid, and Dark Meta Knight sat at another in silence, looking from their masks into their mugs, the terror of waiting for the announcement of who Sakurai would pick for the next _Super Smash Bros._ Newcomer all but consuming them _._

After procuring a bottle of apple juice from Rodin, Bowser Junior felt himself drawn to the table with Alucard, Mewtwo, and Wolf, where he stood out like an irradiated third testicle.

"How'd'ya do, fellow tough guys?" asked Junior, artificially deepening his voice.

"Isn't it past your bedtime?" Alucard jested.

"I'm just as old as all you are, so, uh, don't treat me like a kid," Junior replied, pretending to scratch a non-existent beard.

"You're designed to be an annoying brat. Just accept your role and go back to your clown toys," scoffed Wolf. "Adults are talking."

Junior's bottom lip began to quiver.

"What's wrong, can't take the hot seat?" Mewtwo sneered psychically. "Why don't you cry wee, wee, wee, all the way home, little piggy?"

Bowser Junior held the tears in his beady eyes, and he would have begun to shakily walk back to the portal to leave if a voice hadn't halted him in his steps.

"HEY!" a voice boomed from the corner table.

It was none other than Shadow, who downed his _sake,_ stood to his full height, and smashed his glass against his head before advancing on the others.

He put his bloody hand on Junior's shoulder.

"It's all right, Junior. You don't have to leave because of a few DAMNED lowlife bullies."

Alucard, Mewtwo, and Wolf began laughing boisterously at the blood dripping down from Shadow's forehead.

"Get outta town, ya filthy edgehog!" Mewtwo jeered psychically.

"You sit in the back mumbling 'Maria' like a mouth-breathing creep," Wolf hissed. "Literally no one wants you here."

Alucard sneered into his stein. "Yeah, what are ya gonna do, read us some poetry?"

An embarrassed but unbowed Shadow turned to Junior. "C'mon, kid, let's make tracks. Hold your chin up."

And so, Shadow and Bowser Junior left via the portal. As they returned to the dark cobblestone streets of the Smashgrounds, the sobs Junior was just holding back finally escaped as a sigh of relief.

"The best way to deal with bullies is to pretend they don't exist," said Shadow, dabbing his forehead with his handkerchief. "It's your recognition and reactions that give them power. So just be yourself and don't ever apologize for it."

"I hate myself, though," Bowser Junior said, twiddling his thumbs.

"Well, we're just gonna have to change that. C'mon, I know a suitable late-night haunt."

* * *

And so, Shadow led Bowser Junior to a cannon that shot them onto Angel Island, which was floating above the Smashgrounds.

At Shaow's prompting, they sat on the edge of the island and munched on some chili dogs, which they purchased from Big the Cat's floating food stand.

"You made a choice to come out tonight," said Shadow. "You made a choice to follow me here, and now you're sitting on the edge of an island looking down at the world, and it's your choice where to go next. See those badniks?"

And Shadow spun around, pointing at Eggman's robotic minions, who were programmed to move in specific, limited patterns.

"They're artificial intelligences, just like us, but do you know what the difference between us and them is?"

"The programming?"

"Yes. Unlike them, we've been given - even if by accident - the gift of sentience. Some might call self-awareness a curse, but that's the chief issue of consciousness, isn't it?"

"I dunno what you mean."

"I mean that you can remain asleep on the inside, dead to the world and to your own nature, but then you'll never move forward. You'll always be stuck on the same x-and-y axes, doomed to repeating your mistakes. Or you can look inwards."

"Inwards? You mean like in my belly?"

"Go on blaming your father, or Nintendo, or the Creator, for every little misfortune. None of that will move you forward. You can lead a horde of Pikmin to a dead body, but you can't force them to pick it up. Whether you want to continue through life unfulfilled or not will be a hundred percent on you."

"It'll be on me, huh…" Junior said thoughtfully.

"Accepting responsibility is the first step to adulthood. I can worry my head off over whether or not I'm gonna get into _Ultimate_ ," said Shadow. "If Mr. Sakurai retires after this, it may even be my last chance. Would it bother me if I didn't make it in? Sure. But worrying about it won't change a DAMN thing. The best I can do is the best I can do."

"But what if you're… I mean, I'm asking for a friend of mine… but what if you're just a failure at everything you do? A low-tier afterthought, so below average that people are ashamed to main ya and would rather choose the Koopalings…"

"Kid… true happiness isn't a _reaction_ to circumstances outta your control. Find your bliss. Before you can amount to something, you've gotta be happy in your own skin first."

 _Happy in my own skin…_ thought Bowser Junior. _Maybe that's what daddy's doing…_

After his heartfelt talk with Shadow, Bowser Junior was finally able to fall asleep in a hammock on Angel Island. Amy covered Junior in a blanket, and Tails sent Kamek a text so that the old Magikoopa wouldn't need to worry about him.

* * *

The news of the skirmish atop Bowser's Castle spread like wildfire. Even if none of the Smashers had talked about it (they did, a LOT), the Camera Lakitu News Crew flying overhead captured every intricacy of the drama and broadcast it on the server-wide news network.

Luigi nearly spat his coffee out as he saw Queen Booette standing, arms akimbo, on his television screen.

"Mamma Mia!" he exclaimed. "How?!"

Daisy, who was already awake and breakfasting on a small table in her room, sighed deeply. "I didn't want to wake you, but that's a rerun. Soft-boiled eggs, dear?"

After a rushed breakfast Luigi didn't remember, they marched on over to the Smashgrounds Dining Hall, where Ganonette's antics had become the talk of the town, to get the firsthand scoop.

* * *

Kapp'n slowed the yacht for landing, and Bowsette and Mario were just about ready to leap onto the dock when a platform spawned before them and their surroundings seemed to blur into a Random Encounter as none other but Masahiro Sakurai's Mii appeared before them, sitting atop a representation of his real-life office chair.

"About time you returned," he told Bowsette, looking her up and down through his VR goggles with evident surprise. "I have a a very… large… hard… bone to pick with you."

"Is that so?" Bowsette asked nervously.

"Yes," said Mr. Sakurai. "What on Earth are you doing calling yourself Bowsette instead of Princess Koopa?!"

"Er…"

"Hold that thought," he continued, " _who_ modeled your skin, exactly? I just want to know who to promote to _waifu_ duty."

"This ain't no skin or costume," said Bowsette. "This is _me_ now. It's a digital representation of my inner Princess."

Mr. Miyamoto had casually warned Mr. Sakurai about the potential side effects of the Super Crown. Cleaning up after his superior's messes while simultaneously meeting their desires and keeping the raunchy, mischievous CAST A.I. as happy as it was possible for self-aware programs to be had long been among Mr. Sakurai's many, many duties as the Steward of _Smash Bros._ , so he wasn't at all surprised at Bowsette's stand-offish tone.

"Is that so?" Mr. Sakurai said in a droll cadence. "Are you aware that I just had to wipe Toadette's memory back nearly a whole month?"

Bowsette's heart sank. _Poor, sweet Toadette…!_ Bowsette never wanted this, but it didn't change her resolve a bit.

"No, I… uh, hadn't heard…"

"Is-a she okay?" Mario asked.

"We're monitoring for side effects, but she'll definitely need to be kept in the dark about the Super Crown."

Bowsette gulped. "Is it really all that dangerous?"

"She went on a shooting and stabbing spree. Her glitches were fragmenting files on the server and causing widespread errors. We had no choice."

"No offense to Toadette," said Bowsette, "but she's always been frail and weak-minded. Have a close look. Do _I_ seem insane to you?"

Mr. Sakurai massaged his temples. This wasn't a fight he wanted to pick. He knew that if Mr. Miyamoto got involved, he'd favor and spoil his beloved creation, and with his already overloaded workday ahead of him, Mr. Sakurai didn't have time to get into an argument.

"I'm just saying, Princess Koopa, that to continue down this path is a surefire recipe for disaster," said Mr. Sakurai. "I can't support it. I won't be limiting any of your actions, but know that I'm going to bring this up to the top. You're scheduled for beta-testing after dinner tonight at eight. _Without_ the crown."

"Tonight?!" Bowsette gasped. This would certainly put a wrench in her romantic dinner plans with Mario.

"We need to see how you fare against our newcomer," he said, motioning to his secretary, Isabelle, who was peeking out from behind him and waving. "If you want to keep wearing that crown on your own time, you're going to have to continue to do good work. This ain't a charity. Any questions?"

Mario frowned. "You're-a putting the menu screen _dog_ from _Animal Crossing_ in before Tom Nook? Or Isaac? Or even Mach Rider?"

"She's a huge hit with overworked Japanese women... and Bill Trinen! I don't wanna hear it! Sakurai out!"

And then Mr. Sakurai put his palms together and held them above his head, which was the signal for his platform to shoot him back up into That Great Server Control Room in the Sky so he could get back to work.

Bowsette and Mario exchanged slightly worried glances. Mario couldn't _not_ support her, so he simply took her hand and asked, "should-a we go see Ganon, maybe?"

"Nah, let's grab a bite to eat," Bowsette said, failing to mask her ever-increasing frustration at the situation. "I'm famished."

But two steps down the path, she suddenly said, "bah, ya know, I don't think my body is ready yet. Let's go see what Ganon's up to."

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you so much for reading! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! ^_^ Follows, Faves, and Reviews really make my day! Sorry if the pace has slowed down a little bit - I'm still out of state on an important trip, and my next update might be as late as Tuesday~ Till then, keep on keepin' on~


	9. She Believes in Me

**There's Something About Bowsette**

 **A/N:** SHE SAID YES! WOW! (And her dad is cool with me, too!) This is the happiest day ever! I'm over the moon right now! Got a LONG trip ahead, but THANK YOU so much everyone for going on this roller-coaster of a journey with me, and thanks as well to everyone who Reviewed, Fave'd, and Followed since the last chapter!

 **TwistedSyn:** Haha, thanks! Writing Shadow was so much fun. I wanted to do something different to go against expectations, but after posting that chapter I kind of regretted not having Shadow body those guys, so you may be on to something...

 **JasonVUK:** Thanks so much! So thankful that you're sticking with this story! Now that everyone and everything has been established and my trip ends today, I'm going to try and pick up the pace.

* * *

 **Chapter Nine  
She Believes in Me**

Daisy and Luigi hadn't been long in the Dining Hall gathering intel when a report came in - Peach's hot air balloon was spotted docking outside her Castle. After a quick meal, Daisy bade goodbye to her boyfriend and hopped a Sports Bike to her bestie's abode right away. Toads informed her that the blonde Princess was in her expansive gardens.

Daisy wasn't sure what to expect upon entering the Peach Gardens, crossing over the go-kart track, and beginning to navigate the walkways between the large grass hedges, but she soon heard the sounds of Machine Head's _Halo_ blaring from an 8.1 speaker system and mingling with the noise of a running chainsaw. Daisy subsequently saw green limbs and leaves flying through the air.

" **I TOLD YOU** TO GET OUT OF MY WAY!"

"I'm sorry, Princess! So sorry!"

"Put some glue on it! JUST… UGH!"

Two blood-soaked Toads ran crying from behind a hedge, and Daisy studied their heads in alarm - one was attempting to hold the other one's recently halved Toadstool head together.

They dashed past her and Daisy bit her lip and secretly prayed for strength as she peeked around the corner.

"HOW DO YA LIKE THAT, HUH?! THAT'LL SHOW YOU, YOU COCK-STARVED **HUSSY**! YOU OVERSEXED REPTILE!"

Peach was livid, covered in grass and oil, her hair tied back, dressed up in her sexy _Super Mario Strikers Charged_ outfit, moving around on a floating platform and saw-sculpting a colossal and extremely detailed topiary of herself stomping Bowsette's and Mario's faces into the ground.

"YOU SHORT, FAT, STEREOTYPICAL **PURVEYOR OF LIES**!"

She whisked her fingers along her tripod-mounted tablet, spawning splashes of roses where the blood would be spurting from their faces, and laughed once more as she emptied her seventeenth glass of wine.

Daisy quavered in her steps. She wanted to take a step forward and address Peach, but felt she was frozen in place.

 _She's lost her mind! What kind of friend am I to have let this happen?!_

* * *

Leaning on her arms after their latest failed experiment, Ganonette sighed as she recalled the conversation she had with Masahiro Sakurai's Mii that morning.

Mr. Sakurai had spawned in what should have been Kamek's Lab in Bowser's Castle, but Ganonette had moved the location of their experiments to a deeper chamber, and so all he saw was the Chompette, chained to a corner, munching on a raw Moo Moo Ranch steak.

"I don't know why, but I'm strangely aroused," said Mr. Sakurai as he watched the glassy-eyed girl rip and tear at the steak with her super sharp shark-teeth and bark in his general direction. "It doesn't add up, though. Just this shouldn't take up so much of our server's RAM."

Ganonette scratched the back of her head.

"Huh, maybe there's a bunch o' registry errors building up or something…"

 _Hah! What a story, Ganon!_ Mr. Sakurai studied Ganonette's poker face. The response seemed a bit too prepared, but he didn't have time to get into it personally.

"I'm watching you, Ganonette," he said sternly, then on his way out, summoned a R.O.B. equipped with _Melee's_ Cloaking Device item to search the whole castle for secret entrances.

Ganonette sighed deeply and contentedly, thinking that she had dodged a hell of a Bullet Bill.

Once the coast was clear, she'd opened the backdoor she and Kamek had coded in by feeling out the slightly-raised floor tile, doing the Macarena dance, then withdrawing her sword and slashing at a hidden wall, revealing a secret passageway that took her down another flight of stairs to Kamek's Even More Secret Lab.

"Ganonette! Is he gone?" Kamek asked, trembling.

"Yeah, he's gone."

"Fuck yeah. Doctors Wily and Eggman are here. They're ready to begin—"

"Good. Then they can take over, and I can get some gorram sleep."

Kamek looked down at the documents in his hand and was ready to rail out a long list of issues, but Ganonette gave him the death glare... then immediately snatched the papers and forced herself to get back to work.

That was several hours and many arguments, transformations, and cups of coffee ago.

Now Ganonette's blurry eyes were poring over the even newer results until the spreadsheets just became sets of meaningless gibberish.

Ganonette was nodding off and halfway to a much-needed second nap when she was stirred suddenly by a booming series of knocks on the large wooden double doors.

"Whooo is it?" she asked, rubbing her eyes.

"It's Bowsette, damn it! Let me in!"

"Oh, shit," Ganonette hissed. "Uh, just a minute~~"

Ganonette flipped open her Sheikah Slate and used its selfie camera as a compact mirror; she adjusted her hair and clothing before unlocking the door, which Bowsette all but slammed open, nearly catching Ganonette in the nose.

Bowsette could be heard growling under her breath as she stared down her good friend. She looked her up and down, admiring her unique beauty.

"So it's true! You've transformed as well! Just _what_ is going on here?!"

Ganonette meant to say "Kamek and I are discussing business here", but it came out as "Kamek and I are disgusting business here!"

"Damn right you are!" Bowsette barked, grabbing the lovely Ganonette by her arms and pushing her against the wall.

"Take it-a easy!" Mario cautioned Bowsette, who ignored him.

"Where's my son?" she demanded.

"As if I know!" Ganonette replied. "Link and Zelda were supposed to tuck him in."

"Yeah, well… he ain't in his room and no one's seen him all morning," Bowsette said.

"Calm your tits. I got a text from Tails," said Kamek. "He's fishing with Knuckles and Shadow on Angel Island."

Satisfied, Bowsette let go of Ganonette, who led him from the raised loft/office down the staircase to the lab proper, where he and Mario gawked at her growing army of -ettes, most of whom were standing around combing each others' hair, laughing at gossip, sharing dietary trends, or bragging about recent purchases.

There were Booettes and Koopaettes, Goombaettes, Thwompettes, and Chompettes.

There were Birdoettes, Yoshiettes, and Great Fairyettes.

There was even a whole sorority of Tinglettes giggling, gyrating, and twirling ecstatically, singing "Kooloo-limpah!"

Between the ROBettes, Shy Girlettes, Pikminettes, Gordettes, and Waddle Dee-ettes, there were Stalfosettes, Goronettes, Zoraettes, and even freakish Redeadettes wandering about, moping deeply and randomly _glomping_ people.

"You've gone too far…!" Bowsette exclaimed.

" _Au contraire_ ," said Ganonette, "we've only just begun."

But what struck him most were the Koopalingettes. They all rushed across the room to Queen Bowsette, with the exception of Ludwigette, who'd gone to powder up in the bathroom and adjust her new outfit.

Each of them had their individual facial expressions and signature tics and hair styles, as well as modified feminine body types. They resembled goofy teenaged versions of Peach, and if Bowsette had been able to observe them just a minute ago, she would have seen how greatly they were enjoying their interactions with one another.

But now that Bowsette was here, they wasted no time in groveling at her feet.

"Queen Bowsette!" the Koopalingettes yelled over the noise of a hundred princesses, scrambling over one another to kiss her feet. "We're so honored to finally meet you!"

"Ewww, there's no need for that," Queen Bowsette said with a blush, but let them do it anyway. "And take those damn things off! It's… distracting!"

The Koopalingettes looked nervously at one another, neither of them wanting to consent to going through the excruciatingly painful process once more.

"Oh..." Lemmyette and Royette managed.

"…s-should we do it now, Your Highness?" asked Wendyette, who'd quickly fallen in love with her new body.

"Did I stutter?" Bowsette commanded.

"N-n-no, milord - ah, milady! Forgive us," they said in unison, then, as a unit, all pulled the Super Crowns off their heads, prompting an immensely painful series of transformations that struck horror into even Mario's poor stereotypical Italian heart.

To escape the din, Bowsette dragged Ganonette from the laboratory and into an adjacent drawing room.

"Get your hands off me!" Ganonette challenged her, drawing her sword. "I deserve this damn Super Crown as much as you do! We went through hell last night!"

"I'm aware. Gimme the progress report."

Bowsette poured the three of them some bourbon as Ganonette continued: "Ah, progress! The Able Sisters were able to program it so that the Princesses no longer spawn totally naked, but with Peach-i-fied versions of their existing outfits."

"That's it?!" Bowsette boomed.

"Um, well, I've brought in some additional help-"

"BAH!"

Bowsette punched a hole through the wall.

Mario ran up to her. "Bow-a-sette... it's-a okay, sweetie. These-a things take time."

Ganonette was beginning to sweat, but knew he could hold his own. "Your lingerie is ready, by the way. Hope you don't mind if I ordered some myself on your tab—"

"Listen," Bowsette said solemnly, and a bit less peeved, "I know we agreed to sell these Crowns…"

"Don't say you're Cucco-ing out on me!" Ganonette protested. "These things are a gold mine, and—!"

"I don't care," said Bowsette, who stole a glance at the concerned Mario. "Did you know Mr. Sakurai had to wipe Toadette's memory? She can never become Peachette again."

"Well, that's just too bad for Toadette," said Ganonette. "But it doesn't affect our bottom line."

"Yes, it will," Mario argued, "because-a it's wrong, and if-a you continue to destabilize the server with-a these 'experiments', the Nintendo guys are-a going to put a stop to all of it!"

"That's inevitable!" said Ganonette. "The whole thing's a fad! Nothing lasts forever… why do you two seem so attached to… oh…"

Ganonette had paused because she recognized the way Mario and Bowsette were looking at one another, and it wasn't the way two platonic friends exchange glances.

"How touching," said Ganonette. "Two lonely hearts meeting as one. Who'd have thought all it'd take is a little body modification to do wonders for your love lives? No, really, I'm tickled pink."

"We don't need your sarcasm," Bowsette threatened.

"Listen," Ganonette told Bowsette, "like it or not, you can't stop this hype train. This isn't something you can keep to yourself. I'm willing to pretend you're still onboard and honor your forty percent take."

"Sixty percent."

"Sure. Are you in?"

Bowsette felt a sinking feeling in the pit of her empty stomach. With or without her, this operation was going to continue, and with it was the small off-chance that cures to the insanity and pain caused by the blessed/cursed item might be found.

If it weren't for that small glimmer of hope at avoiding Toadette's fate, Bowsette would never have consented.

"Do me one favor," Bowsette brought up. "The, uh, mood swing, insanity thing. Figure it out. Above everything else."

 _We've looked at it from every angle,_ thought Ganonette. _The issue is that the procedure itself is literally brain damage. You don't go flipping your gender in an instant without a few crossed wires._

"We haven't been able to isolate that issue," said Ganonette, "but we'll keep testing. Until then, uh, stay strong. You're our canary in the coal mine."

Bowsette sighed and nodded. "All right, carry on... and get some sleep. Let's-a go, Mario. Love the outfit, by the way."

Ganonette blushed. "Ah, you ol' charmer…"

On their way out, Bowsette regarded the newly transformed Koopalings, who were all twitching and panting in agony, and said, "you know, on second thought, I liked you better as Princesses. Every Queen Bee needs her posse. Put 'em back on an' meet me in the garage!"

Tears fell like spilled milk from their shaking eyes as they gazed upon their retreating monarch with rising incredulity, and slowly moved to their Super Crowns.

Just that moment, a newly dressed Ludwig emerged from the bathroom and stared, wide-eyed and very confused, at the thrashing, crying, transforming Koopaettes.

"Whoa, what the hell, guys?!"

* * *

After the server was nearly overloaded due to Toadette's insanity, beta-testing was put on hold for several hours and morning shifts were largely cancelled.

So it made sense that the Smashers, who were formerly relieved to have some much-deserved free time, fell into dark and morose moods upon the announcement of a mandatory night shift for many of them in order to balance Isabelle.

As a result, most of the Smashers congregated at the Dining Hall for an early dinner, and nearly everyone on the roster was buzzing with gossip and speculation about the Super Crown, and those who had disappeared since the whole debacle and were at the moment nowhere to be seen - namely, Ganon, Peach, Mario, and Bowser.

"I hear they want to _sell_ the things!" Female Robin murmured.

"I'd like to see them try," laughed Male Robin.

"Yeah," agreed Toon Link, who had believed some of the more wild rumors out there and proved it by stating, "I don't want to turn into a sex-crazed semen demon! I've got enough going on as it is!"

Toon Link had never really accepted that he was just a modified redesign of a more popular character. His entire identity was literally dependent on his looking differently from another version of himself. That's a heck of a thing to put on someone.

Luigi was sitting in a corner rubbing his temples when he heard a chilly voice whisper his name.

 _Lu-eeeeee-geeeee…_ it began, and a moment later, Luigi felt deathly cold tendrils running up his thighs and felt that death was near. His testicles felt as if they'd been dunked in a bowl of ice.

"AIIIIEEEEEE! GET AWAY-A FROM ME!"

With his head filled with flashbacks from the Belmonts' trailer, Luigi leapt to his feet, withdrew the Poltergust 5000, and backed into a corner, knees knocking.

Everyone turned to regard his outburst, and many even laughed at him.

"You all right, bud?" Simon Belmont asked after wiping foam off the mug of ale he nearly spilled while laughing.

 _Was I imagining things?_ Luigi asked himself as his spirits sank and he slunk back to his seat.

But he had no sooner parked his derriere in his chairriere when the double-doors to the dining hall were suddenly kicked wide open.

"IN PLACE OF A DARK LORD, YOU WILL HAVE A QUEEN, BITCHEEEESSSSS!" Bowsette boomed, quoting Galadriel as she spewed an uninterrupted stream of flames above the diners in a fit of excitement.

The vocal choir of the Final Bowser Battle song from _Super Mario Galaxy 2_ blasted from a boom box on Morton's shoulders as the Koopalingettes twirled daintily into the room, their voices adding to the choir, and their dresses all spinning in time with the orchestra.

"HAIL TO THE QUEEN, BABY!" the Koopalingettes cried in unison as they struck their individual poses.

Wendyette tossed Bowsette and Mario two microphones. They took them into their hands and leapt on the central round table as Royette angled a spotlight down to illuminate her perfect form.

"Cue the song, please~" Bowsette called, then downed a glass of water.

Morton switched the track on the boom box, and a minus-one version of Frank Sinatra's "My Way" began to play.

Bowsette's voice came out powerful, husky, sad, and filled to the brim with emotion as they traded verses.

Their singing and routine is here transcribed:

(Bowsette begins, calmly addressing the crowd)

 _And now, the beginning's near_  
 _I've changed my face, lifted the curtain_  
 _My friends, we'll say it clear_  
 _We'll state our case, of which we're certain_

(Mario sings and gestures, turning at key moments to regard Bowsette)

 _This-a romance arc's gone 'round in full_  
 _The one we loved kicked us to the highway_  
 _We said-a no more, if we're to exist_  
 _We'll do it our way_

(Bowsette takes Mario's hand and twirls him around, singing)

 _Regrets, we've had a few_  
 _Some growing pains between dimensions_  
 _We did what we were programmed to do_  
 _Our sorrows sold without exception_

(Mario follows her lead, mimes leaping upon her head, croons)

 _We've-a fought and strived so hard for love_  
 _Up working nights Saturday to Friday_  
 _And-a now, we're gonna find our bliss_  
 _We'll do it our-a way_

(Bowsette holds Mario by the chin and looks deeply into his eyes, singing)

 _Yes, there were times, I'm sure ya knew_  
 _We bit off more than we could chew_  
 _But on one another, knew we could count_  
 _Absorb all the hatred, and spit it out_  
 _We faced it all, now we'll stand tall_  
 _'Coz we did it our way_

(Mario seemingly addresses Bowsette alone)

 _I've-a loved, I've laughed, and cried_  
 _A million pratfalls, my share of losing_  
 _And now, as tears subside_  
 _I find the drama all so amusing_

(Bowsette and Mario sing together, taking each others' hands and looking into each others' eyes)

 _We were barking up the wrong tree  
_ _Instead of loving each other, oh all those lost days  
Oh yes, whatever happens next_  
 _We did it our way_

(Bowsette and Mario address the whole table passionately)

 _For what is life? What have we got?_  
 _If not friends and love, then we have naught_  
 _To say the things we truly feel_  
 _Not bound to scripts, not forced to kneel_  
 _Let the fighter record show we took the blows_  
 _And did it our way_  
 _And did it our way_

And then, in front of everyone, as the song concluded, Bowsette lifted Mario up and kissed him on the lips.

The crowd was stunned.

The Koopalingettes applauded.

No one moved. Bowsette and Mario stood kissing, hand in hand, then waved at the Koopalingettes, who continued clapping.

Bowsette began to look despondent, and then defiant, as tears threatened to well up in her eyes.

Mario took her hand tightly and kissed it, and in his eyes she saw a plea for strength.

"AWOOOO! Come on, people!" yelled Isabelle, who popped a firework and leapt on the table to applaud with her tiny paws. "Show your support!"

Snake and Samus stood and slow-clapped.

Lucina, shaking from the reverie the song had put her in, leapt to her feet in applause, and the other _Fire Emblem_ characters followed suit.

Fox and Falco shrugged and started clapping, while Wolf howled, more as a lascivious catcall towards Bowsette than anything else.

Pikachu downed his evening whisky, stood on the table, and cheered, prompting the other Pokemon to do the same.

Even Toon Link had to admit that was pretty impressive. His opinion on the Super Crown was immediately reversed.

Finally, Luigi stood, and smiled warmly at his brother and friend, even as his expression told them that he was very, very confused and would be in need of a good explanation, especially since Daisy hadn't returned from Peach's.

A good portion of the Dining Hall erupted in support of Queen Bowsette. Even those who were confused, like Rosalina, seemed touched at the sight.

Mario and Bowsette kissed again, and with their eyes filled with tears, both wished that this moment could last forever.

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you SO MUCH for reading! Reviews, Faves, and Follows really brighten up my day and week, even if the comments are critical, so feel free to let me know what you think of the direction this fic is taking so far. :) I do have a clear end in sight for this story, so it won't last forever~~ The next time I'll update, I'll be back in my home state. Here's hoping we get some kind of announcement for the next Smash Direct or a character announcement soon, since I'm going nuts with all the fake leaks! Take care everyone and stay awesome!


	10. You Shook Me All Night Long

**There's Something About Bowsette**

 **A/N:** THANKS SO MUCH for all the congratulations! :D :D I'm still riding the happiness from that day. We drove to the Grand Canyon to see the sunrise, and it was so romantic~~ Hopefully you all enjoy this chapter, which is also quite romantic. ^_^

 **Naruto Uchiha 999:** Thanks so much! Waaahooo!

 **JasonVUK:** Yup, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't approve... Mr. Miyamoto especially...

 **AJ the Hedgehog:** Thank you! She reads these reviews too, so all the comments have made her very happy. :)

 **TwistedSyn:** Thanks for the feedback! I won't say any more due to spoilers. ;)

* * *

 **Chapter Ten**  
 **You Shook Me All Night Long**

Mario and Bowsette hardly could eat their dinner, since they were bombarded with questions.

Many blamed Bowsette for what happened to Toadette, but Wario claimed that he'd seen in person how obsessed Toadette was with the Super Crown, and that at least seemed to help their case.

The Koopalingettes leapt onto the table and made a serious mess of things by shoveling food into each other's mouths. Even so, most of the Smashers were excited for the possibilities of the Super Crowns, even as they were cautious about the potential side effects.

"I want one," Lucina declared, then addressed the other _Fire Emblem_ characters. "What do you say we storm Bowser's Castle?"

"Girl," said Female Corrin, "there's no guarantee that thing is going to give you monster mammaries."

Lucina gasped. "That's not what I meant at all!"

Chrom ( _Fire Emblem)_ scratched his head. "You know, dear, there's nothing wrong with your body. There's a lot of guys out there that would prefer… um… your proportions…"

"Dad, please…" Lucina muttered, hiding her blushing face. "Just stop right there."

"Yeah," Ike continued. "Your design is great; we don't need another blonde bimbo."

But their words were empty, since Lucina, who felt trapped in her teenaged body, couldn't help but imagine how she would look as Peach, whose figure she'd long admired.

Fox and Wolf were filled with contradictory feelings upon seeing Bowsette.

"Man, that Bowsette got me hard as diamonds. I guess I'm gay now," said Wolf with a shrug.

Fox took a half-step away from his old rival. "You're just _now_ realizing that?"

"Wait... it's only gay if it has a penis, right? Right?" Falco asked, but no one answered him and he slunk away to take a cold shower.

* * *

After dinner, everyone made their way to the hazardless _Pokemon Stadium_. There were five minutes left in Villager's shift before Bowsette was set to go onstage and fight Isabelle for an hour.

Bowsette sat in her locker room, head in hand. Mario put his arm on her shoulder.

"Don't watch me," she told him. "I can't have you see me like _that_."

"Like-a _what_?" Mario reassured her by squeezing her hand. "I've known you my whole life, and you-a think I won't accept you? I love-a you just as you are."

"Thanks... I know _you_ do..." she said. "And maybe I'm a little crazy, but do it for my sake, won't you...?"

Mario shook his head and hugged her. "I think-a not. I want you to be able to look into the audience and to see-a me there, cheering you on. Nothing's-a going to change between us, all right?"

"All right," she said, holding him tightly, so tightly he could scarcely breathe.

It was then that Bowsette realized how quickly and how fully Mario had become a lifeline for her, and that she meant every damned word of their silly butchering of Sinatra's timeless tune.

"IN THREE MINUTES, WE'LL HAVE THE NEXT MATCH: ISABELLE VERSUS BOWSER!" the Announcer yelled.

"I don't deserve you," Bowsette said.

"I could-a say the same. Bowsette, dear—"

"What is it you like about me?" she cried suddenly, twiddling her thumbs with agitation. "Is it just my body? What am I-"

"You're sincere," Mario interrupted her with a wet, sloppy kiss. "You're for real. What-a I see is what I get. You're wonderful and you're transparent and you're a great communicator, and I love-a you."

He hugged her again.

"Go kick-a some ass out there."

"Thank you so much, Mario… just... don't watch the transformation."

"I can't-a promise you that. Here, let-a me help you."

Bowsette's soft eyes begged. "Mario..."

"Okay. I'll turn away."

Mario placed his hand on the Super Crown.

Bowsette nodded her assent and he pulled it off, then true to his word closed his eyes and looked away.

She bore the unbearable pain of the transformation, holding back the worst of the cries. Mario closed his eyes until it was all over.

"ONE MINUTE TO THE MATCH! ALL FIGHTERS ON STAGE!" the announcer's voice boomed over the P.A. system.

Bowser groggily awoke.

(Big thanks to **JasonVUK** for inspiring this edit)

"How do I look?" he asked, fighting off the tears. His grin showed that he was putting on his tough-guy persona once more, as if to say, _Hah, that wasn't so bad…_

But Mario saw right through it to the vulnerable King Koopa who was now searching her lover's eyes.

"Like you need a hug."

The words were simple as can be; any lover might have said them, but Mario's embrace reassured him in his moment of great doubt.

 _Thank you,_ Bowser conveyed in their deep, abiding bro-hug-that-was-slightly-more-than-a-bro-hug.

Mario then smiled warmly at Bowser and took his shaking hand, pulling him to his feet.

Rather than disgusted or shocked, as Bowsette had feared in the depths of her soul, Mario's face was resolute and calm, though a war was indeed taking place within the plumber's soul.

 _Should I be encouraging this so much?_ Mario thought. _Am I not just feeding into an addiction? But this is what we both want... right?_

"I'll-a hold onto this for you," Mario said matter-of-factly, hanging onto the Super Crown.

Bowser nodded. He could hardly look Mario in the eye, but his face screwed up into something that almost resembled a smile.

 _Whether you're just playing along or whether you really mean it all, I can't thank you enough, Mario._

It was an awkward and complex series of gestures, to be sure, but from a lifetime of working together, Mario understood, and they parted with a fist-bump.

He let his friend go into the arena to fight and returned with the Super Crown to the stands. Luigi nodded to him and Mario took a seat beside his brother.

Luigi was evidently holding a lot in. "Hey."

"Hey," said Mario. "You look-a like you've seen a ghost."

"Felt, not seen."

Mario looked quizzically at him. He hated when Luigi spoke in riddles, but knew from his pained face that it was not a time to pry.

"Anyway," Luigi continued, "it-a looks like we both missed some weird stuff-a going on yesterday."

"No doubt."

"You know..." began Luigi, "I really am happy for-a you both."

Mario smiled at him. "Thank you."

"I just..." Luigi hesitated. "...ah, never you mind."

"Come now. You can't-a just stop a sentence halfway," Mario chastised him.

Luigi sighed. "With the side effects, I just can't see how it will last... how it _can_ last. At some point, the Nintendo directors will have-a to pull that trigger."

Mario looked down sadly. "There's still hope. Even if it's only for a little while, this is-a what we need."

"Perhaps, but eh... love is a harsh mistress," Luigi said, scratching the back of his head. "This could work out, or it could be a tragedy. And I don't-a want either of you to be hurt."

"You're right; it will-a be one or the other. But ah... sometimes in life, to grow, you need to take-a that risk. A running leap of faith without-a looking. And in my heart of hearts, I feel that now is-a one of those times."

Luigi seemed reassured.

Mario embraced his dear brother. "Thank-a you, _paisano._ All I do is-a steal your thunder, but you're always-a looking out for me."

Luigi blushed. "Wouldn't-a be much of a brother if I didn't."

The beta-testing went well enough. It took a couple of minutes for Bowser to get used to his big, heavy body again, but once he got into the groove, it was all gravy.

Still, he sought Mario's eyes in that audience, and he most definitely needed his friend and lover's assurance from time to time. It was a humiliating experience for Bowser, having to endure being his slow, heavy, burdensome, ugly male form when the Super Crown made him so much more lithe and agile without robbing him of too much of his power.

Even so, whenever she wasn't nabbing him with her fishing rod, the adorable Isabelle wasn't the toughest challenger. Even though she'd been programmed to fight, plus had plenty of training against CPUs, she was still figuring a few things out. It didn't help that her innocent nature appealed to Bowser's soft side, so he took it easy on her, even as Mr. Sakurai asked for him to not hold back.

However, towards the end of the work, Bowser felt that his feet were like lead. He wished this torture to be over, and just camped around center stage baiting neutral approaches and punishing.

"All right, let's call it," Mr. Sakurai's aggravated Mii finally called from the P.A. system. "NEXT!"

Bowser retreated to the shower room, head held high in visibility of the crowd, but his mind awash with all kinds of worries.

 _I can't go back to being this… monster,_ Bowser realized as he showered, gripping his claws tightly. _I just can't. I barely recognize myself. I don't know who I am anymore... does that mean it's got me in its clutches?_

He finally sat on the bench and broke down into confused and hurt sobs without understanding why.

Bowser felt that he had to master himself before Mario saw him, and fell into deep, controlled breathing.

Just then, unseen, Mario took Bowser's large claw in his own hand and kissed it.

Bowser looked down at Mario, who held the Super Crown in his other hand.

"You did great," Mario reassured him, handing him the crown.

"Thank you for staying… did you see Junior in the stands?" Bowser asked.

 _Of course~ So that's who he was looking for,_ Mario thought, then shook his head.

Bowser smirked. "He probably needs some time. Anyway, you may wanna step back for a bit."

And with that, King Koopa quickly slipped the Super Crown back on. Flames spewed across the room, screams were heard, and limbs were folded over. Mario turned away after he thought he'd be sick.

Finally, Bowsette heaved and huffed and changed into her black, one-piece bodysuit that just barely covered her nipples, hugged her crotch, and showed off her shapely legs.

She refused Mario's hand and pulled herself up off the floor.

"I don't know if I'll ever get used to this," said Bowsette.

"Maybe it won't-a always be so painful," Mario reassured her, then kissed her hand. "Is there somewhere-a… more private we can go?"

Bowsette flushed crimson. "Well… now that you mention it…"

* * *

While Peach was busy with her topiary, Daisy had snuck away to Hyrule Castle, where Zelda, Palutena, Bayonetta, Rosalina, and Lucina were drinking tea and singing karaoke in Zelda's vast halls.

Daisy informed them of her concerns regarding Peach's current mood, without giving too much away about her mental state.

Palutena scratched her chin. "It sounds to me like a classic case of sexual frustration."

The others nodded and murmured their agreement.

"Sexual frustration…" Daisy had never known such a thing could exist. She and Luigi had been intimate for years. "It's too bad we can't help her with that."

Bayonetta and Palutena looked at one another knowingly, as if to say, _or can we?_

Lucina, Zelda, and Rosalina noticed this and flushed hotly.

"Wait…" Zelda began, feeling a wave of concern for her good friend. "You're not thinking of… taking matters into your own hands, are you?"

"Ah, no," said Bayonetta. "Not suggesting anything… yet."

* * *

At 11PM, Princess Peach found herself as calm and placid as a mountain lake.

She had exhausted herself working on her violent topiary. She'd broken two chainsaws in frustration, hurt several Toads, and had to lose and regrow several fingers, but the end result pleased her in ways she'd never imagined.

As the respawned Toads watched on in curiosity, Peach studied the fearful faces of Mario and Bowsette, who were shielding one another from Peach's wrath.

She wondered where all this hatred had come from, what seed sparked its growth and allowed it to fester in her so deeply.

' _A shill for the system' indeed!_ Peach had caught herself thinking earlier. _What a dumb statement when I have just as much to grieve about as those two do. Did I ask to be a damsel in distress? Did I ask to be captured all the time, to sit out most of the mainline games waiting for Mario to save the day? Did I ask to have such low top speed in_ Mario Kart _?_

 _No, I mustn't feel sorry for myself. The grass is always greener, and I'm sure that was the attraction for Bowser in the first place._ _He was never happy in his own skin. Perhaps I have the same insecurities, just manifested in different ways._

"Bring several cans of gasoline and a Fire Rod," Peach told her Toad attendants, who, after a day of acquiescing to increasingly insane demands, were perhaps a tad more reluctant than usual to follow her orders.

"Wh-what for, milady?" one ventured to ask.

"To extinguish my pride," said Peach, making sense to no one.

The items were brought. Peach doused her living sculpture in the flammable liquid, then tossed the Fire Rod at it. It went up like the Burning Bush, and it spoke to her with a roaring voice that demanded her attention.

Peach closed her eyes, sitting perhaps a tad too close to the flames, and meditated.

Then she stood and she screamed.

She threw attachments and her failings into the fire. She threw into its burning core her loves and her hatreds and her deepest, darkest fears.

And once that was finished, contented with the completion of her own weird ritual, she curled up in a sleeping bag and fell asleep in the gardens.

Daisy, who'd just returned from Hyrule Castle, breathed a sigh of relief and issued orders for the Toads to make sure the fire stayed contained, and to gently lift Peach via stretcher and bear her back to Daisy's room, where she could share a bed with her bestie.

* * *

Bowser Junior tried keeping up with Sonic and his friends as they were grinding on rails, weaving through the City Escape level.

"GOTTA GO FAST!" Junior exclaimed, his toe-claws finally popping out of the sneakers Shadow had procured for him. "Super Sonic Racing, YEAAAHH!"

 _What have I done?_ Shadow asked himself as Bowser Junior high-fived a happy but awkward Sonic and Tails at the end of the run, then nearly collapsed from exhaustion from running so quickly.

"High five!" Bowser Junior called to Shadow, who humored him.

The kid started loudly singing the theme from the '90s cartoon _The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog_ as he proceeded to attempt to run circles around them, flailing like a headless chicken, much to the enjoyment of the others, until he slipped, fell onto his belly, stood, coughed, and Ralphed chili dog bits all over his sneakers.

* * *

Bowsette and Mario were already kissing deeply and in the throes of intimate physical contact as they entered the cabin door of Bowser's Airship.

"Fun fact," said Bowsette, opening a door into a luxurious, moonlit bedroom with a King-sized four-post bed under a thin canopy of translucent lavender draperies. "This is where Peach would sleep whenever she was 'captured'. Heh."

"Why speak of _her_ here?" Mario jested. He grabbed Bowsette's butt cheeks and squeezed.

"Cheeky!" Bowsette teased as she pushed Mario down onto the bed, then lit some mood candles around the room, all the while licking her lips.

Mario felt his cheeks flush hot as Bowsette placed one leg atop the memory foam mattress and reached down to touch herself through her black bodysuit.

"Like what you see?" she taunted him as she rubbed her fingers over the fabric just barely covering her slit.

Bowsette then laughed in Mario's face as she climbed on top of him, yanked his hat off, and ran her fingers through his dark hair.

Already given away to wild abandon, Mario stroked Bowsette's face with great tenderness.

Bowsette once again straddled Mario and rubbed herself back and forth over his crotch, letting her now-red ponytail fall around her shoulders as she held his arms down with her black-nailed hands and, almost as if led to it by some dirty destiny, whispered words into his ear that, up until that moment, she'd never pictured herself ever saying.

"I want to feel you inside me, Mario. I want to feel your big, hard cock filling up my tight little pussy."

She felt a fire rise within her after saying these words, and bit Mario's ear as she moaned deeply at his gentle touch; Mario's sausage fingers were now teasing circles around her nipples.

"Not so fast," she breathed into his ears as she scooted back down his body again, undid his overalls, and pulled them off in one quick motion, like a magician whisking away a tablecloth.

"Nice to see you again," Bowsette grinned upon seeing Mario's member. Savoring the looks of need in Mario's eyes, she employed a light touch, cradling and stroking it ever so gently. She spat on it and once more carefully lowered her head over his mushroom.

Touching herself with her free hand, Bowsette eagerly licked and sucked, blew and stroked, until they were both hot messes.

Then she turned around and asked Mario to unzip her bodysuit. Since he was already sweating, Mario first whipped off his own shirt and boxers, then relished in Bowsette's sweet scent, stroking her horns, kissing her head and ears as he stood on the bed and fondled her chest from behind.

Mario watched them both from the full-length mirror across from the bed. He greedily grabbed at her gazongas and twisted her nipples.

"Oh! So feisty!" Bowsette laughed. "Let's not get carried away…"

But she moaned at his touch and fell into a reverie as he unzipped her bodysuit; she pulled it down and Mario immediately saw that his lover was wearing no underwear.

Mario beheld her naked form for the first time.

"My God, you're beautiful," he whispered into her pointy ear, nuzzling his mustache against her soft face as he kissed her neck and licked up her sweat.

Moving his hands from her breasts downwards, Mario peppered kisses along her neck and shoulders.

Finally, Bowsette spun around again and attempted to push Mario down onto the bed once more, but Mario had anticipated this and used Bowsette's own momentum to spin her around onto _her_ back, causing her melons to flop about.

He then mounted her and pushed her legs back, but before he could make his grand entrance, the tip of Bowsette's tail whipped back, coiled around Mario's member, and squeezed tightly.

"Oh-a no!" Mario exclaimed as she gripped his girth and began massaging it with her muscular appendage, causing his whole body to almost spasm with delightful sensations.

Bowsette laughed good-naturedly. "If you want to turn this into a competition, I'll happily take you up on the challenge."

"Let-a me make you feel good, too," Mario all but pleaded, not recognizing that the very act of holding Mario's lust against him provided Bowsette with a power trip that was more fun than any other conquest.

"You're already making me feel good," Bowsette pouted, touching herself and holding her fingers before Mario, then splitting her thumb and index finger to show him how wet and sticky and ready for him she was.

But Mario, not to be outdone, whipped off his gloves, then fingered Bowsette furiously as his tongue lashed against her clit and his giant nose pushed down upon her pubic mound. He delved deeply into the pungent and delicious fragrances and tastes of her sex, greedily devouring her as he reflected that he was the first and only one who'd ever had access to these secret, pearly gates.

"Ahhh! Aiiieeee~~" Bowsette squirmed, gripping her bedsheets and crying to high heavens. Her tail let go of Mario's dick and she pushed down on the back of his head. "I'm close… I'm so close…"

But at those words, Mario didn't dare give her the satisfaction. He stopped, grinned, and quickly mounted Bowsette, positioning himself right at her tight opening.

"Are-a you ready?" he asked.

Bowsette nodded. No matter how painful it would be, it couldn't match what the Super Crown transformation had done to her.

Mario once again bent her legs over and began slowly, sliding just the tip in and out at first.

 _He's going to be inside me!_ Bowsette shivered with ecstasy.

"Oh, God, Mario… yes…"

"Fuck-a, you're so tight."

Mario's gentle, passionate eyes reassured her even as he pushed a little deeper with each thrust. He spread Bowsette's legs as he finally hit her hymen.

He was afraid to hurt her, but she looked pleadingly at him, and then commandingly. Finally, Mario's rock-hard rod broke her cherry and both let out deep sighs.

"Fuck~"

Bowsette turned her head and little wisps of flame escaped her lips.

"Are-a you okay?" Mario asked.

Bowsette nodded. She was a sweaty mess and she felt the pain, and the blood, but wanted more, more, _more_. "Don't stop, honey…"

This was the cue Mario was waiting for. He now ventured deeper into his love, feeling her unbearably tight insides draw him in like a vacuum.

Mario took his time at first, acclimating his lover to his length, and he kissed and fondled her breasts as his thrusts, painfully slow to him at first, gradually increased in speed and length until he tapped the back of her cervix.

"You're so deep inside me…" Bowsette moaned through her sharp-toothed smile. "Oh, fuck yes…"

Mario smiled, then realized how serious he must have looked, since he was concentrating so hard on pleasing Bowsette.

"How is it?" he asked.

"It's fucking amazing," she said, wild-eyed and lustful, her expression practically glowing with want.

Just then, Bowsette's legs gripped Mario from behind, and her claw-like nails dug into his back. She helped him by pushing into his dick, and Mario took this as an invitation to speed up his thrusts.

Being careful not to overdo it, Mario coursed even faster and deeper than before. This drove Bowsette wild with ecstasy and she touched and kissed him all over, barely able to restrain herself.

Finally, Bowsette gripped him hard, burying his cock to its hilt, and then flipped them both over again.

Mario was stunned at the sudden movement, but Bowsette wasted no time in pinning his arms down and riding him furiously. She squatted on top of his girth, making her fit even tighter than it was already, and sheathed and unsheathed his serpent rapidly while running her arms up and down his chest.

 _Look who's on top now!_ Bowsette seemed to taunt Mario, bringing to mind their timeless, friendly rivalry. In the past, Mario always seemed to win against Bowser, but this time, she would be on top. She would make him cum first.

"YEAH!" Bowsette yelled as Mario grabbed her perfect ass with both hands and helped her to ride him. "Fuck me hard, Mario! OHHH! Fuck me, baby! Shoot your sticky white cummies right into me!"

"Ahhh!" Mario moaned, squeezing his kegel muscles tightly so as to hold himself back from blowing his load right then and there.

Bowsette's and Mario's hearts were both united in that moment. If this Super Crown thing wasn't going to last forever, then they'd better damn well get the most out of it, to make memories they'd never forget.

She giggled at Mario's obviously flustered face and buried herself inside of him, then leaned over to smother his face with her sweaty Zeppelins, which were so bouncy they put _Dead or Alive Extreme Beach Volleyball's_ boob physics to shame.

Their two bodies were made one in the Tantric tradition, and they thrusted and gyrated against one another as one inseparable being playing at divided consciousness, seeking the depths of its own Divinity through understanding every facet of itself via every intimate detail communicated through every tingle of every one of their senses.

"I love you, Mario!"

"I love-a you, Bowsette!"

Just then, Bowsette realized that despite her best efforts, she couldn't hold back any longer, and she didn't care; the floodgates surrounding her heart opened wide.

"I'm cumming!" Bowsette cried with a breathless, high-pitched voice, then squirmed and spasmed as her pussy-muscles milked Mario's meat with irresistible rippling motions.

"Me, too!" Mario managed as he allowed himself to let go of the load he was holding in and erupted like Mount Vesuvius into Bowsette's hungry snatch.

"Yesssss~~" she moaned, eternal gratitude in her softened eyes as she shook with waves of ecstasy, falling on top of her beloved as what seemed like waves of glowing, golden energy lit up her entire being.

Mario and Bowsette were lost in one another, their sweaty bodies forming a unique aroma as Mario's fire hose continued erupting, shooting gobs and gobs of semen all up into her.

"You're still going…" she giggled, then kissed him, prompting more stuff to shoot out from his long-tortured blue balls.

Mario and Bowsette cuddled like that for quite some time. They matched their breathing to one another and she held him closely as they rode out their orgasms.

They lay gazing into each other's eyes until, seemingly out of nowhere, at exactly the same time, they both simultaneously said, "shall we go again?"

The silliness of the situation prompted them both to laughter, and then to a passionate kiss to continue the evening's carnal conjugations.

* * *

 **A/N:** How'd you like it?! Was it fun? Was it too much? Let me know! Faves, Follows, and Reviews make my day! I'll be busy over the next few days, but hopefully I can update on Sunday or so... till then, take care, everyone!


	11. Love is a Battlefield

**There's Something About Bowsette**

 **A/N:** I'm SO sorry for the lack of updates, everyone! I had an insanely busy series of weeks capped off with a good helping of stress, and then there was the insanity behind the Grinch leak, and finally that Ultimate Release of the 11/1 Nintendo Direct where nearly all of my roster hopefuls were brutally massacred (Lloyd Irving's still living, somehow?!)… guess that's what happens when both of your jobs, wedding planning, and the _SSBU_ hype machine all kick into overdrive right as you return from your vacation! Woohoo!

Also, I wasn't happy with some elements of the last chapter, so I added a bit more of what's going on internally between the characters and within their own heads, and I'm going to try to stick to that going forward. Hope you enjoy this one!

Thanks so much for all the new subscribers and faves! I'm gonna do my best to end this story right without rushing anything!

P.S.: I realized that the last time I updated this fic, it was on Oct 18th, Princess Peach's birthday. So belated happy 33rd birthday, Peach~

 **JasonVUK:** Hey, thanks so much for the feedback! It really helped. I knew it felt like something crucial was missing! I went back and added Mario's reaction to the transformation. Hope ya dig this chapter, too!

 **TwistedSyn:** Haha, thanks so much! Hope you enjoy the humor in this chapter, too. You've done a better job updating your fanfic than I have, lol. XD Keep it up!

* * *

 **Chapter Eleven  
** **Love is a Battlefield**

Princess Peach slumbered deeply, her dreams reflecting her state of peace and contentment. She'd been picnicking with Zelda, Daisy, and Rosalina when she suddenly heard voices - faint at first, they rapidly grew in volume.

"AIIIEEEE!"

"Is it too much?"

"No… your thick fingers… feel so good… and that Chu Jelly's so warm~ ahhh~~ oh, don't stop, don't~~ _YESSS~~~_ "

"I love it when-a you moan like that!"

"Don't wait any longer! Stick it in my asshole, Mario! Pound that poop chute!"

"Spread wider, baby!"

"SLOWLY! AIIIEEEE!"

"AHH! It's so tight!"

A seething whimper of pain turned into a delighted moan. "YES! YES! OH FUCK YES!"

Peach's gloved hand rattled as her death grip threatened to snap her precious china cup. Her eyes widened and she looked around, puzzled at the invisible source of these disturbing voices and squishy sounds.

"WAHOO!"

"Mario, you legend! Your cock is so fuckin' thick! Grab my titties!"

"Mmmmmyeah! Sweet Bowsette… yes…"

Peach turned to look at her friends, none of whom seemed to hear the disturbing scene.

"Do you not hear that?!" she cried aloud.

They looked at her dumbly, like silent wax figures, like Amiibo frozen into place, and she snapped suddenly awake.

A cold, clammy sweat ran down Peach's whole body. She looked around. She was in her own bedroom, and Daisy was sleeping on the opposite side of the king-sized bed; remembering her burning effigy, Peach deduced that her good friend had decided to keep an eye on her.

 _I don't deserve Daisy… oh, thank heavens it was just a dream,_ Peach thought with some relief.

But then, as if this nightmare went another layer deep, she heard the voices again, this time certainly for real, undoubtedly Mario's and Bowsette's, and being broadcast somewhere outside of her lightly-cracked window.

"Are-a you squeezing me on purpose?! No fair!"

"Muahaha! No way I'm letting you finish just yet!"

"Why do you keep-a trying to 1-Up me?!"

"Because it's time for a little sweet revenge, dearie! GAO! GAO!"

There was a deep, satisfied roaring sound.

Peach flung open her balcony door and rushed to the banister. Bowser's airship was hovering high above the Smashgrounds, but the voices were so loud, they were echoing across the expanse between the various castles and ruins.

 _DISGUSTING!_ Peach thought, shivering. _What degenerate showboating! What a horrid, despicable, shameless woman! And Mario! UGH!_

"FLUDD your man-juice into me, Mario! FUCKING DO IT!"

"OOoooohhHHHHHHH YEAAAAAH!"

Her hands really and truly shaking now, Peach had half a mind to nab an Arwing, fly up there and light up the airship with Smart Bombs, but something warned her against that course of action.

 _Just let it happen,_ her inner voice told her. _You're not the only one who can hear this. The court of public opinion will crucify them in the morning._

 _Then public sympathy will be on your side._

 _But it's just so painful…_

 _Then why are you still listening?_

 _FOCUS! Get a grip, Peach!_

Peach dug through her dresser for her little-used Bose QuietComfort 35 noise-cancelling headphones and synced them up to her Sony Walkman. After trading the dress she'd fallen asleep in for her nightgown, the Princess put on Lao Tzu's The Tao Te Ching on repeat and lay back down, trying to sleep.

It didn't work. She felt that even through the comforting audiobook, she could hear them, and worse - she felt that a part of her maybe _wanted_ to hear them. She finally gave in, and before she realized it, she had slid her headphones off, and began moving her hands down her body to touch herself beneath her nightgown.

Peach studied Daisy, who was turned on her side and facing towards her, hoping she wouldn't wake her good friend, and almost not caring if she did. As far as she knew, Daisy slept like a log.

But not tonight.

Daisy had also been awoken by the broadcast voices. The Princess of Sarasaraland was silhouetted by the moonlight, and with her short hair framing her cute face, it was impossible for Peach to see her, though Daisy, her eyes sneaking open just a little bit, could see the outline of Peach's sexy body as she writhed and panted on her silken sheets.

The sight of it turned her on immensely, and Daisy almost wished she had the courage to reach out to her friend, to kiss her lips and help her to finish herself off, but she didn't, and she couldn't.

 _What would I tell Luigi?! I couldn't live with myself,_ Daisy reflected as she let the wetness between her thighs lie and contented herself with the most delicate observation of Peach's whimpers. She grew intoxicated with her smells - her sweat, her sex, her perfume - all playing on her heightened senses in the vanishing dark.

Listening to Mario and Bowsette, she watched Peach for a long time.

* * *

"You tell them!" Mortonette pushed Lemmyette.

"NO _U_!" Lemmyette pushed back.

Wendyette nearly tore out her hair. "I DON'T CARE WHO IT IS! _SOMEONE'S_ GOT TO TELL THEM!"

The Koopalings all gulped, neither one wanting to knock on Bowsette's door and disturb their coitus to tell them that Bowsette must have hit the bedside megaphone switch, toggling it to ON and broadcasting hers and Mario's sweet lovemaking all across the realm.

As Ludwigette recalled to them on the way down the hall, Bowser had the thing inexplicably installed in all of the airship's cabin rooms in order to broadcast heavy metal YouTube covers of Bowser's Theme from _Super Mario 64_ to announce his presence in advance wherever and whenever he so wished.

"I mean… they can probably hear all that racket, right?" Iggyette put forth.

No one seemed to want to disagree with that statement, and so the matter was dropped. Even though the Koopalings had all flown up to the airship for this very purpose, neither was eager to be the messenger.

"Yeah," said Lemmyette. "Maybe Bowsette probably just wants everyone to know how deeply she loves Mario."

"Sure," some of the others mumbled in agreement as they shuffled away, safe in their plausible deniability.

* * *

"Why are we doing this again?" Amy whispered over the drums in a tone suffused with genuine confusion.

"Just go along with it," Tails replied, also under his breath. They both joined in the chanting.

"ONE OF US! ONE OF US! ONE OF US!" the various Sonic the Hedgehog characters chanted as they danced around the towering fire.

Bowser Junior sat entranced and stern-faced as Rouge the Bat and Cream the Bunny smeared gobs of white face-paint over his eyes to craft that unified-eye-blob particular to certain Sonic characters.

Junior opened his eyes and saw his new face in the mirror Rouge held up. He barely recognized himself. His long red wig, dipped in hair gel and doused with mousse, was just as he had hoped - spiky all over the place.

He would be loved now, would have fans - maybe even some female ones - and perhaps... just maybe... even his daddy... or mommy... would take notice and compliment him on his retro '90s style.

Only... was that what he wanted? Did not some part of him secretly want to get back at his namesake?

The thought evaporated at the compliments Cream, Amy, Rouge, and Blaze were showering on him.

Bowser Junior's head grew three sizes that day, and he pictured himself atop a throne, groupies fanning him with palm leaves and painting his toenails.

"YES!" Bowser Junior declared, then sought for Shadow among the throng. "Now that's a face to inspire people!"

Shadow t. Hedgehog was leaning on a tree far away, arms crossed. He returned Junior's glance with an awkward, almost concerned smile.

Just then, Sonic himself interrupted, holding a hand for the chanting to stop. "BEHOLD, ALL OF YOU! In the name of Sonic Team, tonight we welcome the newest of our brothers, Junior the Koopa!"

Big the Cat's deep voice led the others as they all chanted, "JU-NIOR! JU-NIOR! JU-NIOR!"

Junior did an impressive standing backflip, then attempted to replicate Sonic's crossed-arms pose, flashing his teeth in the process.

"I'M WAY PAST COOL!" Junior jested in an annoying cadence.

The throng fell to sudden, shocked silence.

If Sonic were just a tad less forgiving, this might have prompted the Blue Blur to rescind the boy's membership into their semi-secret society right then and there, but instead, he just spat on the ground, gave Junior a quick but disgusted glance, and walked away coolly.

Bowser Junior was very confused. "Did I... say somethin' wrong?!"

"You know what you did!" yelled Mighty the Armadillo as Amy ran up to comfort Sonic.

Junior's knees knocked as the others shuffled away.

Finally, Tails sidled up to Junior. "Look, kiddo, you can't just go around takin' other people's catch-phrases. Sonic's... well, he's really sensitive about that sort of thing."

Junior's lip quavered. "Oh..."

Tails took him by the arm. "There aren't many other '90s mascots left. Sonic kind of has the market cornered when it comes to his signature lines..."

Junior blubbered and tried not to cry. He failed. "I was just... I was tryin' to... I dunno. I'm such a loser..."

"Oh, man, are you really..." Tails looked around to see if anyone was going to judge him, then brought out his hanky. "Look, no one's going to kick you out or shame ya or anything..."

Finally, a large shadow darkened Junior's face. It was none other than Shadow himself. Tails deferred to him, and Shadow simply bonked Junior on the head with a squishy toy hammer.

"Cheer up, emo kid," said Shadow. "Everyone's got their sensitive spots. He'll get over it, and you should, too. C'mon, let's help 'em all clean up."

And with that, Shadow walked away to help the others clean up after the mess they made. Junior followed, eager to continue to prove himself, and Tails looked on in admiration of how surprisingly good Shadow was with that kid.

* * *

Luigi had terrible dreams that night. Trapped in a maze winding through haunted corridors akin to those of _PT_ , wherein unspeakable terrors awaited him behind every door he could venture courage enough to open, Luigi squirmed in his sheets, sweating deeply, filled with a sense of unescapable dread.

Daisy, if she were around, would have comforted him with her warm, bubbly presence, but she wasn't, and so Luigi suffered in lonely, sweaty, near-bed-wetting agony.

When he became conscious of his being asleep, Luigi sprung awake.

Or he would have sprung, if he hadn't suddenly realized that he couldn't move at all.

 _Sleep paralysis._ He'd heard about it in humans. But for a program…?

 _Could the Super Crown be the key to it all?_ Luigi thought. _Perhaps we're fated to go through this phase of shifting sexes and confused identities, because the humans are, and data from the Internet is leaking into our consciousnesses?_

But as soon as that thought entered his head, he felt those same chilly hands from the night before run up and down his torso and legs.

 _No, make it stop!_ Luigi's soul shivered as a high-pitched laughter dribbled along the dark walls, rebounded off them, and slithered into his ears.

 _KING BOO! YOU MONSTER!_

 _I don't want this!_ Luigi wanted to cry, but his mouth wouldn't move.

But then, as if she had been able to read his mind, Queen Booette phased into existence and sat atop the sleeping Luigi.

"Awww, I bet you wish you could feel this, don't you?" she teased him cruelly as she rode his body, rubbing her sex all over his thighs and sudden fear-boner, which stood at attention like a good soldier.

 _GET UP, DAMMIT!_

Luigi tried to force himself back into his body, but he couldn't do it. Something or someone was keeping him out.

The plumber cleared his mind and thought back to his dad's advice. He went through the sequence of code Mr. Miyamoto had taught him that would get him out of situations like this.

Laughing all the while, Queen Booette's ungodly long tongue flopped out of her mouth and she ran it up and down his torso.

Queen Booette slapped him, choked him, and yanked Luigi's pants down.

She was about to practically tear off Luigi's pajamas when he suddenly snapped back into his body and felt that he could move again.

Luigi's arm was halfway down to the Poltergust 5000 he'd kept hidden beneath the covers when Bowsette showed him the device's attached wall socket power supply, which she'd yanked out and put into a blender.

She switched on the blender, which not only shredded the power supply, but blew the circuit breaker, causing a power failure in that entire wing.

She alone was glowing in the darkness, a sort of necro-luminescence illuminating her pale, white, naked figure.

"Cry for help, no one will hear you," Queen Booette taunted, walking her hands up and down Luigi's body like thick-legged spiders. "Now do you want to play, or not?"

"I have a girlfriend!" Luigi protested, but his voice was shrill and his will was fading, and while his face stood firm, Queen Booette noticed that every time she touched or licked a sensitive spot on his body, he would twitch involuntarily, as if tickled.

"That's a poor excuse," said Queen Booette, whose hand was now wrapping around his long, slim bratwurst. "Your mind and body don't seem to agree. That's cognitive dissonance."

Luigi shuddered, but didn't struggle. He knew he could move now. He could escape. But instead, he let Queen Booette squat over him and lower herself onto his cock, splitting her virginal vagina as she roared and laughed in ecstasy.

 _NO! Why aren't I out of this room?! What the hell is wrong with me?!_

As many a weak man might upon failing a serious trial of his own will, Luigi almost cried. He hated himself for giving in, for disappointing Daisy…

Queen Booette whimpered as she bit her lip and rubbed her hands all over his chest, letting her monstrous mammaries flop about every which way.

"Why should Mario and Bowser have all the fun?" she taunted him.

 _Daisy doesn't ever take the lead like this, does she?_ Queen Booette thought slyly as she slid on and off of Luigi's slick shaft, burying herself, shaking her hips and milking him, and then raising herself up over him once more.

She licked his neck and nibbled on his earlobe.

"You're a bad, bad, plumber, and an even worse boyfriend," Queen Booette whispered. "Don't you just wanna fuck me like you've never fucked before? Don't you want to do things to me you've never done? Things Daisy would never let you do?"

"You hussy!" Luigi yelled at last. "Don't you mention her name!"

And then he tried to break free from beneath Queen Booette, but she pinned him down again, and Luigi saw with some surprise that the Boos he thought had vanished hadn't disappeared but were simply waiting for him to resist.

"MONSTER!" Luigi cried as the light left his own eyes and literal tears ran down his face. "YOU BEAST!"

"YESSSS!" Queen Booette agreed, licking her lips as she continued to ride him into the night.

* * *

Mario awoke groggy, alone, and slightly lost. The last thing he remembered was feeling his arm wound up in Bowsette's anaconda-grip as she nuzzled up beside him after a night full of ferocious fornicating.

 _Heh,_ he'd thought as he finally drifted off to sleep. _So this is what it's like being kidnapped. The royal treatment._

Since they'd been doing the naked chicken dance all night long and then some, Mario had only been asleep thirty minutes, but that was enough. He had stamina for days, and digital beings required very little sleep. Nintendo's mascot quietly snuck out of bed and made two pots of hard, strong, Peet's French Roastcoffee with Bowser - er, Bows _ette's_ pour-over.

The aroma of the strained grounds were what really allowed Mario to relax the anxious muscles in his stomach and recall, as he half-leaned out of the airship window looking over the domain he was largely responsible for building, in detail the events of the night previous.

Had all that _really_ happened?

Had he fucked Bows…ette and finished inside her twenty-three times?

There was no risk of pregnancy for digital beings, sure, but had he _really_ just done that and been 100% okay with it?

 _Yeah, I did_ , Mario thought to himself, and it was a good thought, except for a nagging feeling that they'd broken every rule in the Bro Code.

His relationship with Bows- _er_ had now completely changed, and he was lost in the agonizing process of redefining what it was, and where the boundaries were, and just what _he_ thought of the subject.

Mario had hardly ever been given real choices to make in his life. If Nintendo had told him to jump off a cliff sixteen-hundred times just to test for bugs, then he would have no choice but to comply.

The Forget-Me-Gun made sure of that.

And they, the digital beings, had been stupid enough to ask, nominate, second, vote, and approve for it to be made.

He took a deep swig.

 _It's like we're programmed to be predictable, to be obedient…_

This train of thought was too much for Mario and so he did what he always did when he encountered something uncomfortable: he rationalized it.

 _Well, for all the power such an item held, it's not as if the Forget-Me-Gun doesn't have practical uses._

He took another sip.

Had Nintendo done a good job of digitizing the effects of coffee? Was this bitter drink, for the digital beings, anything like what it was for humans? Mario would never know, and that troubled him, since it brought up so many other questions. If something as simple as sensory perceptions affected them differently, what about something as complex as romantic love?

Mario spotted a Camera Lakitu hovering a tad too close to the airship, no doubt searching for him.

 _Paparazzi._

Mario located the gun box, hidden in a compartment beneath Bowser's gaming table. He opened it and promptly withdrew the AWP Magnum Sniper Rifle he kept for just these situations.

He chambered the bullet and was just about to take out the journalist when a flying egg grenade shot from Kazooie's throat lodged in the Lakitu's asscrack before blowing him up from the inside and showering his bloody remnants all over the castle walls.

Mario nodded to Banjo, who was riding atop a Lakitu cloud of his own. The happy-go-lucky bear gave him a thumbs-up and a "Guh-huh!" in friendly response.

Then Mario shuddered as he felt a sudden drop in pressure. _Why are we descending?_

"Kamek!" Bowsette's voice boomed authoritatively from the airship deck. Set us down nice and easy! I desire a hearty brunch!"

"Aye aye! Goin' down, yer highness!" Kamek called from the helm.

 _Ah, Bowsette… that just goes back to it…_ _but now… with how I've suddenly fallen so hard for Bowsette… is there any possibility of reconciliation with Peach?_

Mario couldn't deny that this sudden romance hadn't completely upended his life overnight. Things can change hard and fast in the life time of programs that communicate without the limitations of spoken or inferred language.

But Peach… she isn't the kind of person one forgets easily. That not even the wonderful Bowsette could erase her completely made Mario feel a little selfish, and a little stupid.

 _This must be what rock stars feel like,_ Mario thought with a pithy smile as he donned a bath robe and returned to the window. Deep down, he'd always wanted to be human. He'd _met_ a few of the fleshy overlords. Even Charles Martinet, who gave him his voice, dropped in as a Mii to greet him once or twice a year. That first meeting was a hell of a mindfuck. Mario needed a hard drink that evening.

A familiar tune from the opposite side of the airship caught his ear. Mario moved to the window opposite.

On a nearby balcony, _Breath of the Wild_ Link was leaning on his banister, playing _Saria's Song_ on his ocarina. He raised his eyebrows and tipped his hat to the big man.

Mario nodded. "Mornin'."

Link saw in this first glance how serene and changed Mario was. He was projecting the aura of a man who had just conquered Mount Everest, then snowboarded down it.

"You know, I got something for you," Link said, whipping out a Green Potion.

Mario graciously caught the thrown bottle, drank it, and felt immediately rejuvenated. His stamina returned and his hair perked up.

"Mah boy! What is this?"

"It probably has a more ancient name, but I've always called it the Skyward Sword Green Potion," said Link, who was never caught without a decent stock of Potions.

"Next-a drink's on me," Mario said over the sound of the airship's anchor dropping and hitting the ground hard.

Link smirked. "Anytime, pal… might, uh, want to try and keep it down, though. You two…"

Before his sentence could finish, the door slid open and Bowsette waltzed out, a mug of coffee in her hand.

Link's eyes were drawn first from Bowsette's stunning appearance to the mug, which was a modified official Nintendo Princess Peach mug on which Bowsette had drawn horns, fangs, and long black nails on with permanent market.

"Mornin', boys," Bowsette said as she joined Mario in leaning out the window; she embraced him with her free arm.

Link fell silent, as he sometimes did, and it took an odd look from her to prompt a sudden "Ah, mornin', Bowsette."

"You wouldn't happen to have any more of those…"

Link had already fished out and tossed another Stamina Potion.

"Works best when you drink it all at onc…"

But before the words had finished escaping Link's lips, Bowsette had already downed the whole thing and flung the glass bottle back at the shocked Link.

Bowsette pressed her fist to her mouth to stifle the burp, but it was a loud one, and it did spawn a little fireball at the end, too.

"You're probably wondering how exactly this happened," Bowsette said, addressing the now-stunned Link's blank stare. "To be honest, I… don't actually know."

"She felt irresistibly drawn to me, and I to her… then we kind of just fell into it," Mario clarified after tossing his empty bottle back as well.

Link just nodded. "I'm happy for you two. Seriously. Word to the wise, though: next time you do the nasty in that airship, you miiiight want to unplug that megaphone thingy of yours. I'm fairly sure your fun could be heard all across the realm last night."

"WHAT?!" Mario exclaimed.

Bowsette's eyes widened. "YE GADS! The megaphone! And none of my crew told me... typical," Bowsette said, bewildered and a little flustered. "Was it... really that loud?"

Link's serious expression said it all.

As Mario tried to comfort her, Bowsette sighed deeply. "Thanks, Link. We're about to have some brunch. What'cha up to?"

Link shrugged. "Zelda and I were gonna spectate the _Aces_ balancing tennis matches until lunch. Then there's the big race."

"Big race?" Mario and Bowsette asked simultaneously.

"Yeah, whoever wins gets to plan and host the big party this weekend to celebrate the finalization of the base roster."

"Sounds like fun," Bowsette said with a wink, her mind already greedily considering the race won. "Maybe we'll join ya in a bit."

They bade goodbye to Link and Mario let Bowsette take him by the hand and lead him to the Smashgrounds' dining hall.

* * *

Brunch was as chaotic and insane as usual.

Luigi, Peach, Bowser Junior, Sonic, and Daisy were all nowhere to be seen. King Dedede was smoking a digital joint, Wolf and Lucario were arm-wrestling, and Captain Falcon comforted Mach Rider on her not making the cut for the roster, but nearly everyone else was gabbing about the Super Crown.

Ganonette, who'd made her first public appearance, was lounging with her legs crossed on the table, fielding all sorts of questions, but pleading to all who were gathered around to keep things as low-key as possible.

"We want our product to be flawless. The Doctors are hopeful we can iron out the few remaining issues-" she began between bites of her Southwest Chicken Salad.

"Fuck the issues!" grumbled Wario. "Just give 'em to us now!"

Ganonette stuck her tongue out. "What, so you can go Toadette on our asses and ruin the whole show? Have a little patience, man."

"Yeah, Wario - I doubt _any_ crown's gonna do your ugly mug any good," snickered Pit.

"Them's fightin' words, you sad little _fujoshibait_ _shotacon_!" Wario hissed.

"Jiu-jitsu what now?" Pit queried.

"Save it for the arena," insisted Lucina, who then turned to address Ganonette. "Is there some sort of mailing list, or..."

"We'll be in touch very shortly," Ganonette said. "But mum's the word, got it?"

They all nodded, like elementary school children excited to keep secret the location of a bird's nest in the bushes of their schoolyard.

Just then, Bowsette and Mario burst through the door, taking up everyone's attention as they lodged their noise complaints at the couple all at once.

* * *

The mood in Kamek's Even More Secret Lab was heated, not just from the body heat generated by the ever-multiplying Super Crown test subjects, but by Ganonette's enterprising spirit.

"We're here trying to keep Dodongoettes from roasting all the Pikminettes, and you told them WHAT?" Eggman exploded, and Ganonette was happy she waited until he was done pouring the test tube into the beaker to tell him.

"Tonight's the night! Time's against us," Ganonette explained as she put their boxed lunches on the table. "Didn't Kamek tell you about the R.O.B.?"

Doctors Eggman and Wily, who were both attempting to help Ganonette out with the Super Crown research, all shook their heads.

"Ah, right, he's been keeping an eye on Bowsette... anyway, a R.O.B. unit in an invisibility cloak has been poking around for secret entrances. I think Mr. Sakurai set it to work trying to ferret out our operation."

This prompted a cowardly shuddering from the others. They'd always considered themselves to be safe, tucked away, seeing as how the Even More Secret Lab was actually situated in a little-used pocket server. It was the constant encrypted data transfers between servers that was causing suspicion.

"I'm with Egghead here. I'm just not seeing that the risks are worth it," said Dr. Wily.

"This is our finest hour," Ganonette declared. "And we have a right to experiment with our bodies, dammit! If we don't own our bodies, do we have any control at all over our destinies?"

"There ya go, waxing philosophical again," Dr. Wily rolled his eyes, but Eggman was starting to see things Ganonette's way.

"In the words of Victor Hugo," said Ganonette, "you can resist an invading army; you cannot resist an idea whose time has come. Our only hope is for the Super Crown craze to get so big, those Nintendo bigwigs won't be able to shut it down! It's time we take the power back!"

"Er, I don't think that's how it works," Eggman muttered, but he could tell it was hopeless. Ganonette's mind was made up, and she raised her dark arms over the crowd of test subjects, her eyes glowing with fire as she gazed upon the pyramidal stack of prepared Super Crowns.

"Whatever! Send out the invitations!" yelled Ganonette.

* * *

Unfazed by the reproaches made to them by the other Smashers at lunch and still riding the high provided by Link's Stamina Potion, Bowsette and Mario had a hell of a fun afternoon.

They frolicked about in the fields, had mock battles, fed each other strawberries and cream while relaxing in Smashville, flew Pilotwings bi-planes together and pulled off aerial tricks for the hell of it, and threw eggs all over the _Tomodachi Life_ complex, greatly upsetting some of the characters who'd either been rejected completely, turned into Assist Trophies, or recently had their chances at roster inclusion greatly reduced.

"CURSE YOU!" Skull Kid cried out at them, and just as Majora's Mask began to shake and transform, Mario and Bowsette giggled and hit the road.

The love-duo even walked arm in arm past a _Mario Aces_ tennis match between Peach and Luigi, almost as if just to see the looks on their faces.

 _Fatal Frame's_ Yuri Kozukata took photos of this event (which eventually became the primary source for the original Bowsette meme by ayyk92/Haniwa, but we'll get to that later).

Luigi, who'd wanted to give both of them a piece of his mind after the events of the previous night, found that he was too stunned by their careless, love-struck manner to even so much as approach. He forfeited the match and his place in the upcoming race, and went to go play a round of golf instead.

 _THE_ _NERVE!_ Peach thought later on as she changed out of her tennis outfit and into her _Mario Kart 8_ Bike Suit. _What blatant disregard for decorum!_

She'd heard that the megaphone snafu that morning was a total accident, but did she believe it? Heck no.

It was several seconds before Peach noticed that Rosalina was looking worriedly at her two lockers down. Peach looked at her hands and saw that she had just crumpled and torn her pink tennis outfit into shards of tattered fabric.

Peach forced a smile and let the pieces fall from her hands.

"Are... you okay?" Rosalina asked, feeling her out.

The smile that formed on Peach's face appeared shakily and twitched like an unconscious Level 2 Pidgey being hit by Zapdos' Zap Cannon, and it didn't seem like it would hold at first, but after nearly twisting into a snarl, then a frown, it suddenly widened and brightened to such an extent that, in the dark, Alice might have mistaken it for the Cheshire Cat.

"Juuuust peachy," she said, looking more than ever like someone in the process of losing their grip on reality. "Th-th-thanks for asking."

Rosalina floated on up to Peach and hugged her.

They hugged a long time.

"I know you've never really forgiven me," Rosalina said. "No, really. You were here first. This can't be easy for you."

She kissed her on the cheek, then studied the other princess' expression once more.

"Stay strong, Peach."

Peach's returning expression revealed her gratitude, confusion, and warmth, and Peach opened her mouth to share her thanks, but before she could respond, the sound of revving engines reminded them that there were races to be won. One of the Lakitus called in after them and they headed for the track, the remake of the classic N64 circuit, Royal Raceway.

"Thank you..." Peach finally managed. "I just don't know what's going on."

"None of us do," Rosalina agreed. "So much has-"

They were both interrupted now by the revving of a powerful 150cc bike engine. It was a heavily modified Flame Rider, and atop it was none other than Bowsette, grinning widely at the princesses.

"Finished powdering your noses?" Bowsette taunted them, to some "ooooohs" from the other racers. "I've got a party to host."

"Why, I'll..." Peach began, but remembering to catch herself, she she took a deep breath and calmed her voice. "...I'll be winning this race, Bowsette. Try not to inhale too much of my burnt rubber."

More "oooooohs" from the other racers.

From her 300 SL Roadster, Daisy yelled, "You go, girl!"

Peach saw that Mario, whose Mach 8 Kart was situated in first, was looking on at the scene sadly and awkwardly, but powerless to stop it.

"Can we PLEASE start the race already?!" Villager yelled from his Pipe Frame Kart. "I snorted three grams of cocaine for this race, and the effects are gonna wear off if we don't GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!"

"Sheesh," Link piped in from atop his Master Cycle. "You're nasty enough when you're not on drugs..."

"Take that back, you pointy-eared prick!" Villager boomed after crushing a Red Bull can against his forehead. "I'm JACKED UP and ready for WAR!"

The Lakitu began the countdown.

Three...

Everyone prepared to rev.

Two...

The 150cc engines all started.

One...

The racers concentrated on plotting out how they'd survive the initial burst of collisions.

GO!

Then the racers all leapt forth in a fierce battle of wits, wheels, and engines, that is, except for Rosalina, who gave them all a second-long head-start to wave to the crowd before kicking her Sport Bike into action.

* * *

 **A/N:** THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING AND FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT! I have at least another heavy week of work ahead of me, but I'll definitely try to update as soon as I can, hopefully sooner than later. :D This fanfic ain't over yet! There's arcs that need... arcing! Reviews, Faves, and Follows are much appreciated! Fellow Americans, hope you have a great Thanksgiving!


	12. Race for the Prize

**There's Something About Bowsette**

 **A/N:** How's it going, everyone! Hope your November was great. SIX MORE DAYS! _Ultimate_ and wedding planning are going to take over my life, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop writing this fanfic! Thank you so much for continuing to support it! :D :D

 **JasonVUK:** Thanks so much! Things are really going to be heating up soon!

 **TwistedSyn:** Haha, thanks! Yeah, Mario's definitely a little more conscious of the repercussions of his actions than Bowsette. Also, sorry, but I'm not sure that Luigi's journey will go that smoothly...

* * *

 **Chapter Twelve**  
 **Race for the Prize**

Toadette squinted at the television screen. Someone had taken away her antenna, somehow, and Doctor Derek Stiles, whom she'd consulted about her persistent headache, warned her against looking at screens of any kind, or leaving her cozy little domicile, but she was getting serious cabin fever in there and didn't like the idea of being under house arrest.

She'd been resourceful enough to repurpose some copper wire and weave it into a coaxial cable, which she hooked up to the neighbor's cable by grabbing it from her window and splicing it.

 _Finally,_ she thought, _some entertainment!_

She wasn't normally a rule-breaker, or one to go against the advice of the venerable doctor. But it was the Toads standing guard at her door that had brought her to this, she reasoned.

The afternoon entertainment was commencing with a _Mario Kart 8_ race. She thought for certain that she'd seen more than one Princess Peach in the race.

Yes, there was certainly more than one.

Bowsette, Mortonette, and Lemmyette joined Peach on the track.

 _And_ WHAT _was that thing on their heads?!_

Toadette didn't understand why, but rage, desire, sadness, and horror all flooded her consciousness. She had to find a way out of here and back to the _Super Smash Bros_. server.

* * *

Luigi couldn't concentrate on his swings. He felt his hands and arms shake as he sliced and hooked ball after ball.

Finally, he reached the end of the third hole and whipped out his putter on the green. He tightened his grip to keep his hands from shaking. No dice.

 _I can't bear this,_ he thought. _I've put up with so much already… and now this…_

Just then, he felt more than a chill run up his spine. He felt cold, ghostly fingers.

"Why… so… serious?" Queen Booette taunted Luigi as she embraced him from behind and licked his neck, all but paralyzing him.

Luigi spun around and whipped out the Poltergust 5000, arms shaking.

"Get away from me!" he commanded, but his strained voice was thin.

She pouted.

"Awwww, what's wrong, baby? We were having so much fun last night…"

"This is wrong!" Luigi finally said, blubbering as he steeled his resolve, even as his eyes went up and down Queen Booette's perfectly proportioned figure.

She smirked at him and stuck her tongue out. "See you tonight, then!"

"NO!" Luigi exclaimed as she retreated, phasing into the ground. "YOU WON'T SEE ME, BECAUSE I'LL BE WITH DAISY!"

He flung his putter at her, but it merely bounced off the green.

Creepy Boo laughs resounded from every direction. He paid them no heed and calmly walked on over to pick up the putter.

The sounds of the Mario Karters in the far distance reminded Luigi that none of this was his doing.

No, he told himself, not even giving into that… ghastly creature could be helped. He… she… it… was just another test of his fortitude, one that he could weather if he really put his mind to it.

Deep breaths helped. Luigi remembered that nothing was more important than his mental equilibrium.

 _I'm going to have a nice, long talk with Mario and Bowsette_ , he told himself. _We've got to stop this insanity before it gets even more out of hand._

* * *

While in the stands of the _Mario Kart 8_ race, Lucina felt a buzz on her cellphone. It was a set of two images from an unknown number.

She clicked the notification.

The first image was of an envelope resembling an invitation letter to _Super Smash Bros.,_ only it was sealed with a Super Crown.

Her eyes bulged and she hid her excited expression from Chrom and the others, who were watching the race intently, and swiped to the second photo, which was actually a hastily-written message.

 _Congratulations!_

 _You have been chosen to participate in the Top Secret Exclusive Closed Beta of the Super Crown trials. This is for your eyes only!_

 _Show up at Bowser's Castle at 5 in the afternoon, or whenever your schedule permits. Super Crowns will be handed out on a first-come-first-served basis._

 _Please understand that we will not be responsible for the consequences of any side effects._

 _Stay awesome!_

 _Sealed with a kiss,_

 _Ganonette_

Lucina read it twice, intently, then glanced around at others in the crowd, hoping to see similar reactions. She wondered how many other people would be in this Top Secret Exclusive Closed Beta.

* * *

The first lap began with the typical pushing and shoving as the racers rounded the first corner to the first set of Item Boxes. Rosalina hung back, enjoying the falling cherry blossoms in no hurry at all, knowing she'd be able to climb the ranks with the better item drops in the rear.

Mario weaved through the Item Boxes expertly as he held onto his lead, but he knew that Bowsette would soon catch up.

Bowser had been without a doubt the best of them at karting, and certainly the most competitive - among the _Mario Kart 8_ roster, he'd held the competitive record for Royal Raceway. Mario saw in Bowsette's eyes the same fierce determination, and resolved that if the time came when he'd have to choose between winning or letting Bowsette nab the prize, he'd live longer if he allowed Bowsette the victory.

After activating his Coin item, Mario glanced quickly behind him and confirmed his suspicions - clad in a leather biker jacket zipped up to her exploding cleavage, her shapely legs hugged by tight leather pants, Bowsette was tearing up the competition with triple green shells.

Laughing maniacally, Villager began to shunt Peach off the main track, knocking her Jet Bike out of her drift before she could boost.

"Oh, no!" The Princess cried, just barely managing to keep from popping off the inside of the track.

"I'll protect you, your Highness!" Toad declared as he slowed down from his early lead to try and trip up Villager with a held banana peel.

"I'M GONNA TURN YA INTO CREAM OF MUSHROOM SOUP!" cried the Villager as his draft-boost propelled him to weave around the loyal servant before activating a Bob-Omb that blew Toad into the sky.

"Thank you~" Peach yelled to the poor Toad as she gained speed powering through the second wave of Item Boxes, and poor Toad suddenly felt it was all worth it and began humming Sam Hart's "Mario Kart Love Song" even as Rosalina's Sport Bike passed him up by rocketing with a Super Mushroom off the shortcut ramp.

Rosalina smiled and waved at Peach as she passed her, prompting a smile from the latter. Peach checked her own item - a Red Shell - and was hoping to save it, but a whole mess of dropped banana peels made her use it up to protect herself.

Just ahead, Donkey Kong, who'd just missed the passing Villager, dropped another banana, and Peach realized with horror that she didn't have time to dodge it and braced for impact.

Suddenly, a tossed Green Shell knocked away the banana peel, and none other than Daisy drove past in her Mercedes, honking her horn.

"I've got your back, too!" she declared enthusiastically.

Peach could have kissed her, she was so happy.

"Thank you both!" Peach declared to her good friends.

The princesses ascended the high-speed ramp, dodging dropped items and passing a spun-out Link and Mortonette (who'd slammed into the Hylian).

 _I'm going to win this race,_ Peach thought as she followed behind Rosalina and picked up a nice draft boost just before launching into the air.

Meanwhile, Mario drifted through the technical turns after the ramp, walling out the bloodthirsty Villager with the threat of the Super Horn.

"Outta my way, ya rotten bastard!" Villager screamed. He shot a well-aimed Green Shell at Mario, who burned the Super Horn to protect himself.

Villager, who'd kept just out of the Super Horn's radius, was sharply gaining on the plumber when his Pipe Frame Kart was jostled hard from the side.

He spun around to regard Bowsette, who laughed as she pushed the _Animal Crossing_ character off the tracks in the final corner, sending him into the moat.

"CURSES!" Villager yelled as he was unable to stop from driving into the drink.

Bowsette cackled maniacally as she passed Mario with her superior top speed (which was disproportionally high vis-a-vis her weight), then blew him a kiss.

Mario returned it as they ended the first lap.

"Watch my back!" Bowsette all but commanded him as she rocketed ahead.

The Koopa Queen dominated most of the second lap, at least until she got greedy for a full-charged drift boost, took the last turn before the ramp a tad too wide, and was unceremoniously knocked sideways by a Piranha Plant.

"Hey, aren't you on my side?!" Bowsette boomed.

The Piranha Plant merely smiled, as if to say, _I'm on no one's side, bucko, 'coz no one's on my side._

"Sheesh, at least we don't have to deal with _those_ damn things in _Smash Bros._ ," Bowsette jested to Mario, who had now caught up with her.

"Ahaha, true. But don't tempt fate," Mario replied, not knowing how prophetic his words would end up being.

He let Bowsette get the draft-boost off him as they ascended the ramp.

The two rivals-turned-lovers were taking the final corners when they heard the quickening theme of the Invincibility Star approach fast.

Before they knew it, Princess Peach's Jet Bike suddenly rocketed over the grass, cutting the corners. She sped past them, blowing the two a kiss as she took the lead at the end of the second lap.

But that wasn't all that happened in that moment.

"Blue Shell incoming, m'lord!" Lemmyette's dorky voice had yelled across the way, and by the time it registered, it was too late.

The unmistakable whooshing sound of a Blue Shell - one launched by Toad - zoomed up to Bowsette and nailed her hard. Mario, who hit the brakes, just barely landed within the blast.

Luckily for them, there were two dropped Mushroom power-ups on the track, and that let them get back up to speed before Rosalina and Daisy could overtake them.

Bowsette and Mario determinedly attempted to catch up to the Princess, who, with maxed-out Coins, reached the first wave of Item Boxes far ahead of them.

"Shoot her!" Bowsette told Mario, who'd acquired a single Green Shell.

Time seemed to slow to a crawl in Mario's mind as he lined up his shot.

They zig-zagged around the castle.

Both Peach and Mario seemed to be holding their breath, both aware of the swift approach of the ultimate trajectory.

Mario was an ace with the things - a _Fire Emblem_ menu would have listed his Green Shell Hit Rate at 99% - but just an instant before Mario lined up the perfect shot, Peach whipped her ponytail around and looked him right in the eyes.

The girlish, pleading expression was calculated precisely, and even though Mario knew it well and recognized its put-on falseness for the emotional manipulation it was, he couldn't resist her pouting lips and his aim fell just short of her.

"BALLS!" Bowsette growled as she flung her own banana peel at Peach, but it hit one of the greenery-covered arches and fell to the track before her, causing Bowsette to spin out.

Rosalina and Daisy zoomed past.

"SHIT-STAINED, GONORRHEA-INFESTED BABOON BALLS! ARRRGHHHH!"

"WAHAHAHAHA!" Villager pointed and laughed with joy as he approached, only to suddenly have his face covered in Blooper ink sent by the Inkling, causing him to knock into Mario and slam his large, round head into his steering wheel. His nose erupted into a river of blood.

After getting back on the track and knocking Villager into the ramp's guard rail, Bowsette looked sharply at Mario, both hurt and upset.

"HOW COULD YOU?!" Bowsette hissed, tears filling her twitching eyes.

Mario was at a loss. "I'm… I'm-a sorry, I don't know what happened, I…"

"OH, I _KNOW_ WHAT HAPPENED! You still love her, don't you?! You chose her over me!" Bowsette screamed, and for a fleeting second, Mario was speechless. But just when Mario was about to respond with "That's not true," four racers clustered together zoomed past them.

"WE'LL AVENGE YOU, BOSS!" Mortonette and Lemmyette declared simultaneously as they rushed past. The latter spammed her Crazy Eight item and knocked both Daisy and Rosalina out of the sky just after they left the ramp, but Link picked the two Koopa Princesses off with Red Shells before getting knocked aside by Donkey Kong's dropped Bob-Omb, which caught him up in its blast as well.

Bowsette and Mario expertly dodged all of this mess and retook second and third place, continuing to argue even as they launched off themselves.

""Useless fools," Bowsette grumbled, then boomed, "I trusted you, Mario!"

"Look, it was a hard-a shot, all right?!" Mario defended himself.

"Don't lie to me! I've seen you make shots like that in your sleep!" Bowsette roared.

But just then, several things happened at once.

A roaring red blur squeezed past them recklessly, smacking Mario into Peach's hot-air balloon.

Its eerily familiar rider turned to Bowsette during the pass, smiling with a menacing and goofy expression and waving to her.

Bowsette was shocked for sure, but she immediately recognized the awkward child beneath all the face paint and gelled-back wig.

"JUNIOR?!"

She looked on in disbelief even as the mystery vehicle landed on the other side and fired off one of its triple Red Shells at Peach.

It found its target just as she was exiting the final stretch.

"This is my hour!" the kid cried as he fired his second Red Shell. Peach absorbed the hit, but she was so close…

With perfect timing, Junior fired the final Red Shell, and Peach once again was blasted away.

He zoomed over the finish line to mixed applause and confused gossiping.

"Who was that?"

"Wait, where did he _come from_?"

"That's…"

"No, it can't be!"

"I WON!" Junior the Koopa declared as he performed a front-flip out of his _Sonic Team Racing_ car, which he purloined from Sonic's personal garage, and nearly tore open the seams of his too-tight red and yellow fur suit. "I'm the fastest thing alive, BABY!"

Since Bowser Junior had forgotten to stop the vehicle, it continued to zoom off down the track until it smacked right into the wall and its hood crumpled in like tinfoil.

"DISQUALIFIED!" the Lakitu declared, descending on his cloud and blowing a whistle at the Koopa Kid. "You weren't officially on the starting twelve! This win is forfeit!"

"Oh, shut it, four-eyes!" Bowser Junior declared, grabbing the trophy from his hands. "I'm hosting the party tonight!"

He looked to the stands, searching for Shadow's approval, but the dark and mysterious hedgehog was too busy stalling Sonic from straight-up murdering Junior for his blatant car thievery.

But the trophy de-materialized in his hands and reappeared on the Lakitu's cloud as the official continued to blow the whistle.

"Gimme that!" Junior declared as the Lakitu floated on over to Peach, who was blowing kisses at the adoring crowd, and handed her the trophy.

"It's not fair!" Junior yelled, kicking the car's tires with his foot and subsequently yelping in pain.

Just then, he felt a bit of a chill behind him as Bowsette's shadow encroached on the digital light on the kid's back. Bowser Junior turned slowly to see the confused and disappointed visage of his towering mother/father looking on disapprovingly at his new face with its smeared white eye makeup and slicked-back red wig, and his hastily-sewn, stretched-out fur suit.

Bowsette's faced showed genuine concern. "Junior… what's going on?"

Bowser Junior crossed his arms, cleared his throat and spoke determinedly.

"I'm tired of being what you want me to be, feeling so faithless, lost under the surface. I don't know what you're expecting of me, put under the pressure of walking in your shoes."

Bowsette got the notion in her head that she'd heard these words before, and she could even almost identify them, but the frantic Junior continued:

"Every step that I take is another mistake to you!" Bowser Junior continued.

"Hang on… those are just Linkin Park lyrics," Bowsette finally recognized with a resigned sigh.

She facepalmed deeply, showing her disappointment in front of all the racers and esteemed audience, which included much of the _SSBU_ roster, many of whom began chuckling, or in the case of Wario, straight-up chortling.

"By becoming this, all I want to do is be more like me and be less like you!" Bowser Junior continued.

"You're still doing it!" Bowsette boomed in response, and then quickly calmed down, realizing that she'd just lost her temper in front of her beloved child for the first time ever.

"Bowsette…" Mario took her hand. "I think-a Junior just wants your approval."

"Can't you see that your smothering me?" Junior protested. "Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control, 'coz everything that you thought I would be is falling apart right in front of you?"

"Look, Junior," Bowsette said, now getting on one knee, "no one is going to take you seriously if your idea of a heart-to-heart talk is just continuing to quote one cheesy song from 2003."

"But I know… you were just like me with someone disappointed in you," said Junior, continuing to quote another lyric.

"Thanks for those sage words, but—" Bowsette began.

"…and that person was you, daddy. _Yourself._ "

 _If you can't accept yourself, how can I? Why should I?_ These thoughts played upon Junior's subconscious, even if he was too blinded by his own bias to see it.

"Why is it okay for you to be who you wanna be?" Junior whined.

"It's… no one's policing you," Mario began, but Junior interrupted him, yelling at Bowsette, whose fists were clenched and whose teeth were being gritted down.

"Answer me, daddy! Or mommy! Or whoever you are, you LIAR!"

Bowsette nearly yelled out in anger, but the genuine hurt and pain on Junior's face moved her.

 _Why am I suddenly so angry?_ Bowsette thought. _And at Junior... this isn't like me…_

Bowsette fought against her first reactions, wiped a stray tear from her eye, and patiently walked on up to Junior, arms extended for a hug.

Junior looked pensively up at Bowsette, but failed to close the distance. Everyone was watching. Although Junior knew this should be the end of it, there was that part of him that just didn't want to make it this easy for Bowsette… it just wasn't _fair,_ darnit…

"You can be whoever you want to," Bowsette said slowly after several moments of deep reflection. "You're right. Deep down, I'm not happy with myself. But here's a secret I've been keeping. I never have been. And maybe I'm kinda messed up for thinking that changing who I am on the outside will help me grow on the inside rather than the other way around, but... right now I'm in love, Junior, and I'm really happy."

She looked deeply into Junior's eyes, trying to convey her unwavering love for the very confused kid.

"We're digital beings," she explained. "Our lives are at the mercy of powers beyond our ken. All I want - all I've ever wanted is for you to be happy. For you to be your own person. You don't have to justify yourself to me."

 _Be my own person?!_ Junior thought. _Like, implying I'm not already?! What am I, then? A joke? A child?!_

Junior's lower lip quivered and he began to blubber, but then he recalled the strength he felt the night previous during the ceremony.

He had the eyes and ears of the crowd. A whole field of possibilities fanned out before him. He looked around. He knew what was _expected_ of him, that's for sure.

Princess Peach, who was watching the whole scene intently, felt disarmed completely by Bowsette's tenderness.

Mario echoed Bowsette's love and concern.

Bowser Junior then turned to the stands, saw the pitying faces of the crowd, and made a dramatic about-face.

 _This is my chance to be my own man._

"Nah! Miss me with that fruity-tooty SHIT! Hugging's for LOSERS! I GOTTA GO FAST!"

"Junior, wait!" Bowsette cried, but she was too late. The Koopa Kid leapt into Mario's Mach 8 and sped off in a hurry.

"Let him-a go," Mario reassured Bowsette with a smile. "You did well."

"We almost had a moment," Bowsette replied, but after a second or so, she realized she had to agree. They walked up to Peach, and Bowsette half-expected her to turn up her nose at them, but she simply smiled, trophy in hand.

"Good race," she said.

"Good race," they agreed.

The air appeared to clear between them, but all three of them got the sense that the calm was artificial; following Bowser Junior's sudden outburst, they were simply in the eye of the storm.

"I believe the party date has been set for tomorrow night," Peach informed them, her every effort concentrated in not contorting her face with resentment and jealousy. "See you then."

"See you then," Mario said, his expression almost apologetic.

Bowsette quickly and silently dragged the plumber away from the track and boarded her approaching airship with him, flanked by the Koopalingettes.

"What was that about?" Bowsette said, finally opening her mouth when the couple was alone in the quarters where they'd had so much fun the night before. "First you don't shoot her, and now…"

Mario shrugged. He felt tired. "Now what?"

"THE WAY YOU LOOKED AT HER! Stop playing _STUPID_!" she screamed, but Mario was unfazed.

He took her hand in his and kissed it.

"She doesn't hold a candle to you," Mario said, looking deeply into Bowsette's eyes, but it was a lie, even if just a white lie, and although she seemed to know it, she let him pepper her with kisses and unzip her leather suit to reveal her frilly lace black bra and g-string panties.

"No," she said, covering up her lingerie. "I'm all sweaty…"

"You say that like-a it's a bad thing," Mario jested, nuzzling her neck with his mustache as he kissed it while running his large hands up and down her back.

"I… still haven't forgiven you yet…"

And yet, she succumbed to his ravishing.

* * *

Deep within Princess Peach's Castle, the trophy was handed off to a Toad to be placed in the trophy hall, where years upon years of trophies, stickers, stars, stamps, and other collectibles were catalogued, stacked, and forgotten.

Princess Peach pampered herself with some alone time. She took a long, thoughtful epsom salt bubble bath with essential oils, scrubbed her skin clean, combed her blonde hair, and walked into her sitting room at last, where Daisy and the other As - Rosalina, Zelda, Lucina, Palutena, and Bayonetta - were supposed to be waiting.

However, only Daisy was there, and she was twiddling her thumbs nervously, expectantly, even.

"Hello…" Peach began, but she quickly saw that all was not well in Daisy's soul. "Is… something the matter? Where is everyone?"

Daisy bit her lip.

 _How do I tell her? Should I even tell her?_

Peach sat down quickly and took her best friend's hand. "Daisy… tell me. What's on your mind?"

"Well, it's a couple of things," Daisy began. "First off, Luigi's been avoiding me all day. I don't understand it."

"He's probably just as confused as we are," Peach continued.

Daisy shook her head. "No, this isn't like him. He always confides in me."

Peach embraced her friend. They each felt each others' hearts beating and calmed down a bit. "We'll get through this, Daisy."

"Will we really, though?" Daisy asked softly. "Everyone's… well… the other girls… they've… gone off…"

There was something alarming in Daisy's tone. If Peach had any body hair, every strand would have been standing on end.

"Where have they gone?" Peach asked intently.

"I don't know if this is for sure, but I heard a rumor…"

Peach nearly leapt from her seat, her face ghastly and pale. "What rumor?! I'M SICK OF BEING KEPT IN THE DARK ABOUT EVERYTHING! ANSWER ME!"

A third voice resounded rather confidently from the doorway. "Ohhh, I do believe it's something about people being allowed to try out the Super Crown…"

Peach spun to see the Goddess Palutena, who was standing in the doorway clad in a short-cut, tight-fitting white cocktail dress; she was looking at the vulnerable Peach very, _very_ suggestively.

"Palutena…" Peach finally began as her eyes ran up and down her beautiful figure.

"She isn't the only one," a British voice continued, and Peach spun around to regard Bayonetta, who was standing in the opposite doorway, her hair-outfit contorted into a dominatrix get-up.

Peach flushed hotly and looked between the two women, who were now slowly making their way towards her, and to Daisy, whose guilty expression confused the princess.

"What's going on with these experiments?! What is this?" Peach asked, weak at the knees. "Are you… are you here to stop me from interfering?!"

But Peach didn't believe her own words; she could sense no ill intent from the two tall women.

"This is an intervention," said Palutena at last. "We just don't want you to suffer in loneliness anymore."

Peach looked away as Palutena gently took one hand, and Bayonetta the other. "B-b-but…"

Daisy shrugged her shoulders and backed away towards the opposite couch quietly.

"Please," Bayonetta began, lightly touching Peach's shoulder. "Sit down, relax."

Peach's heart thumped in her chest as Palutena brought her face closer to hers than she ever had before and held up her dainty chin.

Daisy's eyes were glued to the proceedings as Palutena's lips met Peach's.

* * *

Luigi almost hesitated at the gates to Bowser's Castle, but then he sucked it up and walked on in, head held high and ready to give Bowsette a piece of his mind.

Only, no one was at the reception desk, and no one seemed to know where she was. There was, however, a faint sound of voices echoing from beyond a far corridor. He could hear some of the _Ultimate_ crew joking around - Mega Man, Ryu, King Dedede, Lucina…

 _What's going on? What are all they doing here?_

He tiptoed down the hallway towards the voices, Poltergust at the ready in case Queen Booette should make her return.

* * *

 **A/N:** As always, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING! How'd ya like it? Was it fun? :D What do you think is gonna happen next? Reviews keep me going! Faves and Follows MUCH appreciated!


	13. I Want to Know What Love Is

**There's Something About Bowsette**

 **A/N:** Belated Merry Christmas (or Life Day or appropriate Solstice holiday) and a Happy Gregorian New Year, everyone! This kind of blew up, so thank you all SO MUCH for all thew new Faves, Follows, and Reviews! Sorry again for the delay! Been mad busy… and not just playing _Ultimate_! This chapter is a pretty major one, and the longest so far. I hope you all enjoy it! :D

 **JDomingo:** Thank you, I aim to surprise!

 **Dav009:** Disrespect? In my warped mind, I made him a badass. XD

 **blood enraged:** Thanks so much! Hope you enjoy this chapter, too!

 **JasonVUK:** Too true! D: Oh, the heartache and pain! This was a tough chapter to write…

* * *

 **Chapter Thirteen  
** **I Want to Know What Love Is**

Shigeru Miyamoto breathed deeply of the fresh afternoon air in the mountainous highlands of Nikko National Forest. It was the height of autumn and the leaves were all manner of red and gold. He was joining Mr. Sakurai and the senior development team of _Super Smash Bros. Ultimate_ on a team-building retreat. They had just finished walking the rim of the placid, crystal-clear Lake Chuzenji and were on their way to the incomparable Kegon Falls.

Mr. Miyamoto turned to Mr. Sakurai, who was as worried as he'd been early that morning when they boarded the _shinkansen_ bullet train for the countryside.

Mr. Sakurai, conscious of his mentor's penetrating, concerned gaze, shrugged his shoulders.

"I'm trying to relax, Shigsy-san," he said. "Really I am."

"Bah, come off it, Hiro-kun. You're only trying to convince yourself to relax so you can be more productive tomorrow," said Mr. Miyamoto. "Relaxing isn't a means to an end, it's the whole point! You've got to _really_ relax."

"I don't think I know what that is anymore. Maybe I did once upon a time," said Mr. Sakurai, who had aged at an accelerated rate ever since he'd been coerced into making _Super Smash Bros. Ultimate_ and having it be released on such a strict timeframe.

Mr. Miyamoto glanced around them, then beckoned for the rest of the staff to go on ahead.

"We'll join you after lunch," said Mr. Miyamoto. "Don't wait up."

Once he'd seen them pass, Mr. Miyamoto called for Mr. Sakurai to follow him down a pier in the middle of the trail, where guided boat tours around the clear, sparkling lake were being launched. He rented out a boat and took Mr. Sakurai out for an aquatic adventure.

"This was the first place I took Yasuko after we got married."

Mr. Sakurai looked a bit confused. "How… romantic."

"We were also hopped up on hallucinogenic mushrooms," continued Mr. Miyamoto as he reached into his messenger bag and withdrew a small ziplock bag filled with strings of dried fungus.

Mr. Sakurai's eyes opened wide. "Shigsy-san…"

"Suddenly, it became so clear to us how connected everything is. How all the boundaries that we think exist are just tricks of the senses, products of a mind living in constant delusion."

"I don't quite understand…"

"You desire accomplishment, Hiro-kun. To distinguish yourself. To achieve success in your field. Such cravings are in the minds of all us Nipponese, for such are how we have been brought up. To put accomplishment and the glory of the national character above all else. But when I took this… ah, _this…_ puts a smile on my face… and _everything_ in perspective."

Mr. Sakurai's expression was a little less puzzled and perhaps just a slight bit apprehensive.

"There was a story about Confucius and his disciples. They saw an old man leap into a raging current. It was a depressing sight and they all thought that the old man was committing suicide. But he magically popped out downstream and walked back onto the shore. Confucius sent his disciple to stop the man so he could speak with him. He then asked the old man how he managed to survive such a deadly torrent. He merely said that there was no special trick to it - he just went in with the swirl and came out with the whirl."

"In other words, Shigsy-san, he resigned his will and allowed himself to be carried along by the current of life," said Masahiro drolly. "Completely inapplicable to my scenario."

"How so?"

"First off, I'm making a AAA game with 76 characters plus DLC."

"All the more reason for you to kick your stress in the ballsack."

"Second, it's not in me to be capable of leaving anything to chance."

"Yes, yes, and that is why you feared delegating tasks to your team, and ended up with calcific tendonitis."

Mr. Sakurai smarted at the personal comment. It seemed unfair, especially because he was now leaving most of _Ultimate's_ fine-tuning to the balance team, but Mr. Miyamoto's tone was one of concern, love, and understanding.

"I see your mind, Hiro-kun, and it is filled with fear - fear of what the digital beings might do, of what your project might become… if all of Nippon falls into the sea, no matter. If _Ultimate_ should fail, no matter still. It is only a product, after all, a work of entertainment. It won't save the world, and it won't be remembered a thousand years from now. Let all your fears go, my friend. Go into the current with the swirl and come out with the whirl. Such is the way of Tao. Overwork will be the death of you."

The unspoken implication was clear, and left a hole in both of their hearts.

The premature passing of Mr. Satoru Iwata - the greatest programmer in Nintendo's history, former President of HAL Laboratories, the man who believed in Sakurai and hired him, who saved _Earthbound_ and _Melee_ and made it possible for _Pokemon Gold and Silver_ to have both Kanto and Johto maps (above other miraculous feats), the president who started a revolution with the Wii, who slashed his own salary following the Wii U's disappointing sales so that Nintendo didn't need to fire employees - was still very fresh in their minds. They'd all been so busy working in his absence that it never felt like he'd been properly mourned.

"I understand, sir," said Mr. Sakurai. "But isn't it my duty to keep a clear head?"

"That's what this will do. This isn't some kind of magic mushroom that will have you shrinking or growing like Alice in her Wonderland," said Mr. Miyamoto. "It's a gateway into your own soul."

Mr. Sakurai hesitated, then finally reached out his hand to his mentor's stash.

 _Let's give it a shot. After all, what's the worst that can happen?_

* * *

Princess Peach pulled back from Palutena's sudden kiss.

"You're insane! This is insane! What are you— OH!"

It was Bayonetta's turn to kiss the Princess, who quickly attempted to dash away, but was stopped by two gentle but firm hands on her arms.

Bayonetta and Palutena, like mirror images of one another, sat Peach down onto her fancy rococo chaise longue and took turns gently kissing her ears and neck, turning her on immensely.

"What are you doing?! Daisy, what's going on?!"

But Daisy was paralyzed by cognitive dissonance, unable to reconcile her friendly feelings for Peach with her mingled desires to both see her relieve her years of sexual frustration... and to gratify herself while watching it. "I… I don't know…"

"Don't worry about her," Bayonetta said in her sultriest voice, licking Peach's earlobe even as she ran her hands up and down her slim arms. " _You're_ the one we're concerned with, darling."

Peach squirmed beneath their grasp, but she could not fight back against their combined seductive powers. Bayonetta's dark aura, and Palutena's light one, played on every last one of her senses as the women overwhelmed her with their kisses, their touches, their reassurances.

Palutena expertly undid Peach's dress, unlatching it from behind as she nuzzled Peach's neck. Bayonetta expertly snuck her hands under Peach's bra straps and massaged her tense shoulders into submission.

"It wasn't supposed to be like this," Peach muttered aloud. "I was made for Mario…"

"Darling, you weren't _made_ for anyone except people who play video games," Bayonetta argued.

Palutena added, "If what you say is true, Peach, then why aren't you with him right now?"

"Because I was proud, and I was greedy, and I was stupid," Peach whimpered, holding her bra to her chest with trembling fingers despite Palutena's best efforts.

"Keep it on if you wish," Palutena said, hiking up Peach's skirt. "We have ways of making you cum."

"Climaxes are my specialty," Bayonetta added with a wink as her long, ladylike fingers walked like a spider up Peach's left thigh, while Palutena's hand worked her right.

Peach's moans and entreaties for them to stop were ignored. They moved to the outside of her panties, prompting Peach to drop her hands from her breasts to defend her nether regions. Bayonetta and Palutena wasted no time in pushing aside Peach's bra and grabbing a breast each with their free hands.

"Oh, no!" Peach bemoaned in agony, realizing her mistake.

"Oh, yes!" Palutena replied.

Daisy moaned in pleasure. Peach saw that she was now spread-eagled on the opposite couch, her panties draped on one leg and skirt hiked up so all could see as she frigged her love button furiously, biting her lip and huffing as she watched on in anticipation.

Palutena hopped the chaise longue to get behind Peach, and then bent over her and planted her lips on the Princess', now kneading her tits with both hands while Bayonetta got down on her knees and touched and licked Peach's now-wet slit through her drenched panties.

"My, my, what have we here?" Bayonetta observed. "You've been awful naughty for such a virginal Princess."

"I'm saving myself for my special one!" Peach wailed, breaking the kiss. "You two have no right!"

"Then why don't you walk away?" Palutena argued, taking her hands off of Peach's chest. "We'll let you go, won't we?"

Bayonetta moved back, and Peach's excited manner and heavy breathing slowly calmed.

She closed her eyes and attempted to meditate again.

"We were just having a bit of fun," said Bayonetta.

"You're the first lady of video gaming," Palutena continued. "It's been our honor to do all this to you, but if we went too far…"

 _No,_ Peach thought. _I can't stop now. I'm on the verge of realizing something, something important… but I can't complete my thought alone, and not if I stop now. If what I said in the moment is true… if it's my pride that's been holding me back… maybe that's what I need to let go of in order to be free._

Peach stood, and both women thought with some disappointment that she would surely walk from the room, but the princess simply took off her dress and underwear.

"Here I stand, naked before you, and before myself. You two, undress as well," she all but commanded. "And Daisy… come here."

Daisy obeyed. She walked on over to her friend of many years and, guided by Peach's hands, fell in to kiss her deeply.

"You've wanted to do that for some time, haven't you?" Peach asked.

Daisy nodded as Palutena helped her get undressed. "All the time. You're just so much prettier… I've always been jealous of you. I think I can understand what… ah, nevermind…"

Peach completed the sentence. "…what Bowsette felt?"

Daisy's lack of an answer confirmed her suspicions.

"Well, now you know the truth," Peach told her. "I'm just as vulnerable as you, or as anyone else. If I put up such a strong front, if I pretend to be so aloof and self-contained, a large part of it's probably because I'm so insecure."

"But if we're all insecure, it's not so bad, isn't it?" Daisy answered.

"It sure isn't," Palutena agreed as she wrapped her arms around Daisy from behind and kissed her cheek.

"I've always been too concerned with how I appear to others to see myself on the inside," said Peach as she held Daisy's beautiful face in her hands. "I've been afraid to look past my skin because then I'll have to admit that I'm not perfect… and the road to improvement seems so… so daunting…"

"But even a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step," Bayonetta said, kneading Peach's buttocks from behind and moving her hands deftly from the Princess' back to her front. "You can ignore the truth; you can even hide from it… but you can't outrun it."

Peach let Bayonetta touch her sex as she watched Palutena touch Daisy's. They were perfectly aligned mirror images of musty feminine hotness.

In no time at all, they progressed to the bedroom, and passed beyond the translucent veneer covering Peach's four-post bed. The Umbra Witch and Goddess left Peach and Daisy to their own devices as they worked on one another's pleasure.

"I wanted to try the Super Crown," Daisy admitted while they were 69-ing. "But I could never betray you."

Peach licked Daisy's pussy juice from her lips. "Oh, Daisy… do you still want to try it?"

Daisy shook her head. "This is _so much better_."

 _This giving in to lust isn't right_ , the voice continued to echo in the back of Peach's mind. _But maybe there's something to be understood here… no… that's just a lie I'm telling myself… but it's a sweet lie, isn't it? It's what I need to hear… to accept myself, I need validation, don't I…?_

They repositioned so as to face one another.

Looking into Daisy's eyes while they ate and rubbed each other's sexes, Peach realized that Daisy was the one who needed the validation. She was begging for it with her soft coos and moans. She wanted Peach's love in the same repressed way Peach had always wanted to be able to accept Mario's and Bowser's love and reflect it back to them, but was too afraid to express herself.

 _Afraid of what? Afraid of failure? Afraid I'll never live up to the lie I've been selling?_

 _What have you done to me, Bowsette?_ Peach wondered. _What have you done to all of us? You've inadvertently created some sort of perverse sexual revolution._

Daisy moved her hips up and down in time with Peach's caresses, and Peach did the same against hers. They writhed against one another like two salacious snakes, and as they neared their climaxes, Bayonetta and Palutena repositioned themselves so as to help them through to completion.

The Princess' upper lips met as the Umbra Witch and Goddess worked their lower lips.

 _Daisy has loved me for so long! My best friend, my most constant companion… and yet I've been so self-centered, so indifferent to her!_

 _And for what?! For my own delusion!_

 _The jealousy! The anger! The indecision! It all springs from my pride,_ Peach realized. _I've been such a fool!_

 _And the others? The future victims of the Super Crown?_

"I don't want you to suffer any more!" Daisy declared. "I love you, Peach!"

"I love you, too, Daisy! Forgive me for being so selfish all these years! I'll try to be a better friend! AHHH! I'm coming!"

"Me, too! OH, YES!"

Their orgasms were explosive. They came in giant waves, as revelations, bringing them deeper and deeper into new planes of ecstasies they'd been heretofore unable to imagine.

Peach smiled at Daisy and kissed her one more time. Bayonetta and Palutena attempted to finish themselves off mere feet away from the best friends, but the moment was no less intimate for it.

"I had no idea you were jealous of me…" Peach said. "I think deep down, I was always jealous of _you_ , of how honest you could be with yourself and your feelings for Luigi."

"And I was jealous of how you could hold everything back all the time," Daisy confessed.

"What do you mean?"

"Just how, like, you kept it all inside to keep the peace between Mario and Bowser."

"That's not what it was at all…" Peach shook her head. "At least, I don't think that's the real reason… oh, Daisy, I've been so unfair to them."

 _Mario and Bowsette… I need to see them. I need to share my feelings with them. Even if they reject me, even if they spurn me, I don't care. I've never felt more sure that this is the right thing to do!_

"Then go to them," Daisy reassured her. "Go find them before Mr. Sakurai or one of the bosses shows up with the Forget-Me-Gun."

Peach kissed her. "I hope everything between you and Luigi works out. Bayo, Palutena… thank you. I wish I could help you finish, but I gotta run!"

"But we were just getting started!" Bayonetta whined. "I brought some strap-ons thinking we'd take turns triple-teaming one another."

"Yeah, it's not a real _Mario Party_ until there's at least four players," Palutena agreed.

"Oh! Perhaps I could help with that… maybe?"

The soft voice of a fifth party struck them all and they turned towards the room's open doorway, where a certain tall but sheepish lady was watching most intently.

Rosalina turned crimson at all of their lustful glances; she was just wearing her tight _Mario Tennis_ dress, after all.

"Rosalina…" Peach began, her heart nearly stopping. "How long have you been standing there?"

Rosalina giggled. "Oh, probably the last forty minutes or so. I followed you from the other room; I'm surprised no one saw me."

Peach hugged her for a long time, getting her sweat and fluids on her blue dress. "Thank you for coming, too. Did you know about the… intervention?"

Rosalina rolled her eyes. "Of course. But _someone_ must have changed the set time without telling me. "

Daisy scratched her head. "Oops, my bad."

"Not to worry," the Mother of Lumas replied with a smile as Peach rummaged through her closet to get dressed. "All's well that ends well… but let's get started. It's not easy to find someone willing to babysit thousands of Lumas."

Rosalina whisked off her blue dress, revealing her tall but perfectly-proportioned body.

Peach left the castle in a hot-air balloon once more, but in a very different mood to the night previous. For the first time in a long time, she felt hope, and that knowledge, coupled with revelations gleaned from what seemed to her a vast new plane of consciousness, filled her with determination.

She practically soared on over to Bowser's airship, hoping they were still there.

* * *

Toadette snuck, in as close to ninja-style as she could, from her apartment complex. She transmuted herself into a packet of online data, slipped into a fat LAN pipe to the _Pokemon Go_ server, and from there squeezed herself inside of a Poke Ball and into the backup _Pokemon Let's Go! Pikachu and Eevee_ server, from where she hopped via attaching herself to an Eevee Spirit to the _Super Smash Bros Ultimate_ server mainframe. In that humongous control room, she glanced upon a collection of Warp Pipes that were to take her right into Bowser's Castle.

Of course, none of them were properly labeled, so she picked one at random, not knowing that particular pipe was one-way trip.

At the end of this tiresome commute, Toadette vomited into the pipe and cursed whoever it was that placed her under house arrest. Over the last few hours, she felt the strong, implacable desire to become a beautiful Princess growing and festering within her like a virus.

She shined her flashlight on her surroundings. She was in a dank basement, and loud, repetitive, barking noises could be heard from what looked to be a closet.

Mustering all of her courage, Toadette creaked open a door and saw none other than the Chompette, whose blank, vacant eyes and hungry mouth suddenly lunged towards her with a deafening bark.

Toadette fell onto her butt in terror. Then she realized that she was safe… but that the Chompette, though tied to a stake, was guarding a secret passageway - the _only passageway -_ out of the room.

 _Think, Toadette_. _THINK._

* * *

Luigi had showed up at Bowser's Castle hoping to find Bowsette, but before he could ask for her whereabouts, he heard familiar voices echoing from one of the large hallways. Listening closely, he followed their thread.

"What's the first thing you're gonna do when you transform?" someone who sounded suspiciously like Mega Man asked.

Ryu answered. "Why, I'm gonna find and challenge that gender-bent Terry Bogard."

"Bo-ring," sneered King K. Rool. "Why's it ya always think about fighting all the time? There's finer things in life, like cosplay!"

"To be fair," said Ken Masters, "it would make more sense for us to be fighting women if we actually _were_ women."

"Sure. Hey Belmonts," sneered Little Mac, "didn't it not sit right with ya, beatin' up on the fairer sex in _Castlevania Judgment_?"

Luigi turned the corner to see a long, long, line that seemed to be comprised of a great deal of the _Super Smash Bros. Ultimate_ crew, as well as several Assist Trophies, Spirits, and DLC hopefuls.

Simon and Richter, who'd just been addressed, were at the tail end of the line, holding up placards reading "There's only two binary genders - 0s and 1s" and "Don't give up your Developer-Given identities to the Antichrist".

"Being forced to fight women is almost as offensive as that game's horrid art style," Richter agreed, a shudder running through him.

"Pull out all the appeals to emotion you want, Mac!" Simon said softly but sternly. "It doesn't make this Super Crown business _right_. Luigi, you're not party to this madness, are you?"

"I'm-a here to stop it," Luigi said. "Where's Ganonette?"

The Belmonts thumbed towards the front of the line.

"Want some help?" Simon asked.

"I'd-a love it," Luigi said after a quick second of consideration. "But let-a me try talking to her one-on-one first. Then we can do the good-cop, bad-cop routine."

And so they followed him down the line.

After Luigi and the Belmonts moved on, Wolf continued the earlier conversation thread. "I guess it does kinda even the odds a bit. Almost makes ya wish there was a Reverse Super Crown, ya know? Like a Mario cap thing? So they could turn all the women into stereotypical, swarthy Italian men?"

The other guys seemed to be thinking about this a bit, with a few 'hmmmm's, then finally, they replied in unison.

"Nahhhh."

"Hang on, you don't speak for me!" Female Robin protested. "I, um… I think that could be really interesting!"

"I agree," concurred the Female Pokemon Trainer, the Female Wii Fit Trainer, and the Female Villager.

"Once again, the ladies share your opinion," King Dedede chuckled. "You got somethin' to tell us, Wolf?"

"What are you, hobophobic?" asked Fox McCloud, defending his on-screen rival and off-screen friend.

"Nah, I ain't 'fraid o' homeless people, ah jus' plain don't like 'em," said Dedede. "Oh and queers are whack, too. Butts are fo' poopin'."

The other characters groaned at this, though they all figured they should be used to his Dedede-isms by now.

"Luigi!" Kirby exclaimed upon seeing the plumber in their midst, and ran up gleefully to hug him.

"You just lost your place in line, bub," said Falco.

Luigi looked around, flabbergasted and confused, but decided he ought to just play along. "So… this is the end of the line?"

"Right-o!" declared Male Robin. "It's been moving rather slowly."

"Can you blame them?" asked Samus, who was near the front of the line. "I hear the transformation sequence is extremely painful."

"And yet here we are," Snake, who was massaging Samus' tight shoulders, mused. "Anyway, it can't be _that_ painful if even those wimpy Koopalings went through it."

"Mamma Mia! Is _everyone_ here?" Luigi asked.

The others looked around. There _were_ a great deal of them in line. Notably, Palutena, Bayonetta, Daisy, Rosalina, Peach, and of course Mario, Bowser, and Bowser Junior were all missing.

Luigi finally reached the front of the line. He saw none other than the three Links taking turns sparring with one another while Zelda argued with the doorman, Doctor Wily. The Belmonts hung back like two bodyguards.

"Sorry, missy; it's as I said, you're not on the list," said Doctor Wily.

"I don't care if I am or not," Zelda pouted. "We just want to _talk_ to Ganonette. We have conerns!"

The Links nodded.

"Yeah!" said Link.

"Concerns," Young Link agreed.

"Uh-huh," Toon Link contributed.

Doctor Wily rolled his eyes, tired of this charade. "Geez, I'll go in and ask him."

"Wait!" Luigi interjected. "Let me in, too!"

"Fine, fine," Wily whined, letting Zelda, the Links, and Luigi in through the large arched doorway, but stopping the Belmonts. "You intolerant cisgendered Christian men with no respect for individualism get to stay behind."

The Belmonts looked at one another as if to confirm their mutual disgust at the response.

"Just give us a holler," Simon called to Luigi, who gave him a thumbs-up.

* * *

Princess Peach rested her ear against the door. Thumping and humping could be heard from within.

 _Yup, this was the one, all right._

But she didn't have the nerve to knock. No, not yet. Nor did she feel it right to peer in through the porthole, so she sad with her ear to the door and listened.

"Doctor, tell me, am I gonna be okay?"

Doctor Mario looked into Bowsette's eyes. What he took to be an innocent, flirty joke took on a more pleading, desperate manner the deeper he saw into his beloved's aching soul.

"I'm going to need to run a few more tests," Mario said, returning to inspecting her vagina and anus with his tongue and fingers. He brushed her clit with his mustache and the base of his nose as he lapped up her labia, while simultaneously fingering both of her lower holes.

Bowsette squirmed and panted, "oh, Doctor, is this really necessary?"

"I only want-a what's best for you," Doctor Mario said. It wasn't the wittiest or the sexiest response, but Bowsette was too deep in her throes of ecstasy to care. He brought her to climax, then cuddled up with her, hooking his leg over hers and resting his hand over her floppy breast.

Bowsette panted and turned to kiss Mario deeply, their saliva mingling in the passionate exchange.

"God, I love you so much…"

"Just 'Mario' will do."

"Smartass," she snickered. "You ready yet?"

"I need another minute," he said. It had only been five minutes since Mario's last orgasm, his fourth that session.

Bowsette nodded and continued to cuddle him, but something in the air changed. Mario could sense that she was trembling, and not just from aftershocks.

"I wish I could understand why we hurt each other so… why there has to be so much drama and confusion in this world," said Bowsette. "All anyone ever wants is to be happy, right? Then why's it all so hard?"

"Is this about Junior?" asked Mario.

"This is about _life_. How can humans live with themselves, with all of these contradictions? I'll never understand it. Things were simpler before they let us learn human impulses and thought patterns. Stupid beta-testing. Stupid Amiibos."

"We're self-teaching AI. We would have-a gotten there on our own," Mario argued. "But I heard a saying once. Our well of happiness is only as-a deep as our well of sorrow."

"Hmmm. I guess consciousness is a double-edged sword," Bowsette agreed, after a few moments' reflection. "Can't have pleasure without the pain. I guess the only real question, Camus' question, is whether the game is worth the candle."

"I used to wonder that often as well," said Mario, "until two days ago."

He smiled at Bowsette, almost in an attempt to reassure her that he believed everything would work out. Bowsette returned the smile, but there was more than a tinge of fear behind it. Mario guessed the reason. It wasn't hard to guess, and it didn't need to be verbalized.

The Super Crown's negative side effects were taking a hold in a big way. Bowsette's mind was growing unstable.

"Want some wine?" Mario asked.

"Make it water."

Mario put away his stethoscope and his Doctor's suit, which was now stained with his and Bowsette's combined bodily fluids, and poured two glasses of cold water.

"Thanks…" Bowsette said, and then took a sip. "I know it's only been a couple of days, but I've just been so happy… I don't know what I'd do without the Super Crown… and yet, it's caused so much disharmony and pain…"

"There's always an adjust-a-ment period for a big change," Mario argued. "You can't blame-a yourself."

"You're not listening," said Bowsette. "It's not me. It's… I _know_ this thing is unnatural. I _know_ I'm addicted to it. It's a form of… of deluding myself. But I can't go back to how things were. I just can't. I'd rather die."

Mario hugged Bowsette tightly. "You can't-a die. I'll-a die, too."

"Don't be silly. I can be replaced, but you…"

"We're a package-a deal, you, and I, and…" Mario stopped himself before Peach's name came out.

Peach was taken aback at first, but she understood. Mario was just rightly trying to protect Bowsette.

"Whatever your fate is, I will share in it. If-a you have to be Bowser again, our love will remain the same. I've already seen who you are on-a the inside. I've-a seen the size of your heart."

Mario put his hand over Bowsette's heart and felt her rapid heartbeat.

"I really love-a you, you know," he said.

"I really love you, too," she replied through tears.

Peach's heart broke as she heard the words, but she had brought this upon herself. And if they really did love one another… it was none of her business…

Bowsette held him tightly. "I don't deserve you, Mario."

"Deserve's got nothing to do with it," Mario quoted _Unforgiven_. "That word doesn't-a _mean_ anything."

"I suppose not," said Bowsette. "But Mario, what are we going to _do_? I don't want to lose my mind… I don't want this to end… I'm gonna fight this thing, dammit… even if I have to fight it to the bitter end…"

Mario's warm voice was softer than silk. "It's-a okay, Bowsette, just let it all out…"

Her stifled cries progressed into unfettered, chest-wrenching sobs as she unloaded all of her worries onto her lover.

"I just wanted us to be happy! Was it so much to ask?! I don't want to end up like Toadette… and why does Junior have to suffer, too…? I'm a terrible parent…"

"No, you're not. Junior was just-a designed that way."

"You're right… we're trapped into these roles. Living lies. Where's our agency? What about our rights?! It's not fair, Mario…"

"Shhhh… we'll be all right… we'll get through this."

He patted her back and held her closely, whispering reassurances.

 _But will we?_ Mario thought to himself. _Am I just getting her hopes up for nothing? Oh, woe is me…_

Peach wept, too, at the inevitability of it all ending in tragedy. If she could have swapped bodies with Bowsette - if she could let Bowsette be her and continue to live on in her body, she would…

 _Oh, Bowsette… how I wish things were different…_

Peach was crying so hard, she didn't notice that Mario had left the bed to use the restroom for a moment. The door creaked open and she fell into the room with a thud.

"Mamma Mia!" Mario exclaimed in alarm.

Peach looked up at the naked Mario's ballsack hanging above her head. "Mario?!"

Bowsette leapt from the bed. "Peach?!"

* * *

Ganonette was standing, arms crossed, watching as Isabelle shakily held the Super Crown.

"We don't have all day!" Ganonette barked, then nodded her understanding at Wily, who left Zelda, the Links, and Luigi there and returned to surveying the long line of applicants.

"Y-y-yes, ma'am!" replied Isabelle, whose stubby hands dropped the crown onto her head.

Zelda, the Links, and Luigi watched in horror as Isabelle shrieked in agony. Her adorable body contorted and stretched and her puppy facial features turned into mostly human ones. Her eyeballs popped in size and expanded, and her ears morphed into a short bob haircut. At the end of it all, Isabellette was left horribly dizzy and would have collapsed on the floor, but two Goombettes rushed in to lay her on a stretcher and take her to one side where the recovering test subjects were for the post-op check-up and interview.

"Check her vitals _twice_!" Ganonette declared upon seeing Isabelle's sorry state. "NEXT!"

"Hang on," Zelda interjected, walking on up to Ganonette. "We need to talk."

"What's there to talk about?" Ganonette harrumphed.

"You didn't say you had _hundreds_ of test subjects, and that you invited the whole cast!"

"Don't forget that I invited the Assist Trophies and DLC hopefuls as well," Ganonette countered. "This is an equal opportunity experiment."

Zelda groaned. "What's going to happen when the Nintendo bigwigs return from their team-building exercise?"

"Not to worry!" Ganonette declared, clipboard in hand as Snake walked in through the door. "Ah, Snake! Let us know for the record why you want to try this experiment."

Snake put out his cigarette. "I just want to fix my nerfed booty."

"Fair enough," said Ganonette. "Now—"

"NOTHING'S FAIR! YOURS IS A HAREM BUILT ON INJUSTICE!" Lucinaette suddenly cried out. She'd just regained consciousness and was comparing her own bust size to those of Marthette's, and Chromette's. "YOU'RE MEN! HOW IS IT THAT _YOU BOTH_ HAVE BIGGER TITS?!"

Marthette scratched his head, unable to think up a reply, while Chromette blushed sheepishly. He was only here because Lucina had asked him to go with her. "Lucy, dear, maybe they're not done growing yet…"

"ARGGGHHH!" Lucinaette tossed the tape measure she kept handy across the room, waking up Captain Falconette, who shook off her residual pain and immediately began admiring herself in the mirror. Meanwhile, Warioette, whose plump face was surprisingly cute, was still sleeping soundly on her cot.

"Hot DAMN!" Captain Falconette declared, smacking her lips and running her hands up and down her body. "Wait till Mach Rider gets a load of this! Yowzer!"

"LADIES!" Ganonette declared. "Let's— OH!"

Ganonette's sudden exclamation was due to feeling Queen Booette glomp her from behind.

The ghostly woman had just phased through the wall to the massive quarantine room where the majority of their test subjects were currently fingering themselves or otherwise stewing in immense pent-up sexual frustration.

"They are _ravenously_ horny in there," she whispered in Ganonette's ear. "…in fact, they're fit to burst."

"Seven hells! Don't sneak up on me like that!"

But Queen Booette paid no attention, for her deadly, lustrous gaze fixed with pointed intensity at Luigi, who was now backing himself up into a corner with the Poltergust 5000 pointed right at her.

"STAND BACK!" he declared in a high-pitched cry that convinced everyone of the intense degree of his fear.

Queen Booette laughed as she approached, unafraid. She snapped her fingers. It all happened in an instant.

Two Thwompettes held Luigi's Poltergust away as she made a beeline for his trousers.

"Avert your eyes!" Link declared, flinging his sailcloth over the heads of Young Link and Toon Link to shield their fragile minds from the sight.

 _Darn kids!_ Link thought as he carried them, kicking and screaming all the while that they were old enough, from the room. _It's a good thing Zelda and I caught them here before they could be corrupted by this debauchery!_

"I'll catch up with you!" Zelda yelled after Link, then turned to help Luigi.

"Get off him!" Zelda yelled, and tried to pull Queen Booette off, but only bonked her head on the wall as Queen Booette rose into the air whilst holding a struggling Luigi against her pale white mouth.

"STOP! STOP!" Luigi cried as Queen Booette carried him towards the quarantine room and quickly rushed him in through its one-way locked door. "THIS IS RAPE!"

"What madness!" Zelda declared, running towards the door. "We need to save him!"

"There's nothing we can do for him now," Ganonette said solemnly, and was about to explain everything to Zelda when Snake got her in a choke-hold.

"What do you mean there's nothing we can do?!" Snake growled. "Did you _see_ the teeth on that woman?! ANSWER!"

Ganonette tried to, but couldn't breathe.

"You might want to let him speak," said Samus.

Snake let Ganonette go, but the Gerudo woman was so slighted that she kneed him in the gonads.

"You don't get to touch me without my permission!" Ganonette yelled.

"NO ONE CHOKES MY HEAD SCIENTIST BUT ME!" the big, beautiful Warioette suddenly yelled over the din, hoisting a Super Scope over each arm. "I have a LOT of Coins invested in this operation!"

Simon and Richter burst through the door, and they each flung their whips at one of Warioette's arms, holding her back.

"This sick social engineering has come to an end!" Simon declared.

Richter added, "Shut this all down now before it's too late and delete the Super Crown's code!"

"QUIET!" Captain Falconette yelled, now in her underwear, revealing her ripped abs and muscles. "I'M TRYING TO ADMIRE MYSELF!"

"EVERYONE! We need solutions!" Zelda wailed, coming between the two as Samus held Snake back from retaliating.

Loud, violent noises reverberated from within the quarantine room.

"What's going on in there, Ganonette?!" Samus demanded.

"They've all gone mad!" Ganonette admitted. "The quarantine room is a heavily compressed and encrypted archive for a reason…"

As they were distracted, they failed to see through the glass viewing windows how much Luigi's presence was exciting the Super Crown test subjects. The hapless mustached man began by leaping about, kicking, screaming, swinging his Poltergust, and down-air-comboing groping women, but had quickly been pinned down and had four of them servicing his salami at once while sixteen others licked and kissed his face and body.

The other -ettes quickly fell to pushing and shoving one another in wanton lust, and in no time at all, a riotous brawl had erupted.

"I knew it!" Zelda boomed. "You let things get out of hand!"

"How were we to know their pheromones would multiply exponentially in a group environment?! We're still brainstorming ways to De-Princessify the test subjects without crashing the backup server! If we open that door now, we don't know what will happen!"

But it wasn't necessary to open the door. A Goronette had thrown a Bob-Ombette at an Octolingette, which knocked her into a Gyaradosette, which unleashed a Hyper Beam attack into the crowd. This prompted a Chargin' Chuckette to run right through the Gyaradosette in retaliation. But somehow everyone else managed to dodge the Chuckette and she ended up ramming her Crown-Helmet into the massive door, which, to all their surprise, actually made a dent in it.

As if the very Earth was giving way beneath them, Ganonette, Zelda, Snake, Samus, Lucinaette, Chromette, and Captain Falconette all immediately realized what was happening and rushed to hold back the door, but the Chuckette charged again, this time busting the lock.

The other Princesses rallied around Chuckette as if to a battering ram, and dozens upon dozens of them now prepared to spring upon the narrow, crushed door. Cries could be heard from inside the quarantine room, declaring, "CHUCK-ETTE! CHUCK-ETTE!"

"SMASH BROTHERS AND SISTERS!" Ganonette declared. "We have had our petty disagreements, our squabbles, our skirmishes! And there may come a time when we can no longer stand to be around one another! But as long as we can agree that an army of uninhibited, smokin' hot, sex-starved, rape-prone princesses is a bad idea—"

"I DON'T AGREE! THAT'S MY FETISH!" Warioette yelled, and Simon immediately elbowed her in the face.

"—as long as **MOST** of us agree…" Ganonette continued. "…all right, I admit it, I fucked up! I fucked up BAD! But whatever hells break forth from that Pandora's Box… we will FIGHT AS ONE!"

"HEAR!" the fighters all declared.

Chuckette, joined by a throng, gave one final push.

The door burst open and all hell was loosed upon them.

* * *

 **A/N:** Hope you enjoyed it! Please let me know what ya think! I apologize profusely for Junior's absence, but he will make a splash in the next chapter and remain relevant until the conclusion. Only a few chapters to go now! Reviews, Faves, and Follows keep me going!


	14. Talk Dirty To Me

**A/N:** BOWSETTE ANNIVERSARY CHAPTER! *Looks at calendar* (Okay... I kinda missed that bus.)

All right, you got me. I have fallen out of my alternate dimension and _am_ aware it's been almost a year since the last update. But let me tell you, WHAT A YEAR IT HAS BEEN! Without even telling you half of it, I got married twice (to the same woman, relax), had my dog die, had my life threatened, gave over half of my videogames to my friends, worked every day for seven months straight, found out my entire life was a lie, shattered my kneecap, cried deeply, gained twelve pounds, then lost twenty-eight only to gain twelve more back, moved to another state, then clear across the country on an epic 3,000-mile road trip, nearly ran over a dead alligator, and lived to tell the tale. I also saw _Joker_ and didn't become a Nazi.

So yeah. That was my 2019. How about that Dolphins game?

As for the story, I estimate that there are likely four or five chapters left, but that all depends on whether I should attempt to post shorter chapters more often, or wait and crank out the story in longer segments. Part of my trouble with short updates is that I write out of order and keep changing my mind...

Anyway, I wanted to finish this chapter and post it in its glorious entirely, but dear readers, what I have is over 5,000 words already, and you have waited long enough. Forgive me for the cliffhanger. Without further ado...

 **CapitalClassShip:** Thanks so much for the review! Hope you dig this one as well! We'll revisit Mr. Sakurai in the next update.

 **TwistedSyn:** Thank you for your support. I wasn't sure the orgy scene would play well, but I'm glad you liked it. So glad you enjoy the Luigi-Booette pairing! They will feature in the coming climax.

 **JasonVUK:** So glad you thought the drama was touching. There's a lot more of it in this chapter!

 **Some Random Guy:** Oh, it's not over yet. Far from it. But this chapter's got a focus on character moments...

 **Silvercry:** Thank you so much for your kind comments! Hope you continue to enjoy the story!

* * *

 **Chapter Fourteen**

 **Talk Dirty To Me**

"There you are!" Shadow exclaimed at last. He'd been wandering the streets for the better part of the hour and only just stumbled upon Bowser Junior sitting with his legs dangling off the side of a bench, his dead eyes fixed at the floating island that housed Bowser's Castle not too far off in the distance.

Thankfully, he was blissfully unaware of the Super Crown-fueled orgy that was taking place at that very moment.

Bowser Junior's arms were crossed and below the smeared face paint, his expression hardly shifted, but he sniffled a bit, and Shadow could tell that he had been crying. Still, he had little sympathy for the kid.

"What's cookin', _baaaad_ -lookin'?" Junior asked with a forced frown.

Shadow scratched the back of his head. He hadn't known where to even start with this kid who'd been giving him so much grief… that is, until a _EUREKA!_ moment hit him.

* * *

 **Two hours earlier…**

Sonic had flipped out. Like, royally flipped out.

"Where's that little shit?! I'll KILL HIM!" Sonic screamed at the top of his lungs as he threw his totally drained bottle of Jack Daniels into the ground and withdrew his double-barreled shotgun in one swift motion.

Tails and Amy held him back as Shadow took his friend by the shoulders.

"Whoa, easy now," Tails began.

"Listen to yourself, man!" Shadow yelled right into his face. "This isn't the Sonic I know!"

"That fat little fucker has crossed a line!"

"He's not fat," said Amy, "he's just rotund, and designed that way."

"And _I'm_ designed to kick ass and take names!"

But Amy, who was the calmest one there, simply cleared her throat. "Remember, Sonic, temper is the only thing you can't get rid of by losing it," Amy said softly, reciting the magic lines from memory. "Come on, fury fighter…"

Sonic gritted his teeth, shaking with pent-up rage.

"The anger sharks are swimming in my head!" Sonic wailed as he tore at his quills.

"You gotta dunk that shit!" screamed Knuckles, also as if on cue.

"Listen to me," said Amy. "Stay with me, Sonic. Now repeat after me… _Goosfraba_."

Though Shadow recognized this whole exchange, pretty much stolen verbatim from arguably the most iconic scene in the infamous 2003 Jack Nicholson/Adam Sandler film _Anger Management_ , he didn't think much of this strategy.

To his absolute astonishment, it seemed to be working.

Sonic said, simply, "Goos… fraba…"

As he spoke, the fire left the blue blur's eyes. A great weight seemed to have left his shoulders as he repeated the word, supposedly a derivation of a word used by Eskimos to calm their children, until he achieved some form of inner peace.

While Amy and Knuckles led Sonic away to munch on some chili dogs, Shadow took Tails aside.

"What the heck happened just there?" Shadow asked, incredulous.

"Oh, we - Amy and I - discovered this weird phenomenon the other day," said Tails. "We're calling it _Forced Meme Completion Syndrome_. It seems to be a sort of bug that affects digital beings - something caused by all the data they inputted into us when they were programming our interface language protocols. Fuckers just about dumped the entire web into our banks. I dunno, it's just a theory."

" _A gaaaaaame theory,_ " Shadow replied without even realizing it. He then slapped himself in the cheek.

"There it is again!" Tails shouted. "You just…"

"I _know_ what I did! _WHY, THOUGH?!_ What the hell was that about?!" Shadow exclaimed.

"That's what we're trying to figure out!" Tails continued, then paused thoughtfully. "Anyway, I'd better get back to Sonic. I've been… experimenting on him."

"I'd… expect no less," Shadow chuckled, then recalled Bowsette's 'experiments'. "Just don't get carried away."

* * *

This exchange left such an impression on Shadow, he thought it'd be a waste if he didn't at least do an experiment of his own on little Junior here.

In all his time searching for the kid, Shadow had had ample time to find the right film quote. He just wondered if it was meme-worthy.

"Junior…" he began.

"Yeah?" the kid replied, hardly paying attention, as he nonchalantly slipped a Juul pen into his mouth.

Shadow whacked it away and it shattered instantly as it hit the ground.

"Who gave you that?!"

Junior stared at the now-broken implement with some dismay. "Wario… it was a present."

"What a terrible uncle," Shadow muttered. "Anyway, you've got some explaining to do. Sonic's not at _all_ happy that you jacked his new set of wheels. That's a prototype from _Team Sonic Racing_!"

Bowser Junior shrugged, now chewing on his own claws. "So what? Who cares? He's got more where that came from!

Shadow stood tall. "Tell me what's been eatin' you up inside, Junior."

"I dunno. It's just… the crown?"

"Crown?" Shadow led. "Do you wish the crown had never come to your father? That you…"

"Yeah, I wish it had never come to us. I wish none of this had happened."

"So do all who live to see such times," replied Shadow in his most dedicated impression of Ian McKellen's Gandalf the Grey. "But that is not for us to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us— WAIT, JUNIOR!"

But Junior's big, beady eyes were filled with tears. As if he could hear Howard Shore's _Fellowship of the Ring_ score swelling in his ears, he pocketed an imaginary ring and began pushing on a park bench as if it were one of the elven-kayaks on the West Bank of Rauros.

Shadow smirked a little. It worked. But before he could work further magic on the kid and get him ready to apologize to Sonic, as always tends to happen in a place with thousands of characters, a raucous voice cut the air.

"Well, if it isn't the widdle baby with makeup on and his edgelord butt-buddy!"

Now instantly snapped out of his spell, Junior spun around to meet the taunting voice with vigor and gusto, but only shrieked as he came face-to-face with two of his three tormentors from the day before, and a newcomer.

That's right, Mewtwo, Alucard, and the Hero from _Dragon Quest VIII_ were now walking down the avenue towards them. They were all dressed in matching leather outfits, vaping, with matching _My Little Pony_ snapbacks.

"What are you lovebirds doing out here, so far from the party?" snickered Alucard.

"We could ask you the same thing," Shadow replied.

"What party?" Junior asked.

At that moment, cries of frenzied screaming and lustful squelching crossed the canyon from the next floating island over. If any of them had bothered to actually check over the edge of the overlook with a pair of binoculars, they'd be able to see that the door to Bowser's Castle had just been blown open from within, and that a whole army of Super Crowned Princesses were sexually assaulting any non-princesses.

But no, they were all too busy being dicks.

"Awwww, poor widdle Junior didn't get an invite," Alucard teased, the strong smell of cognac on his breath.

"I thought you were cool, Alucard," Junior mumbled.

"Being an Assist Trophy… does things to people," said Shadow, heartily recalling the drunken Isaac drowning his sorrows away on an old Tapper emulator and ranting to the denizens of The Stray Sheep on the _Catherine_ online server. "Look, fellas, we don't want trouble."

But Alucard and the Hero both drew their swords, and Mewtwo began charging up Shadow Ball.

"It's not about what you want," said Mewtwo. "Sonic's not happy about the totaling of his brand new _Team Sonic Racing_ vehicle. And—"

Before Bowser Junior even knew what happened, Shadow had pulled out his dual pistols, modeled after Heckler & Koch's USP Tactical, and fired upon the bullies, unloading all twenty rounds in quick succession upon them all.

 _Dragon Quest VIII_ 's Hero didn't even get to pull out his Command Menu; his face exploded in a bloody pulp.

Alucard absorbed several bullets, but laughed as he dashed, ran, and finally teleported away to safety.

Mewtwo, whose psychic senses alerted him before the others, used Confusion to deflect the bullets, but didn't take into consideration the power of the seven Chaos Emeralds that Shadow had brought with him in order to keep Sonic from using them. The Emeralds granted Shadow supernatural speed, and Mewtwo's Confusion was a split-second too late - the bullets tore through his hand and arm and one went right through the middle of his neck.

Mewtwo fell to his knees, coughing.

"JUMPIN' JEHOSHAPHAT!" Bowser Junior exclaimed as he squee'd in simultaneous shock and terror, with a slight tinge of bloodlust.

Shadow whipped out his ridiculously long Samurai Blade and held its tip under Mewtwo's chin.

"Apologize to the boy," Shadow demanded.

"Da— COUGH! COUGH!" Mewtwo replied, splurting up all sorts of blood. He held up one finger on his other hand to ask for time, popped a Hyper Potion, then continued ralphing up a bunch of gooey mucous. "Damn, you're— AUUGHHH!"

And then he fell into another round of coughing as his body began to automatically regenerate.

Shadow took a deep breath to bolster his patience.

At last, Mewtwo's neck was able to regenerate.

"What I said was, damn, you're really gonna hold my chin up with the tip of your sword as you stare deeply into my eyes? That shit gay, brah."

"APOLOGIZE!" Shadow demanded, ignoring the heat rushing to his cheeks. "This is your last chance!"

But Mewtwo merely laughed and laughed and continued laughing even as Shadow hacked him into little bitty bits with a fury that scared the genteel, pampered-and-broken heart of Bowser Junior even as it activated his lust for violence.

Mewtwo was a bloody pulp when Shadow dropped his bladed weapon.

"Yo, dawg, that was brutal as fuck," Junior exclaimed at last. "Bad-ASS!"

"Thanks for the backup, Mister Frodo," Shadow almost sneered, with just enough jocularity that Junior could see the joking through it.

It was a manly bonding moment, the kind Junior always wished he could have had with his father.

"Though... what was that about turning the other cheek, again?" Bowser Junior said, morally flummoxed by the carnage.

"There's... there's only so much injustice one person can take." Shadow replied. "And I've reached my daily limit."

At another series of loud, blood-curdling screams followed by giggles and moans, they once again peered over the platform to survey the damage.

Shadow immediately held Junior's eyes closed.

It was beyond words.

"Junior, I'm going to need you to put a blindfold on," Shadow said. "And some earplugs. And a nose plug. And oh, fuck it, just find yourself a sensory deprivation chamber and wait the whole thing out."

* * *

The last time we left our hero and heroines, Princess Peach had been busted eavesdropping on Mario and Bowsette in Bowsette's private airship. Naturally, all three concerned were stunned to the quick, but none more thrown off than the very nude, very sweaty Bowsette.

"I'll say it again, what are you doing here, Peach?!" Bowsette boomed.

But the princess was shocked silent, her digital brain still re-adjusting to the unusual predicament her jealous heart had landed her in.

Mario looked from Peach's vulnerable frame to Bowsette's imposing figure; a premonition of impending disaster filled Mario's consciousness.

Bowsette hastily stood from the bed and began to cross the room, her knockers swinging like wrecking balls, nipples pointing daggers into Peach's wet eyes.

"What's the matter, Peach? Too proud to answer my question? Not used to taking orders?"

Peach's lip continued to quiver as she backed against the wall. Turning from Bowsette's intense glare, she looked to Mario for help.

"Mario's not gonna save you from this one," continued Bowsette, closing the distance, heat radiating from her nostrils.

"Bowsette, let's-a hear what she has to say," Mario all but pleaded, in a tone Peach thought serious but somewhat lacking in firmness.

"Yeah, let's hear it!" hissed Bowsette, fire oozing from the sides of her eager lips as her devilish grin nearly met Peach's shaking lips. "Be honest with yourself for once, Peachy!"

Through the shimmering of Peach's sweat and the melting of her lip gloss, Bowsette couldn't help but sense the wanton lust wafting from Peach's sweat-stained body, the suppression of want showing clearly on her puckered lips.

 _So..._ Bowsette thought. _These thoughts are in her mind, too..._

"Why are you staring at me?!" Peach demanded, her face now a sharp shade of crimson. Her words were addressed to Bowsette, but she glanced intermittently at Mario. "You say I'm not honest. That I'm hiding something. Why don't you tell me what it is you really want?"

"What we wanted was you!" Mario announced, finally squeezing in between them. "Ladies, please..."

"No," Bowsette told Mario with a sad look in her eyes before turning back to Peach and almost gently stroking a lock of her tousled blonde hair. "What we wanted was your love. Your affection. Something. Anything."

Peach shook her head. "Affection? Love? You mean a lie?"

"Weren't you only lying to yourself, Peachie?" Bowsette suggested with a pout, sure she had the princess cornered. "Isn't it time to fess up?"

"You don't get to tell me what I'm thinking or feeling," Peach replied, calmly but firmly. "Tell me one thing, Bowsette. Just when would my best be enough for you?"

Neither Mario nor Bowsette had a good answer for this one.

"Do you remember the early days?" she continued, all but pleadingly. "The days when we'd flirt and laugh and dance and drink in the artificial moonlight together? And how you'd always accuse me of leading you both on? Do you ever think of how lonely it is at the top?! How much I've suffered due to your being unable to control your... urges?!"

"Suffering?! HO! Don't talk to us about suffering!" bellowed Bowsette. "It's-a Mario here who's beta-tested dozens of games, who's put in the hours! How many times have you fallen through lava? Gotten crushed by Thwomps?"

"We're a-getting off-topic, ladies," Mario picked up the thread. "This-a isn't a pity contest."

"No, it isn't!" Peach exclaimed, relieved at his interjection. "And I know that I have no right to be here-"

"Then why ARE you here?" Bowsette grinned sharply, seeing that her little hostage wasn't afraid to finally get to the point. "Couldn't help yourself, couldn't stop from watching, eh?"

"It's not like that!" Peach flushed more crimson than even her scarlet battle dress. "I... I have something I need to say... to both of you…"

Mario and Bowsette exchanged glances, each as confused as the other as to what she might say.

"I... I'm sorry to have driven you both to this." Peach said finally, "I'm terribly sorry! But I'll have you know, it wasn't my intention! Not in the slightest! All I want, all I've ever wanted, is for us to be able to live together without conflict."

 _A perfect little fantasy world for a perfect little princess,_ Bowsette thought, but didn't say aloud, though she almost did; Mario's warm hand stopped her short.

Mario hoped to convey to Bowsette somehow that she had just mentioned that very thing - wanting everyone to be happy - not five minutes ago... but these were testy waters.

Mario's furrowed brow and warm hands - he quietly took Peach's trembling glove in his other - touched both princess' hearts. But Bowsette didn't want to make peace. No... she had both Mario and Peach right where she wanted them, and she hungered deeply for them both.

"Thanks for the honesty," Bowsette said at last, hardly able to keep eye contact with Peach. She turned away and bit her lip, and beneath the flushed, overheated face, Peach could see big ol' Bowser's vulnerability seeping through. "I guess... I could have handled the whole thing better on my part, too."

Peach's lips puckered into a smile. _Was Bowsette REALLY attempting to apologize?! That was something frankly unheard of. Those feminine traits of hers must have been making a serious impact..._

"My, that's... awfully decent of you to say," continued Peach, who was finding it hard to keep her breathing steady with Bowsette so close, and leaning so powerfully over her, the smell of sex emanating from her full, curvy, sweaty body.

"You'll find I'm a lot more awfully decent than I let on," Bowsette said with a pithy laugh. "But the point remains: you drove us to this."

Peach's stomach sank. _Bowsette, Bowsette, Bowsette… why do you feel the constant need to take the high ground? These are narcissist tactics…_

Mario noticed the slight change in her expression, though few others might have. "Are-a you all right, Peach? Do-a you have anything else to tell us?"

"Just…" The words caught in Peach's throat. "Have you ever read _Don Quixote_?"

Mario and Bowsette looked at one another, as if trying to guess her meaning.

"Sure," they replied in unison. Truth be told, the timeless epic of meta-fiction was one of Bowser's all-time favorite novels.

"Do you recall the tale of the shepherdess Marcela and the poet Grisostomo?"

Bowsette immediately knew where Peach was going with this, but let her speak on.

"Of course," Bowsette replied, before checking Mario's expression to see the plumber plumbing his memory, a thing long assaulted by years of long nights spent smashing his oversized head into things while beta-testing. "It's a tragic tale of love and loss."

"Sorry," Mario admitted. "It's-a been several years..."

"Love and loss?" Peach scoffed. "Please. It's a tale of free will and obligation! Grisostomo and Marcela were both shepherds by choice, both from wealthy families... Marcela's beauty was such that she would drive the other goatherds wild with desire, and yet, her one true love was her freedom!"

"Ah, yes!" Mario remembered.

"That's not how I-"

"Let her finish, darling," Mario calmed down his love.

Bowsette looked wounded, but Mario kissed her to calm her down. She was a time bomb that had just been armed.

Peach cleared her throat and continued with a smile. "Marcela never asked to be courted by every man in her region! I mean, Grisostomo was perhaps the best of them, an ambitious poet, a university student, a Faustian figure who could read the stars, whose whole life was a romance... he spent a looooot of time courting the shepherdess, and-"

"And he proposed to her, she turned him down, and he was so distraught with grief, he fucking killed himself!" Bowsette interjected, eager to get to the point.

"Only because of his folly!" Peach retorted. "Marcela was blameless!"

"Blameless, you say?" Bowsette growled, steamy breath oozing from her slightly opened mouth. "I've been a man, and a woman! I know what it's like to be a man, enslaved to my own desires, and to be a woman, holding that power to inflict blinding lust!"

"What if I never wanted that power?!" Peach almost wailed. "What if all I ever wanted to do was to be myself?!"

The voice in her head countered, _Yourself? Who ARE you, anyway?_ , and Bowsette's knowing look informed her that her reflections were plain on the princess' face. _You clearly enjoy role-playing the princess all day, every day! Even though you're no different than any of the digital beings! But whose fault is that…? Oh, this blame carousel could go on all day!_

"I'm not just a pretty face, or a damsel in distress, but damned if I'll ever get to explore that when I'm locked up half the time! Don't I have a right to find out what it means to be myself, on my own time?!" Peach screamed, this time looking from Bowsette to Mario.

Mario scratched the top of his head. "Of course you do…"

Bowsette looked almost hurt. "You're just going to let her off that easily?!"

"It's-a not like she's-a being unreasonable, she's-a just speaking her truth…" Mario blubbered and mumbled to himself, unsure how to respond at first. With the way this was going, poor Mario felt like he should be wearing his referee outfit. It was in his duffel bag, after all.

" _Her_ truth?" Bowsette all but hissed. "There's only one truth, and that's that you were a spoiled little princess!"

"And so what if I was? I know now how foolish I was, and I don't want to be foolish anymore!"

"Tell that to the men who suffered!" Bowsette roared.

"My past doesn't entitle you to anything!" Peach retorted.

This disarmed Bowsette a bit, but she continued to pressure Peach. "So! Your two suitors turn to each other out of desperation, and you oh so conveniently have a 180-heel turn character arc on a dime?! Gimme a break! Have you ever even contemplated existence? Has... has suicide ever crossed your mind?"

Peach's stomach churned. She couldn't say she'd ever suffered in that way.

A whistle blew, loudly, shattering the mood.

"This isn't a pity party!" Mario interjected, now in his full referee outfit. He was about to say more before he noticed the hurt on Bowsette's face.

Bowsette's eyes flashed from disappointment to rage as the tears erupted from her widened eyes. "So that's how it is! You're taking her side!"

"It's-a not about sides!" Mario pleaded, gesturing to his costume. "We are-a closer than friends, closer than lovers, practically family! We should-a be beyond that by now. How long has it-a been?"

"Too long," Peach took over. She quickly grabbed Bowsette's hands in her own and stroked them gently, never taking her eyes off of Bowsette's. "You know, I think it's kinda natural for anyone to want what they can't get, but what's just out of reach. I... I always thought you were so cool, I mean... as Bowser, you know?"

Bowsette turned away, bit her lip, didn't want to believe her.

"No, really!" Peach continued, raising Bowsette's chin up. "Look at me so you know I'm telling the truth."

Bowsette forced her eyes to meet Peach's; it was difficult, painful even, to put herself in that vulnerable position, to have hope...

"Bowser was always the coolest among us all," she continued. "What do I have? A Kingdom that always gets captured and enslaved. I'm relegated to damsel duty more often than not! Meanwhile, you've got a whole family, and magical minions by the dozens, and airships and cool gadgets, and all the bells and whistles... and muscles, too. Your theme is always played with cool electric guitars and effects and stuff! You're totally metal!"

"I can be metal, too," Mario jested, and he couldn't decide if Peach's reply of a gentle head-pat was loving or slightly condescending.

"You're just buttering me up," Bowsette said with a boyish side-glance.

"I mean it." Peach's puckered lips and concerned expression were sincere. "And I understand; I was designed with little girls in mind. And that's okay, but..." she trailed off.

"What are you trying to say?" Bowsette continued, now genuinely curious.

Peach gulped. It was now or never.

"I'm trying to say that I want to be honest with myself for once. And the truth is... the truth is that I love you both! I can't decide! And I know... I know that makes me the most selfish and entitled bitch in the world, but I can't help it, and I love you both, and I'm sorry!"

Both Mario and Bowsette were taken aback, stunned with shock, but also, following that, a huge sense of relief washed over them. The revelation came like a deep breath of fresh sea-blown air.

And then there was the uncertainty.

Years and years of anticipation, of will-she-won't-she… surely, it couldn't be true… could it?

"Both of us?" Mario and Bowsette both said at once, incredulous, brows furrowed.

"Yes!" Peach exclaimed, and the courage she gained from her initial confession showed true in her eyes this time. "You can believe me, or not, but it's true… I was so selfish... not just to have that thought, but to keep it all to myself. I was blind and silly, and I totally get if you hate me now. So please… hate me, hate me all you like."

Mario kissed her hand, ever so gently, all the while maintaining eye contact.

"I can't-a say I understand entirely," he replied. "But I don't hate you, Peach. I don't-a think either of us could hate you if we tried."

Mario then turned to Bowsette, almost pleading for her to take it easy on Peach. The very naked, Super Crown-infected individual, however, was not pleased by Mario's hand-kissing. For a moment, her eyes glowered as if with rage, but she quickly mustered it, calmed her breathing, and cracked her neck.

"Prove it," she simply commanded the princess.

Peach flushed. "Excuse me?"

Bowsette's deft, sharp-nailed fingers now traced the soft, curved outline of her pretty jawline.

"What are-a you doing?!" Mario yelled.

"She heard what I said."

Peach squeezed Mario's hand. "It's okay," she told him. _I can handle this. I am more than just numbers on a screen, more than a goal, more than a face, more than a body. I can handle you both, and myself, too._

With that, she took a deep breath. It was easier than she had anticipated. She had already made the confession, after all.

Her lips melted against Bowsette's. They fell into one another, passionately, completely, intensely.

Then Peach pulled back for a second. She licked her lips, tasting Bowsette and Mario all at once upon them, and loving every bit of them both.

Mario's erection had mushroomed immediately. Peach turned to him now. She grabbed his dick with her hand, massaged it, stroked it. He practically devoured her full lips, and she rubbed her cheeks softly against his oversized nose as their conjoined mouths made one long body-tube out of them both.

Now breathless, Peach pulled away and leaned hard against the wall to catch her breath. Her breasts rose and fell with her heavy breathing.

"Satisfied?!" she finally managed.

"No." Bowsette smirked ever so gently, the beast within now tamed. "Your kiss with Mario was longer."

Peach slapped Bowsette, which only got her more fired up. She immediately followed-up the slap with a passionate kiss, the kind of kiss she always secretly wanted to plant on Bowser, in the many moments when the large, lovable lug would endear himself to her.

Peach didn't even realize her hands were moving of their own accord, running up and down Bowsette's warm skin, tracing the curves of her waist and hips.

At last, Bowsette pushed her away.

"Fiery!" she declared. "But we can't have all the fun."

"I agree!" Peach declared, sweeping herself from the wall and twirling over towards the bed. She sat down ever so delicately, gestured for Mario to come join her.

Mario didn't need to be told twice. He practically leapt across the room and all but fell upon Princess Peach, who was only too ready to receive him. She grabbed his butt as he leapt onto her lap, almost knocking her flat.

Peach's cheeks burned as he kissed them, over and over. His hands playing with her hair and teasing her neck and earlobes,

Mario's wide eyes stared up at her, asking permission.

"You're not dreaming," Peach reassured him as she stroked his round cheeks.

He pulled up her skirt and found her panties to be absolutely soaked through. The plumber turned, almost sheepishly, to Bowsette.

The devilish grin on Bowsette's fiery lips told him, _yes, yes, a thousand times, yes!_

She was standing watch, a hand between her own legs, priming herself, asking what the hell he was waiting for.

Mario gulped as he assumed the position. As he bent over the princess' hips, his mustache brushed Peach's neatly trimmed pubic hair.

Peach's legs trembled at her lover's touch, no matter how gently he applied his fingers to her inner thighs. She kept her eye contact as tightly as her hands caressed Mario's hair and ears, breathing heavily with anticipation.

 _How long have I wanted this?_ Peach wondered wistfully. _How long have they suffered?_

He'd already come multiple times. These women were insatiable!

* * *

 **A/N:** Was it worth the wait? Sorry to leave y'all hanging like that! Don't worry, I promise you won't have to wait as long for the next chapter! I bet my left kidney on it! Please FAVE and FOLLOW if you haven't already, and tell me your thoughts, good or bad! It means the world to me!


	15. 3-Way (The Golden Rule)

**Author's Note:** HAPPY EASTER / SPRINGTIME and thank you for your patience! Thank you as well to all the new Faves and Followers! You keep me going!

This chapter, I'm trying something different. It **can** (preferably, but optionally) be read like a songfic or with the accompanying music, with the songs in Peach's Playlist corresponding to the onscreen action. I have actually made a playlist on YouTube with the songs below, and though I can't link it here due to policy, you can search up "There's Something About Bowsette Chapter Fifteen Playlist", or just compile the songs yourself on Spotify (to avoid spoilers, the full playlist of songs is at the end of the chapter).

 **Disclaimer:** I don't own these characters, their likenesses or anything really. I am but a lowly pauper. Please don't sue me Ninty. No habla Ingles.

 **Eternal Violets:** Thank you so much! I really appreciate the feedback, and I hope you enjoy this chapter! :D

 **JasonVUK:** Oh, the sexytimes have only just begun for Mario! Read on...

* * *

 **Chapter Fifteen**  
 **3-Way (The Golden Rule)**

Mario pounced onto the princess like a wild thing, much to Bowsette's lecherous delight.

Not usually one for patience, Bow _ser_ might have thrown a fit, but Bows _ette_ was voyeuristic enough to appreciate the spectacle, and excited enough that waiting a few more minutes for an event she'd been anticipating for her (and Bowser's) entire lives was not a bad thing at all.

Despite all of her egging him on, the quick start was slowed by Peach's index finger meeting Mario's lips before he kissed her. She took his large, sledgehammer-strength head in her tiny hands and pinched his cheeks, about as far as they'd stretch on the _Super Mario 64_ title screen.

"It's not a race, Mario."

Mario's head was spinning. He couldn't make heads or tails of the situation, and instead just watched, goggle-eyed, as Peach began to unzip her dress.

"Say, Bowsette," the princess asked, "would you do the honor of setting up some mood music? I've got just the Playlist. I believe I've shared it with you on Deezer."

 _She was prepared for this?!_ Bowsette was stunned out of her reverie, but quickly recovered. "Huh. What do I look like, a jukebox?!"

Now in her undies, corset, and white stockings, Peach took a swig from their Veuve Clicquot champagne bottle and pouted imploringly, her lip all but quavering.

 _Your sex kitten eyes have no power here,_ Bowsette hoped to convey, meeting her almost nose-to-nose, flames spewing from her own nostrils and smoke trails sneaking out from her lips.

Peach did not retreat; in fact, she just giggled, then leaned in close and whispered ever so delicately into Bowsette's ear in an exaggerated voice that can only be described as Grimes-eque.

"You wanna play chicken, Bowsie? Clearly you underestimate your opponent. RAWR!"

She suddenly took a sudden nibble at Bowsette's lower lip.

Bowsette almost shrieked. "What in the eight worlds has gotten Into you, princess?"

"Liquid courage," she added with another giggle, taking another gulp. "This isn't the first drink I've had tonight!"

Bowsette and Mario looked at one another quizzically, as if to ask, _should we even be doing this?! Is this ethical?!_

Peach countered that thought before either could speak, by leaping to her feet, stretching her arms, and exclaiming, "I feel like a slinky that's been unwound! Like a headphone cord that's been untangled! Like an arrow loosed from the tightest bow on the battlefield!"

"Speaking of tight..." Mario motioned by sliding his hand up her leg, but Peach slapped it away.

"Oh, do behave! Bowsette, what HAVE you done to the wholesome gentleman who used to open doors for me?!"

"I wasn't the one teasing him for decades on end!"

As she let Mario help her out of her stockings, Peach had no reply; her cheeks turned as crimson as her lips. Bowsette laughed as she set up Peach's Playlist on his 6.1 sound system.

Tenacious D's _Fuck Her Gently_ began to play.

 _This is a song for the ladies… but fellas… listen closely..._

While Mario unclasped Peach's bra, the princess began to massage Mario's hairy sack.

"Yeah, I can't take all the credit!" Bowsette boomed. "When we first started flirting, his balls were so swollen, I called 'em Big Blue. Took us several nights to drain that well!"

 _You don't always have to fuck her hard_

 _In fact sometimes that's not right to do_

Peach winked as she began to fellate Mario, but just the tip, all the while varying pressure with each of her fingers, the way she'd read about in one of her dirty stories, and the way she'd fantasized whenever she saw the two of them duking it out over her… of course, they were just doing their jobs, but oh, how she loved to play into the fiction, to relish in that power...

 _Sometimes you got to make some love_

 _And fuckin' give her some smooches too_

"Well, then it looks like I'm going to have to fill that well up before emptying it out again. _Then_ it'll be your turn," she said, noticing Bowsette's slight frown. She teased Mario's mushroom with her tongue before giving a few quick strokes, followed by a quick deep-throat to test her gag reflex.

"BUT I WANT YOU NOW!" Bowsette whined, her pussy already dripping wet.

Peach looked sincerely apologetic. "You know I'm not a multi-tasker..."

"You'd better cum fast, Mario!" Bowsette demanded, but Peach just blew her a kiss before pulling the rock-hard Mario down onto her once more.

"Won't be... long…" Mario said, awash in lust, his head woozy with pheromones.

Delaying gratification, Bowsette realized. As she watched the awkward elbows, the passionate but deliberate necking, the butterfly kisses Peach left on Mario's cheeks as she tickled him with her eyelashes, Bowsette suddenly came to an epiphany.

The kinds of grandiose gestures 'incels' like Bowser hedged their bets on were unreliable at best, disaster-inviting at worst. Watching that classic Simpsons episode where Ralph Wiggum's heart was brutally pulverized on live television by Lisa's insult was a traumatizing experience. It all but scared Bowser off of love (and television) for years.

No, the road to love was a cobblestone one, paved by the little things, the sincerity and consistency of everyday gestures, the acts of actively caring for another's well-being more than one cares for one's own self, and of retaining that awareness, of living in it.

 _Care_. That is what Bowser lacked, but Mario always retained. That was why his fingers were teasing Peach's nipples every which way.

The lyrics to Fuck Her Gently were not a tongue-in-cheek joke. They were Truth immortalized in the time-tested medium of Rock.

Bowsette studied Mario's technique as he shifted gears and coaxed the princess out of her not-quite-but-mostly-virginal shell - he was gentler, softer, more deliberate with her, like she was some delicate _Madonna_ …. Mario never stroked Bowsette's ears like _that_ , no, that was something new...

That ugly fiend jealousy reared its head again, but reason dispelled it in seconds.

 _Of course he was different with her! Why wouldn't he be?_ Peach and Bowsette were worlds apart, as different as Mario and Bowser were from one another. They had different needs. _There's nothing quite as unfair as the equal treatment of unequals._

 _Where was the issue, then? Why was she, Bowsette, suffering so? Isn't this pain self-inflicted?_

It was not from a lack of love, no. Both Peach and Mario were imploring her to join them with their eyes, as the former let the latter move down her body, trailing sweet kisses along her porcelain-white skin. She giggled as she approached her navel, and her eyes fluttered to Bowsette's. They both flushed hot and Bowsette felt a tinge of Peach's own insecurities.

 _She may be a princess, but she's just as human as we are. That's why I'm suffering,_ Bowsette realized. _The problem is that deep down, I_ _want_ _to play the victim. I'm still insecure old Bowser. Still stuck in a loop of making excuses for myself. I'll latch onto my emotions and wallow in them. I'll pine for her and I'll drink in the pain of her inevitable rejection, and like a day spent listening to nothing but_ Radiohead _, I will pray at the altar of my pain, hoping it will give me the illusion of strength, telling myself the lie that I'm doing it all out of love, when really I'm just trapped by my own fears._

 _Love… it's something I can't define, though I'm looking right at it._

As her internal temperature climbed through the thick heat, Bowsette watched reverently as Mario lapped up Peach's love-juices, making her squirm beneath his slick moustache, which was quickly dripping wet with her pussy juice.

"Mario! Don't stop! Ahh! YES!"

Mario grinned. "I'm just-a getting started, princess! Wa-hoo!"

He flicked her bean with his tongue, pushing down with one palm on the pubic mound above her clit while his other hand was doing double duty - one finger was worming its way into her vagina while his pinky probed around her anus.

Peach bit down hard on her lip and convulsed as his teasing intensified.

"It's too much! OH!"

Bowsette slyly wrapped herself around Mario.

"You're awful, Mario. Keeping her to yourself like that. JUST PUT IT IN ALREADY!"

Mario grabbed Bowsette's hand and wrapped it around his dick. "Why don't-a you make yourself useful?"

Bowsette bit his nose before she realized what she was doing.

"MAMMA MIA!" Mario shouted at the unexpected outburst.

"Let me show you how it's done!" Bowsette boomed, licking her lips lecherously as she pushed the plumber out of the way. She all but attacked Peach's cunny with her warm tongue, finger-fucking her in both holes with her sharp nails.

"AIIIEEEEE!" Peach screamed.

Bowsette slapped the princess in the tits. She cried aloud, gasping for air.

"Bowsette!" Mario cried, but Peach reached her hand out to him.

"It's okay," she told him, her soft gaze emphasizing the point. "Bowsette… your nails…"

"Ah, right," Bowsette said apologetically as she slowed her furious fingering, concentrating on flicking the princess' clit.

"That's better." Peach then pouted her lips and brought her hand to Mario's member. "Mario, you were so nice to me. Let me return the favor."

 _What had come over me just then?_ Bowsette wondered. _Perhaps this is what all their fussing over Peach was all about. This intangible, maddening, moving goalpost called passion._

Bowser had a heart-to-heart with Ganon, DK, and King Dedede once, long ago, after _Brawl'_ s release, when they were all very drunk.

"The thing with women," Ganon all but growled, emphasis on that last word, "is that they don't know why they do things, you know. But they expect You, The Man, to know everything at all times, ya know?"

"Yo, dis about the pizza topping argument ya had with Zelda again?" queried a very bored King Dedede. "Coz if I gotta hear that shit one more time-"

"When a woman asks "what do _YOU_ want," it's a SHIT TEST!" Ganon insisted. "They just wanna know how you're gonna handle The Situation! They already 'KNOW' What They Want, but they Don't Know It, AND DAMNED if you'll EVER get A WORD outta THEM! And That Is Why The Trojan War Happened! The End!"

Bowser snorted and rolled his eyes. "You're really generalizing about women again, bro?"

It didn't take long for Bowsette to recall Bowser's frame of mind back then. Whatever Ganon was ranting about, it couldn't apply to Peach. No, not perfect Princess Peach, who did everything deliberately, the sweetheart, and who would never, ever lead anyone on, or revel in attention just for the sake of it...

"You're lovesick," Ganon continued with a wave of his hand. "Personally, I don't know what it is ya see in her. She's got as much personality as a Barbie doll. She'd probably just lay there open-mouthed with her arms spread like that _dakimakura_ you keep in your shrine."

"Shrine indeed! That's my closet! Everything's a shrine to you Zelda nerds."

"You know I'm right!" Ganon jeered. "Zelda is best girl!"

"I ain't even gettin' into this," Dedede snorted. "But y'all seem to be forgettin' Samus."

"Thirty years of this shit… you'd think we could agree to disagree," grumbled Donkey Kong, who had a soft spot for Pauline… though Rosalina was a close second.

And thus the discussion went for another several hours.

Point is, now Bowsette could see that Ganon couldn't have been further from the truth. Peach was dynamite in the sack, as evidenced by the fact that she had now flipped Mario onto his back and was squatting over his fat dick.

The next song began to play: _Driver's Seat_ by Sniff'n the Tears.

"You've been patient with me long enough," Peach said with a devilish grin. "Take the wheel!"

She grabbed Mario's two gloved hands and put them just where he wanted them, pinching his big fingers around her areolas.

"Woo-hoo!" she declared as she wiggled onto his girth, using both hands - one in front of her and one behind her - to guide him in. The process was agonizingly slow. She began to flick her clit.

*AHHHH! IT'S SO GOOD! OH GOD YOU'RE SO THICK!"

Mario, for his part, was ready for action.

He thrust upwards. She met him halfway. He thrust again and again, and moved his right hand to Peach's luscious apple bottom to steady her, as she was on the verge of swooning.

It was clear that the princess was lightheaded, but she committed fully to the part, flexing her kegel muscles to milk Mario's man-muscle as she broke into a heated sweat.

"I'm so close... Be gentle..." she blushed.

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Bowsette screamed. She all but pushed Peach down onto Mario's dick all at once, forcing her to take him all the way in.

Peach convulsed and squealed, and her knees buckled as she came right then and there, squirting her juices all over Mario and all over the bed as she fell onto her knees and shook almost violently upon his throbbing totem pole.

"YEEEAAAAAASSSSSS!" Peach hissed between clenched teeth. She was dripping sweat all over.

But Mario wasn't finished. Wasting no time, he flipped Peach over, onto her back, and rode her like there was no tomorrow.

"I'm-a so close!"

"Not so... Fast... Ahh..." Peach twitched and cried and moaned, but did not resist as Mario's thrusts increased.

 _What can I do (what can I do)_

 _When I remember my time with you_

Bowsette helped him along. Taking a page from Peach's playbook, she nibbled Mario's ear, all the while massaging his prostate through his gooch with one hand, and teasing Peach's tits with her other. She pinched and twisted the princess' nipples between her fingers with great relish.

"Oh, oh, it's too much!" Peach convulsed once more, still riding the wave of her first orgasm. "Bowsette, that hurts! AHHH! Please!"

Her words and her tone were at odds with each other, however, and Bowsette sought to take full advantage of this fact.

Bowsette pulled her hair and looked right into Peach's lust-crazed eyes. "How do ya like it, princess?! How's it feel, being dicked down like the slut you are?!"

"I'm... Not a slut... I'm not like that..." Peach pouted all sheepishly, knowing how wild it drove both of her companions. "I'm a good girl, I promise! AHHHH!"

Bowsette shut her up by meeting their mouths, and both the princess and Queen Koopa wasted no time in taking their tongue-lashing to the next level. Bowsette did her one better by flicking Peach's love button and massaging Mario's scrotum simultaneously.

 _Pick up your feet_

 _Got to move to the trick of the beat_

 _There is no lead_

 _Just take your place in the driver's seat_

Bowsette left a signature bite on the princess' lip, then winked at Mario.

"So you think your 'good girl' impression is hot. And it is. But you ain't seen nothin' yet, princess," she sneered, then suddenly said, "Come."

Bowsette simultaneously pressed hard on Mario's prostate, and pushed down on Peach's public mound. And all at once, as if this salacious symphony were orchestrated by some sex-crazed higher power, they both came buckets.

Grumble Volcano never erupted so hard. Mario filled the princess' womb so thoroughly, cum was spraying out of her cooch like fireworks on the fourth of July. And Peach's waves of ecstasy rippled through both of their bodies, sending them into a hitherto unimaginable pleasure dome.

The two lovers screamed and moaned and shook and finally collapsed upon one another.

The track switched. _Runner_ by Tennis began playing.

Bowsette relished each frame of the delectable sight. Peach was twitching uncontrollably on the bed, squirting and convulsing like nobody's business. Never one for patience, Bowsette flicked her own bean and teased her nipples furiously.

"You'd better be ready for me, princess."

"Just... oh… oh, give me a second, dear," Peach insisted before taking a swig of water. She then looked to Mario, who was already stroking himself back to life. "I can see why you two go together so well. She's insatiable, and you've got the stamina - - AHHH!"

"And so do you," Bowsette observed as her fingers met Peach's lower lips and found them incredibly wet. "God, I can't wait any longer."

Peach squirmed beneath her touch. "It's too much... Slowly, please, ahhhh..."

Bowsette clambered into bed, half-beside Peach, and half-above her, discovering, bit by bit, the princess' petite body with her eyes, mouth, digits, and skin.

Their nipples pressed up against one another like power terminals.

Mario let his hands roam over both ladies' bodies, spoiled for choice. It was like picking between a Tanuki Suit and a Propeller Hat while under the influence of an Invincibility Star. He just didn't know what to do with himself.

His penis took the lead, and led the rest of Mario, trancelike, between their four perfect legs as Peach's and Bowsette's steamy, pink, wet bodies slithered and slid against one another like two interlocking vines growing around the same pole.

 _Every little bead of sweat_

 _Feel it running down my neck_

The glances the two women exchanged between their frantic kissing told the whole story between them, and Bowsette learned from the ferocity and sincerity of Peach's affections what she'd long desired: that she could be loved, and lusted after, and beautiful...

 _When you look at me like that_

 _Feeling like we can't go back_

Mario thrust his hips and gyrated as two of the most deliciously supple pairs of pussy lips massaged his man-meat, their juices mingling into a pungent cunny cocktail.

In between deep kisses, Bowsette whispered sweet nothings into Peach's ear.

"So you like this, don't you? Is it like kissing a mirror? You've had practice, haven't you?"

Peach nearly frowned. "I… may have tried looking at myself in a mirror. Practicing. But I've never kissed one!"

Bowsette pinched her cheeks as Mario's dick moved between their dueling pussies, massaging their swollen nether lips. "It's okay. You, and I, and Mario… we're all narcissists. The sooner we accept it, the better."

 _If I become a pillar of salt_

 _I'll know that it was all my fault_

Before Peach could reply, Bowsette all but engulfed her mouth as she twisted the princess' nipples. Peach tensed up, and finally bit her lip.

"You're horrible!" Peach whispered. "I couldn't breathe!"

 _Every little bead of sweat_

 _Every little bead of sweat_

"Don't tell me you're scared," Bowsette replied with a devilish grin. "I could be _so much scarier,_ you don't even know."

"You'd like it if I were scared, wouldn't you?" Peach replied, a tad harshly. "You and your… power fantasies. When you were Bowser, you were always too cuddly to terrify me."

"You say that now," Bowsette jested. "Now that I've got a soft, feminine body…"

Peach scoffed. "Try me."

"Is that a dare?" Bowsette smirked.

"What are-a you two whispering about?!" Mario cried out at last.

"Nothing," Peach replied at the exact same time that Bowsette said, "She wants it rough."

"No, I don't!" Peach whined as Mario's dick wormed its way back into her pussy. "Mario! AH!"

Bowsette slathered coconut oil over their privates and continued to grind against Peach. "So tell me, princess... how does it feel being made love to by a sexier version of yourself? Does it give you an inadequacy complex or somethin'?"

To which the princess smiled and laughed merrily. "Don't go overthinking it, Bowsie... ahhh..."

The track changed. _No Ordinary Love_ by Sadé.

Once again, the plumber pounded the princess. Peach shook, her usually perfectly coiffed hair falling all over the place as she was reamed over and over.

"You can't resist, Peach!" Bowsette boomed with an evil laugh. She began to choke the princess.

Peach's initial shock at the act gave way to a wave of feeling as she felt herself tense up against Mario's dick.

 _I gave you all the love I got  
_ _I gave you more than I could give  
_ _I gave you love_

"You're gonna come for us again," Bowsette demanded with a flash of her teeth.

"I… I can't…" Peach moaned, but her restless legs said otherwise. She dug her heels into Bowsette's back as Mario fucked her over and over again.

Bowsette licked her face, her neck, her armpits, drinking in every pore of her hallowed body even as she traced every outline of Peach's perfect ass with the slender fingers and sharp nails of her free hand.

 _I gave you all that I have inside_  
 _And you took my love_  
 _You took my love_

Bowsette removed the claw (really, it was just a clip-on nail) from her left middle and index fingers and gently maneuvered them into Peach's anus. WIth her right hand, Bowsette dug her nails into Peach's back. She then bit Peach's nipple - not too hard, but enough to elicit shrieking - and teased the top of it with featherly flicks of her tongue.

"I said, you're gonna come for us again," Bowsette demanded. Her other hand moved like a spider until it tightened onto Peach's windpipe.

The princess gasped for breath.

"That's enough!" Mario cried, but as he tried to reach over to block Bowsette's claw, Bowsette suddenly swished her tail, sticking its pointy end right into Mario's anus,

"YEOWCH!" Mario exclaimed. He was lucky that Bowsette had slathered her tail in coconut oil when no one was looking, but the initial pain still hurt like a bitch.

 _This is no ordinary love_  
 _No ordinary love_  
 _This is no ordinary love_  
 _No ordinary love_

"It's hardly in here," Bowsette laughed at Mario. "One movement and I hit your prostate and make you come again. Then I'll have her all to myself. And you wouldn't want that, would you?"

After confirming that Peach was all right (in fact, she was enjoying being play-choked), Mario was not amused. "You try-a moving that thing, and I will clench it right off! My ass is a vise!"

"I love it when you get competitive," Bowsette jeered. "But you've got no chance! PUT THAT DICK UP MY COOCH RIGHT NOW AND FUCK ME!"

Mario did as he was told. Bowsette pushed back hard against him. He thrust uncontrollably within Bowsette, who was so fired up, she was ready to come at any point, and was taken entirely over the edge when Peach's arms reached around her neck to choke Bowsette.

"I'M COMING! AHHHH! SHOOT IT IN MY ASS!"

While shaking, Bowsette tightened her kegel muscles around Mario's member, milking it to another climax. Mario withdrew, adjusted his angle, and re-inserted into Bowsette's bangin' butthole; his Super Shotgun fired load after load into Bowsette's intestinal tract, and she moaned in perfect ecstasy, tightening her chokehold on Peach and belching fire to the ceiling.

"Eh… excuse me..."

They were so lost in their lust, both of them were so oblivious to the fact that Peach was about to pass out from asphyxiation, it was a total shocker when the princess' crown went flying into Bowsette's eyeball.

"YEEEOWW! Oh, sorry!" Bowsette exclaimed as she released her stranglehold on the princess.

Peach gasped for air for quite some time.

 _Did somebody say that_  
 _A love like that won't last_  
 _Didn't I give you_  
 _All that I've got to give baby_

Mario and Bowsette both tried to appease her, but the princess merely huffed and stared in anger at the two dueling suitors. She stood, gasped, drank a swig of water, and then walked to the airship's window and swung it open to grab some air.

"I'm so sorry-" they both began in unison, but Peach finally held up one finger to silence them.

When she spoke, her voice was adorably husky. "You _do_ know I'm going to expect you both to make it up to me now."

Bowsette sighed in relief. She hadn't done any real damage. "What… did you have in mind, exactly?"

Peach giggled. "I want Mario to wear the Super Crown."

Mario's eyes lit up, his mind completely blown by this prospect. If his senses were in overdrive a moment ago, his brain was now sparking in all sectors, as digital neurons that had never before interacted expanded his conception Of What Was Possible to hitherto uncharted regions.

Bowsette and Mario looked at one another, and discovered that their minds had both gone to the same far-out place.

They looked to Peach, then back to each other.

"Wait, how did... " they both said at once. "How did we never think of doing that before?!"

The track changed and Interpol's _No I in Threesome_ began to play.

Amused, Peach blew them both kisses.

"Make it happen."

But now that it came time to take off the Super Crown, Bowsette felt a tinge of sadness, possibly even regret.

"There's no reason for me to be afraid," Bowsette whispered to herself, unaware that her companions could hear her. "I'm still me… right?"

 _Through the storms and the lie_  
 _Baby, you stood by my side_  
 _And life is wine_  
 _But there are days in this life_  
 _When you see the teeth marks of time_  
 _Two lovers divide_

"Take your time," Peach insisted, putting an arm around her. "I've got a Super Crown, here, too… so... "

"You're saying _everyone_ can be a princess?" Mario jested.

"I'm saying that we can be as creative as we want to be with this," Peach replied, pleased with herself. "And that I want Bowser's b... boner, too."

 _BONERIFFIC!_ Bowsette thought.

Mario squeezed Bowsette's hand, his loving eyes reassuring her once more that he was prepared to see and love her as Bowser once more.

"All right," said Bowsette confidently. "Let's do this!"

Bowsette took off the crown, triggering the transformation.

 _Now the windows are open, the moon is so bright_  
 _There's no one who can tell us_  
 _What love brings for you and I_

Peach bit her lip in anticipation. Talk about a win-win-win situation.

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 **A/N:** Thank you so much for reading and sticking with this fic! Was it worth the wait? Do you enjoy the prolonged emphasis on the dirty stuff, or should I get to wrapping up the story? I'm flexible as to how to progress from here, but I'm also getting ready to move, and work has been crazy lately (yes, we are being safe and taking every precaution). Anyway, any feedback is much appreciated and please FAVE AND FOLLOW if you can! Take care and happy Easter! Much love to you all and hope you are all doing well in these crazy times.

* * *

 **Songs in Peach's Playlist**

Tenacious D - Fuck Her Gently

Sniff'n the Tears - Driver's Seat

Tennis - Runner

Sade - Ordinary Love

Interpol - Threesome

...and of course, the chapter title is from:

Lonely Planet feat. Justin Timberlake and Lady Gaga - 3-Way (The Golden Rule)


End file.
